Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it’s breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you’ll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You’ll see the sun come shining through for you

Smile, made famous by Nat King Cole

I was trying to smile today. This is a conscious effort on my part, not something natural for me. Why is that? There are some people who seem to effortlessly smile in every move they make.

Here I was smiling while walking through a department store and I think because I was wearing a blazer, a guy dressed as most adults today are (shorts and t-shirt), walked right up to me and asked me where the changing room was. Only people being paid to be nice smile? This has happened to me before. Maybe a sign about future options?

I’d like to advocate smiling as a deliberate daily effort. It has helped me tremendously. But I have to consciously change my normal scowl, look others in the eye, maybe even say something, and always try to smile (no matter what). It works, even when students I pass have technology in their ears and can’t hear me speak. They can always “hear” a smile.

“A smile remains the most inexpensive gift I can bestow on anyone and yet its powers can vanquish kingdoms.” ― Og Mandino

Teaching in classrooms filled with students who are just glaring makes me want to tell more jokes. That can’t be good. We need to learn something, don’t we? Even adults accidently scowl as they sit and listen to me. That’s why I’m pushing the ideas of conscious smiling for all of us. Think about yourself, others and how your nonverbal communication is working (or not).

In a famous experiment researchers asked two groups of subjects to look at cartoons and rate how funny they were. The experiment was repeated with different groups. But always with two groups at a time to compare. They were told that the experiment was to help develop writing methods for the disabled. One group was asked to hold a pen in their lips while looking at the cartoon. The second group was asked to hold the pen in their teeth.  Each time, the group holding the pen with their teeth rated the cartoon as funnier than the other group.

Why did one group have better mood scores again and again? The theory is that their brains thought they WERE in a better mood because their smile muscles were in use. Clinching the pen in their teeth activated facial muscles that the other group did not when they just used their lips. Your attitudes shape your behaviors AND your behaviors shape your attitudes. Both are true about humans. Smiling more often can change your mood each day. 

“What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity. These are but trifles, to be sure; but scattered along life’s pathway, the good they do is inconceivable.” ― Joseph Addison (1672-1719)

You do realize that if you’re not smiling, you’re probably scowling. You don’t want that “look” to define who you are. People everywhere are getting an impression of who you are and about the places where we are; work, church, neighborhood, groups, etc., based on the body language we are communicating with our expressions. Today, a large majority of Americans have a pessimistic outlook about the future. During the pandemic, surveys indicated that Americans were more unhappy than ever (since these polls have been taken). Recent happy numbers are getting better as life returns to something similar to normal. Don’t you think more smiles would just be good medicine for our fractured and distraught civilization? It couldn’t hurt.

“I could really use someone else’s smile today.” ― Richelle E. Goodrich

Smile all the time and at everyone, not just the people you know. Be careful, you don’t want people to think you’re up to something. Just be less sealed off and distant from the world you pass through. You’re going to have to get your face out of that phone. Look up and look at others. In our culture this is okay. Open up your face and your life a little bit more. Everyone needs some human warmth and connection. Don’t you?

“When you lose your smile, you lose your way in the chaos of life.” ― Roy T. Bennett

It’s amazing how someone can make your day! Just the right word, some encouragement, a phone call, even a smile. People have such incredible power to shape our feelings and outlook on life.

“Our chief want is someone who will inspire us to be what we know we could be.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

But of course, when you think about it, a single person can bring ruin to your mood. Sometimes it can be the same people!

Tossing and turning at night within my spirit. Completely agitated about the words or actions of someone who I decided was out to get me. Angry about what I wanted to say but knew I never would. Life gets out of control and I feel like I’m in a tornado of emotions.

We just learned about Cain and Abel this Sunday. That’s relational anger gone too far. Didn’t Jesus say something about hating someone being the same thing as murder?

I’m probably not going to murder anyone anytime soon, despite how mad I’m getting. But that anger and hatred sure can brew a nasty poison.

“Stab the body and it heals, but injure the heart and the wound lasts a lifetime.” ― Mineko Iwasaki

Why so few in our lives that bring joy? We don’t spend enough time cultivating that part of the garden. How often do you share some happiness? I too often take it all for granted. There have been several disasters in life when others have shown up, taken me by the hand, and walked with me through the mess my life was in. Great role models for me to think about more often.

My five-year-old grandson pitches an open and loud rebellion when ordered to clean his catastrophic disaster of a room. But when I sit on the floor with him he is more than eager to team up, start talking a mile a minute, and get the job done. There’s a lesson for ME somewhere in that pile of toys. 

If you’ve got some wise people in your life, they will help the most by listening to you as you rant about the crimes against humanity the awful others have committed against you. Someone in your life will help you grasp what you can control and turn loose of and what you can’t. Having a safe friend to pour out all your mixed up emotions to is always good medicine. We need this sort of friend.

But please remember, as time passes, to also share the stories about the good guys along the path.

There’s a school of counseling that teaches “it’s not the situation that creates our feelings, it’s the way we think about the situation.”  Mostly, we can’t control situations or other people in our lives – but we can work on how we think about life.

I’m in a season of trying to right the boat of my own mood. Not let the situation or people determine how I’m going to travel through every day. It takes practice. I flip back into the cold water often. Mostly I try to keep my mouth shut, listen to the right music, take a long view and remember God’s track record.

Are you going to let someone keep ruining your day(s) OR will you figure out how to bring a little joy to someone else, right now? There’s always a better choice. 

“When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.” ― Henri Nouwen

There’s something called Social Suffering. This happens when we hurt because of the larger consequences of human actions – like a global pandemic, an invasion of your country or a school shooting. These big events, caused by people, can bring catastrophic disaster into individual lives. It’s a kind of suffering that can be easy to understand. Empathy within reach because most of us can imagine the experience.

But there are other life circumstances that can be more difficult. In my class with college students, it’s always a challenge to deepen their understanding because of their age-related lack of experience. We are finishing up a class on childhood. Raising children gives you a whole layer of empathy. Can you imagine what it must be like for my criminology class? None have committed any crimes (I hope) and very few have been victimized. Mostly an abstract field of study for them. They don’t watch the news, so it’s even more of an abstraction!

“We must learn to regard people less in the light of what they do or omit to do, and more in the light of what they suffer.”  ― Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Have you ever heard of the concept known as an Empathy Gap? It’s another one of those biases in our thinking. This term describes why it can be difficult to really understand from someone else’s perspective and thereby feel with them. Empathy helps us to walk alongside others during extraordinary times. Maybe it’s not because you don’t know how to feel, but because you’ve got a load of feelings in the other direction?

An Empathy Gap can happen when our own experience is at the other end of the emotional spectrum. At work, I’ve just been given a long-awaited promotion and I’m feeling on top of the world. While walking out to the parking lot, I hear that one of my friends has been fired. I may find it difficult to empathize, not because I’m uncaring, but because my own thinking and feeling is at the moment so different. When friends are excited and extra happy and I’m feeling lonely or despondent – the same thing can happen. A gap that prevents an empathy connection.

“Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad.” ― Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

My point here is that sometimes it may seem as if no one understands, but really what might be happening is that others have their own secret burdens that limit empathy. Children murdered at school in Nashville, a long battle with depression, the tornado wiped out the whole town, my friends wife just walked out on he and their three children…do you feel like you don’t have room inside to feel “alongside” people in these situations? Maybe your current place in life has produced an empathy gap. Maybe your own top of the mountain or bottom of the barrel experiences have made it harder to feel.

We learned about Jonah and the big fish on Sunday. I wish I was the kind of friend who would have sat with him in that stinking fish for three days and just listened to his self-pity, no speeches or over-confident advice. Maybe all he really needed was someone to hear him voice all his fears and frustrations? Sometimes, the best way to heal is to just talk and be heard.

The next time your friend seems out of sorts, give a gift of some time and your undivided attention.

“Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible.”  – Carl Jung

“Men have mood swings. Women have mood leaps, mood swirls, mood loop-de-loops.” ― Bill Pronzini

When was the last bad mood you got stuck in?

Do you remember the cause? Probably ended up with the same old effects, right?

I recently got in a bad mood. It helped me to think about time I had just spent with a friend. His life is a great example about how to put the ups and downs of circumstances into a healthy perspective. Our interaction was a blessing.

Falling into a bad mood can happen suddenly because of a change, a sharp word, a mean decision or disastrous change in circumstances. You know what brings those nasty feelings to your own insides. There can be emotional, physical and even spiritual symptoms of bad moods. How does a bad mood show up in your life?

“Rain clouds and stormy moods take time to blow away, but sooner or later the sun always comes out.” ― Shirley Parenteau

When those foul storms strike – what are the options? How do you get in out of the rain and protect your soul from ruin?

Don’t sit and percolate in your stew of bad mood, find a way forward:

• It always helps to feel like you’re doing something. Pull out your journal and start writing. Getting some of your thoughts out, organized into words and then seeing them in print always helps. You can move out of your frustrated state and accomplish something and, you can clarify foggy feelings.
• Find a friend who will listen. Sometimes we all just need to talk it out. Be careful. Some friends will listen for a little, then they want to help with a solution. Mostly what you need is just to be heard. To pour OUT those feelings that can be like poison.
• Isn’t there some wisdom in your life, like a fence post, that you can hang on to during turbulent windstorms? I keep thinking about turning the other cheek and praying for enemies – the exact opposite of how I typically feel when I’m bent out of shape by someone out to get me!
• How about taking a nice long walk?
• I had an aunt who would bake cookies when she was moody. We always knew as we entered the door and smelled the wonderful aroma of baking that we needed to not just wolf down the baked goods, but spend some time listening.
• Stop and take a longer view. I come home today and am in a bad mood because of late afternoon situations and interactions. I have to consciously stop and remember my whole day – that earlier interaction with the dear friend. The wiser choice is to remember my longer journey and how God works so faithfully.

“Learning brings a lighter mood and restores your energy. The simple shift from blaming to learning is tremendously empowering.” ― Jeffrey Rossman

Remember that humans have biases in their thinking. We have what’s called a Confirmation Bias – we end up seeing only what we are looking for. So if we believe everyone is out to get us – that’s all we notice. Do you see how this can contribute to distorted moods?

There’s also what’s called a Hindsight Bias. People reflect on past events and believe they just knew things would turn out the way they did. We tend to believe in our prophetic abilities – but after the fact! When stewing in a bad mood, people often rehearse the past and piece it together in a way to make their anger or disappointment predictable.

“Mood isn’t a particular thought or a particular part of the brain, nor in a particular part of the body, such as a foot or an ear, it is everywhere, but nothing in itself, more like a colour in which thoughts are thought, a colour through which the world is seen.” ― Karl Ove Knausgaard

Have you got a bad mood strategy figured out yet?

Do you know how to help someone close to you overcome their out of sorts mood?

What about becoming someone who’s less reactive to others and events and more in command of who you are – deep inside? Got that figured out yet?

“The enemy is within the gates; it is with our own luxury, our own folly, our own criminality that we have to contend.” ― Marcus Tullius Cicero

It was jam packed concert on a recent Saturday night. To me, it seemed as if all 6000+ seats were filled. I turned and looked out over the audience before the lights went out. In my studies of religion, I remember always being taught that the most segregated hour in America was 11am on Sundays – when we all divided up and went to our own churches. Music concerts can be the same way. As I looked backwards, the placed was filled to the brim with old white people, myself included.

Ah, but ain’t that America for you and me?
Ain’t that America? Somethin’ to see, baby
Ain’t that America? Home of the free, yeah
Little pink houses for you and me
Ooh yeah, for you and me

– Pink Houses, John Mellencamp

We had gathered to hear John Mellencamp, another old white fella. He’s now 71. Where did all the years go? He sang his heart out, in between drags on his cigarettes. I felt he wanted to jump and hop vigorously when the chorus called for it, but perhaps his hip wouldn’t allow it. We all understood. There were many around me who hobbled in on canes and walkers, if you can believe it.

We had very comfortable seating for our latter days. Getting up to sing along was a good idea every now and then, if for nothing else but to get the blood flowing to the extremities. Each time someone had to go to the bathroom – those bladders aren’t what they used to be – the groaning and creaking was audible as each of us stood to make room down the aisle. There used to be, and probably still is at many places, an unmistakable open-air smell of a couple characters who would faithfully break out some weed to celebrate. Now we are typically surrounded indoors by the pervasive scent of too much fabric softener.

“Aging is scary but fascinating, and great talent morphs in strange and often enlightening ways.” ― Bruce Springsteen

I realize that rock is a serious business but I kept thinking as I watched the band play with frowns on their faces, those guys seem really mad about something. Maybe they were just up too late? I get that kind of expression when I try to remember things. There were a lot of songs on that play list. What if what used to look cool now just comes across as needing to eat more fiber in your diet?

It was a wonderful night. The music was loud, the songs were memorable and everyone seemed to have a great time. I thought it must be a remarkable experience for a musician to be able to just strum a few chords on his guitar and have the whole hall burst into his song. Mellencamp has many of those. His songs have surely made it into the America’s list of essential anthems:

Pink Houses
Jack & Diane
Cherry Bomb
Small Town
Authority Song

Actually, I didn’t start attending concerts until I was in my 30’s. A late bloomer? I remember all that music from my youth, but the live events later in my life brought back all kinds of memories – even if some were imagined. It was a new layer of fun to hear that music in person and to be in a giant crowd all singing along. Never underestimate the force that crowds can have on individuals – for good and for bad. I have so many fantastic concert memories with friends and family. Being together is always worth every penny and the memories we build holds us even tighter. Often difficult to put into words, just a big smile and a nod of the head.

All this machinery making modern music
Can still be open-hearted.
Not so coldly charted, it’s really just a question
Of your honesty, yeah, your honesty.   

-The Spirit of Radio, RUSH

As I think back on the Mellencamp night and all those past concerts, I wonder how many are left? Band members are dying, the audience is aging and tours are becoming ever more complicated to pull off.  Where am I going to go to replace this one-of-a-kind experience? I have a dear friend that attends Better Than Ezra with me every year. RUSH is out of business. I used to go with friends and even took my daughter way back when. They typically attract males only, but she loved them! The other day I saw that Mick announced Fleetwood Mac was done for. I tried to attend their shows every time they came to town. I’m typing this and remembering one of the last times I heard them here in Houston. I turned and discovered I was next to a dear friend from work. He’s no longer here on earth.

Seems like Stevie Nicks is still out there on the road. She’s one of my favorites. When she calls it quits, I’ll know it’s really all over. At least for me.

Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changin’ ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

– Landslide, Stevie Nicks

I guess the real goal is to try and live with as few regrets as possible. Mostly those should relate to the people in your life. Have adventures, but make sure they are shared with others. Think of your life like it’s a story.

What chapter in your life needs work right now?
How should your past chapters contributing to this next one?
When is it time to turn the page and move to the next part of your story?
Which characters need to make a reappearance in the story of your life?

Turn the dial on your radio back to those old songs from long ago and remember again, make some of that joy real today, not a ghost of yesterday.

“Time is the longest distance between two places.” ― Tennessee Williams

There’s a famous social psychology experiment that took place in the early 1970’s. A seminary student was asked to walk across campus and give a talk about careers in the ministry. This was repeated with other students. Another student was asked to march across campus and give a talk about the parable of The Good Samaritan. This too was repeated with other students. Of course, because it’s a research study, none of the subjects know what was going on or that there were other students involved.

As the student travel across campus there was a member of the experimental team positioned in their path who was experiencing a medical emergency, doubled over in pain and moaning loudly.  This was all staged, of course, but the student didn’t know. You can see already the hypothesis of this study. Will the students who are supposed to speak about The Good Samaritan more readily stop and render aid? 

Remember, these are all seminary students studying for the ministry. What happened was, the topic of each students’ talk did not seem to affect their willingness to help. But something else did.

In both groups, some students were given plenty of time to make it across campus. Others were given barely enough and then a third had to really rush if they hoped to give their talk on time – they were probably going to be late. Guess what the biggest predictor of putting one’s faith into practice was? Those who were in a rush, afraid of being late, were the least likely to actually help someone in need. It didn’t matter that they were running to tell others about being in the ministry or to teach about The Good Samaritan!

In the experiment, people who had more time were more likely to render aid. At a much higher rate, they put their beliefs into practice. Only 10% of those who were running late stopped to help.

We all want to believe that people’s actions are caused by their internalized values and core beliefs. In fact, so much of what we end up doing is the result of external forces like time mismanagement, the actions of others and our every day connections to the world around us.

We end up doing and not doing because of the context in which we live. That means paying attention to the social environment is critical. It can make you or unmake you, despite who you thought you were.

The big lesson: Work harder at keeping true and not being swept away by reactions, emotions and situations. Spend time on your memory. Post some reminders. Who are you always going to be? Even when there’s only a few minutes left.

“If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end; if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin, and in the end, despair.” ― C.S. Lewis

When was the last time you got yourself all tangled up and experienced a real mess getting unstuck? Sometimes the unsticking process takes years. Maybe a misunderstanding with a friend, something you’ve always done in a certain way, or a belief that served you so well in the past but now just doesn’t fit. 

The older I get the more foolish I feel when I look down and see that I’ve once again stepped in a trap. Especially a trap that I’ve stepped in time and time again. Do you wonder sometimes about what has trapped you? Or have you gotten too used to the feeling that you no longer notice that you’re stuck?

“If you keep fighting with yourself, you will always win.” ― Samer Chidiac

We all live ensnared lives

Some people talk so much and get tripped up because of all their casual words – or poor timing with the wrong words.

Others have relationships that don’t work – maybe it worked at one time – but now it’s poisonous or harmful to someone else.

Our work can stop “working” for us. There is so much  rapid change in the economy, it’s possible to wake up one day and discover that you no longer fit. You discover that you’re trapped but don’t know how to get out.

Do you ever notice getting caught up in tides of current events? It’s possible to get swept out and sucked under. Do casual conversations sometimes blow up into arguments – now more than ever? I think that there are times when we mimic instead of thinking for ourselves – we repeat what sounds vaguely familiar but don’t always understand what we say. 

So many words being spoken today. In one ear and out the other. Everyone with an opinion. Listening takes real effort and sacrifice. Learning to hear can help to disentangle. 

“To be concentrated in relation to others means primarily to be able to listen. Most people listen to others, or even give advice, without really listening. They do not take the other person’s talk seriously, they do not take their own answers seriously either. As a result, the talk makes them tired. They are under the illusion that they would be even more tired if they listened with concentration. But the opposite is true. Any activity, if done in a concentrated fashion, makes one more awake (although afterward natural and beneficial tiredness sets in), while every unconcentrated activity makes one sleepy—while at the same time it makes it difficult to fall asleep at the end of the day.”  ― Erich Fromm, The Art of Loving

New traps these days

Right now, what I think is causing most of my own stumbling and bumbling from one trap to another is a lack of rhythm. It’s time (for a long time) for me to figure out the new beat for my life. Routines are what set the rock and roll to our lives.

“When you learn to find rhythm in any situation, half of battle is already won.” ― Purvi Raniga

During the pandemic so many of us were out of our normal rhythms. This has made it even more difficult for us to get on with living now in the post-pandemic days. I’m not very happy with the sedentary routines I have fallen into. Friends were talking today about the adjustments to the work world – will working from home change over the next year? Surveys report that Americans remain at a high level of disconnection with each other. We’re not taking the time and trouble to have people over to the house, go out with friends, or take trips. What has especially not returned to normal is attending larger crowd events. 

“Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don’t be afraid.” ― Frederick Buechner

Change helps us see our snares

Do you notice that when you get cranky about change – sometimes it’s just because you’re stuck? I don’t want to speed up or change directions mostly because it’s uncomfortable. I’ve gotten used to this pace or situation. I’m sure you know someone who has become comfortable in their misery. I don’t ever want to be THAT person. 

When the world about us changes, it provides an opportunity to see if and how we are trapped. The current changes and you cannot follow because your feet are nailed down. That birds are taking flight and you’ve discovered that the past has you too heavy to soar. 

Look at the rapid changes taking place in a new way. Maybe, for you, they can be signposts that help point your journey toward that beautiful little town called liberty. Remember when you were young and hanging on to the edge of the swimming pool? You had to finally let go. It was a moment of fear and then a rush of excitement as your face went into the water and you moved out into those loving arms that would never let you sink.  

What do you need to turn loose of right now? First make sure that you’ve got some love in your life. 

But wait a minute!

What if the people in your life actually need you to get tangled up with them so you can make a difference? It’s an unrealistic illusion and selfish to believe any of us can just unplug from everything and all the people that bring us down. It’s entangled people that need someone like you to help, to be present, to add some sanity to the chaos. Who in your life is calling out from the brush and needs you to reach backwards and lend a hand? Sometimes, that call is never made with words. 

“Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does.” ― William James

Amazing how accessible so much is to us in this day and age. I get almost everything I need delivered right to my door, often within a day. Sometimes I think I go to the grocery store just for the social contact. I’m probably doing one of those GEICO commercials – acting like your parents – because I’m talking too much to strangers. As I start up conversations, I get very puzzled looks from young employees who aren’t used to being treated like human beings.

People these days need a dose of humanity more than ever before

When my grocery store first started up with delivery we were in a chaos and crisis period of time at my house. I could order what was needed and have it delivered within hours for free. This was exactly what we needed. As I received one delivery, an older child brought my bags from the car. It looked as if his mom was driving and managing more children in the back seat. My delivery “man” was very friendly and I was very effusive in my praise. After handing over the bags, he then asked me if I had a band-aid he could have. Never had that happen before.

In my former life, before becoming a widow and then the COVID lockdown, we would go shopping and exploring. I don’t do that anymore – my explorations are done online. My gifting and giving during Christmas was all done online, again. Very convenient. I only had to send a few items back. In retrospect, it seemed too sterile.

Living life with others, even strangers, is supposed to be an adventure

Most people complain about all the hustle and bustle of getting out into the retail space, especially during holiday time. But maybe there’s something to be said for literally rubbing shoulders with real people. Seeing faces and waiting in line.

“There is no greater predictor of human well-being than the amount of social time we spend with one another.” ― Tom Rath

• Being around others, even strangers, reminds us that our chores and frustrations are shared – we are truly not alone in all the burdens of life. There is a subtle comfort in that.
• When you go out, maybe share a meal, with friends and family you also share parts of your story. The whole group, sitting around the table, become linked in that shared telling and connecting. We realize how much it means to us that someone else understands and wants to be a part of our life. Listening is as important as telling.
• A colleague was out sick with COVID, I wanted to be sure to tell him that his absence mattered, he was missed. We all need to be reminded that we matter. It doesn’t take that much.

Recently I visited my niece and her husband who live in a nearby town. I went shopping for a gift. There were all sorts of shops we used to visit in that town in years gone by. It was not convenient but fun to explore, hunt and find just what I was looking for. Talking with real people in the store energized me – just what someone in my situation needed.

Opening my door and getting out really is good for my sanity.

Probably for yours too. 

~ Ursula K. LeGuin, Interview by Heather Davis

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for. – Will Rogers

Surely I’m not the only one?

Waiting in line, trying to figure out what’s going on with the person in front who’s holding things up…

…the overly complicated order that needs so much explaining and then followed up with personal details about that aunt living in East Texas

…the lady that seems so surprised when presented with the total for her groceries or the order – it’s only now that she begins to dig in her purse for the method of payment (please not a checkbook)

…the person who’s on his phone and won’t stop the conversation in order to be in this moment and speak with the person who’s trying to help, we all must wait for the call to finish (a conversation we’ve all had to listen to while standing in line)

I was patiently standing in line the other day, hoping that I was being observed from above so that I could earn plenty of extra credit points. That guy in front of me was completely unaware that anyone else on earth existed as he took that poor girl at the counter up and down his order with all kinds of detail. I don’t think she was too interested. She mostly whispered and seemed half asleep. He had to repeat so much. There were also humorous anecdotes at each twist and turn. I’m certain she didn’t understand most of them.

My hope was to hop in and out quickly. All hopes dashed as I stood there listening to this little man work his way through all the complications of his order for himself and maybe several others. Should I give up and run out the door?

“Don’t be overheard complaining … not even to yourself.” ― Marcus Aurelius

As I climbed into my vehicle I suddenly realized what God must think when he stands behind me in the line, watching my behavior and idle chatter. Am I really scoring any extra points for my lack of grace and selfishness? Is he impatient, critical, or perpetually hurried?

Doesn’t that cause a pause? What if God was really watching what I was doing? What I was saying about someone behind their back? How I wasn’t helping when I could? Those times when I fudged about the truth? Does God really expect me to live out my beliefs, even when it’s difficult or I’m out of practice?

“I have always found that actively loving saves one from a morbid preoccupation with the shortcomings of society.” ― Alan Paton

Complaining and being critical sure does make me feel better in the moment. I wonder what long term benefit it has for my soul?

Put up with one another. Forgive. Pardon any offenses against one another, as the Lord has pardoned you, because you should act in kind. – Colossians 3:13

Do you live in a place that daily empowers you?

I’ve already got a post ready to upload. Tonight I finally put away my Christmas. I was running late with this chore due to a cold all last week. As I was hauling plastic crates out to my messy garage I started to see and think about another important experience that I should write about. Right now before the fires of inspiration begin to burn low. BTW, don’t tell my son-in-law that my garage is still messy.

Good friends unexpectedly came over to help me set up my annual minimal Christmas. What a blessing this was. We tried to make a fun night out of it. They were a no-nonsense, purpose driven SWAT team. Haven’t you ever had someone do something for you, and you didn’t realize until afterwards how much you really needed it? That tree never looked so professionally decorated. While watching, I sent my daughter a photo of the progress. She texted back, telling me, “That’s what it’s supposed to look like, Dad!” 

“We only have what we give.” ― Isabel Allende

The Gallup organization provides personality testing for people who work in organizations like colleges. It’s also available as a learning experience for students. As the years have gone by, I have taken these kinds of self-tests again and again. As with all such personality indicators, the results change as time and circumstances evolve. My list of “strengths” has always moved around as I have had different kinds of roles and progressed through stages of development.

All of this to say, one of my strengths is called INPUT. People high in this theme tend to archive and collect information, memories, ideas, symbols. Anyone who has been to my little cottage always remarks right away about the eclectic décor. It’s sort of like a gypsy explosion. Lot’s of color and artifacts everywhere. My contribution, due to my strength, are all of the filled up bookshelves and memories on the walls. For example, hanging in the hall, there are classic rock albums from bands whose concerts I have attended. There’s a bookshelf in EVERY room of the house.

“I’ve got an apartment that consists of nothing but books; on the other hand, I don’t collect. It’s a mania to buy books. I can’t go out without buying a book. But it would never occur to me to collect. I collect authors because obviously I want all their work, but this business of first editions and that whole thing doesn’t strike me.” ― Edward Gorey

As I was trudging from one end of the house to the other tonight, I kept passing by photos on the walls, symbols of memory (like that vase), and even the orange bird carved from wood that made it back to the mantle. I am living in a cocoon of remembrance. It’s always a great feeling to be home.

I’m looking up right now at a photo of my one-year-old granddaughter beaming at me with the lights of her Christmas tree in the background. She is extremely photogenic. I half expect her first line to be, “Mom, I’m ready for my close up!” This one is just a perfect picture, and as I gaze at it again, she’s not that far away anymore.

Hanging on the wall right above this photo is another one of her soon to be five-year-old brother sitting in bed with my wife. He was about 18 months old at the time. He is babbling away about something and she is looking back with the deepest affection at the little man of her dreams. They are both sitting in her hospice bed, she will be gone to heaven a few months later. Neither one of them seem to me that far away either.

My cloud of witnesses

I’ve always thought that one of the most inspiring versus from the Bible is in the letter to the Hebrews:

So since we stand surrounded by all those who have gone before, an enormous cloud of witnesses, let us drop every extra weight, every sin that clings to us and slackens our pace, and let us run with endurance the long race set before us. – Hebrews 12:1 (The Voice)

Here, in my house, I feel as if I am surrounded by a cloud of memory that bears witness to God’s love, his grace and provision. It’s real because of these people, places and symbols. They each bear witness to me day after day. That’s probably why I’m still chugging along.

What’s helping you run the race?

I often stand around for way too long trying to locate photos on my phone. They are not organized! There’s got to be a better way. My encouragement to you is to not leave your important memories buried in the archive that is your phone. Print something(s) important to you and keep it out so you can see it daily. Let it bear witness to the truth you have experienced. The manager at CVS and I are now good friends, I print off all of my photos there. Rotating photos of two grandkids as they grow like weeds is like a part-time job.

“Generally speaking, our stuff can be divided into three categories: useful stuff, beautiful stuff, and emotional stuff.” ― Francine Jay

Ultra sparse Scandinavian minimalism works well if clutter is your problem but I’m advocating finding some ways to visually stimulate your thinking and feeling each day as you head off to do battle. Do some rain dancing so that your cloud descends. Hauling out all that Christmas tonight was much less a chore for me as I brushed up against so much memory and meaning.