“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure. ” ― Mark Twain

I once heard a communication study presentation that explained the subconscious effects of the instructor’s dress on learning. When the teacher dresses casual, maybe even leaning toward the slouchy, students tended to not take the lesson very seriously. The inverse was also true. A more formally dressed instructor helped students, without realizing it, internalize their learning with more gravity, and hopefully understand and remember at a little deeper level. We are all living in a more casual culture. You wouldn’t believe the dress code of many faculty these days. Some look as if they’re living in their cars. We really do need to address salaries!

The other day I was standing in my closet looking up at the hats on the top shelf. In my latter days I used to have a whole professor costume I wore. I thought, if these kids are paying to attend a private school, they ought to get something extra for their money. Students, no matter where they go to college, don’t usually remember the course content very well. But they do remember their instructors.

There’s also a drawer filled with bowties – not pasta – in my room. I used to wear them to church. I couldn’t reason to dress less for God each week than I did for work. Now, I’m attending a casual Christianity church. Who isn’t? When will I ever wear these ties again?  At the top of my closet there’s an old brown suitcase that’s been with me for decades. My grandson took one look at its contents a few weeks ago. It’s full of all my long ties. I had saved these for him before he was even born. He excitedly exclaimed, “Can I wear one to church today?”

Dressing up for church spread to the larger populations with the growth of the middle class who had more money and the birth of the textile industry with extra clothes that needed a place to wear.

Casual Christianity wasn’t invented by the local church to attract new customers. It’s been creeping into our culture for a long time now. Do you remember Casual Fridays? Supposedly invented back in the ’60’s by someone promoting Hawaiian shirts. The future doesn’t look good for ties. Down in Houston, where I lived for thirty years, all the teen boys wore shorts to church all year long – even through the cold winter weeks. Probably will be wearing them to work when they reach midlife.

I almost wore one of my infamous bowties to church this morning. Deciding it was too much costume, those sitting around me would think the circus was in town or something. We’re very casual Christians at my new church. I don’t need my costume anymore. In this next chapter of life, I’m no longer a teacher. I did just get a watch with a big face so that my grandson could start learning to tell time. While walking down the large central hall this morning, on the way to the children’s area at church, God said to all of my questions, “It’s not time yet.” Right now, I’m a spare.

“You meet Noah after the flood, you think, That brave, faith-filled, visionary man. You meet him before and you’re like, What a nut job. Perspective and timing matter. Sometimes you have to accept that you might not be able to see the truth from here.” ― Courtney C. Stevens

Do you remember recently our Secretary of Transportation urging passengers to stop flying in their pajamas? The COVID lock-in didn’t help. Doing business from a computer screen, who needs to even wear pants? Does anyone know how to iron a shirt anymore? Just think about what your retirement account would like today if you had invested in a hoody manufacturing plant or the place that makes those skin-tights woman are now wearing as pants? Isn’t there a U.S. Senator that wears a hoody to work? Wonder where they will hang his official portrait? Next to Millard Fillmore?

“I wear my hat as I please, indoors or out.”  ― Walt Whitman

I was about to attend our modern worship service recently but just couldn’t stay when I observed the very young music leader wearing a cowboy hat. What’s next? It is now typical for band members at church to wear ball caps. Hats are now fashion statements and no longer used to keep hair and sweat out of your eyes. I went back over to the senior citizen service and wouldn’t you know it, some old rancher right out of Lonesome Dove central casting marched down the aisle wearing his straw Stetson. Welcome to the New World, Christopher.

We probably no longer have an agreed upon dress code for adults today. Just when I got to feeling put out by the whippersnappers, I turned around during the church meet and greet on Easter and there was an old guy (my age?) wearing an even older ball cap sitting right behind me. It’s not just a young people phenomenon. Years ago I was officiating a wedding and when I instructed all to take their seats once the bride had made her way to the front, I looked across at the young man wearing his ten-gallon cowboy pride and joy on the front row, I invited all to take their seats and added, and please remove your hats. He and all his older relatives seemed oblivious??

The Japanese Yakuza organized crime members wear their tattoos under suits out of sight and have for hundreds of years. Hidden as a sign of modesty and respect. It’s doubtful their syndicate membership is a secret from anyone. Today, our tattoos are everywhere. A new status symbol or something for another generation. Even on the face. They can communicate mixed messages to a society with different histories. I’m only sorry I won’t be alive to see these people in their 70’s holding their grandbabies for family photos. Instead of Popeye the Sailor bearing an anchor symbol on his shoulder, it’s young women today with emblems proudly emblazoned on their bare biceps.

Several years ago I started casually surveying students who had giant tattoos up their legs or arms. I wanted to know how much these had cost. Amazing! They are not an economical, quick decision. In a casual culture, where people also proudly show off their skin, tattoos can make very loud statements. For the rest of one’s life. The now famous entertainer we know as Jelly Roll revealed in an interview that his tattoos no longer represent the man he has now become. Many he got while in prison. Unfortunately, so many are on his face.

“They say that a tattoo should signify an important event in your life. How many, do you think, signify what somebody is trying to hide?” ― G.C. McKay

Not everyone dresses for success these days. Casual and comfortable now rule society. It’s a relief to know you can still practice conspicuous consumption in casual ways. I did find some sweatpants selling for $3000 (must be handwashed using baby shampoo). What a world we’ve made to sit back and relax in.

 

Do you remember how old you were when you crossed over from thinking about the presents you were going to receive and instead thought more about those that you were going to give? As we mature, the happiness of someone else becomes the more important reward.

“If you haven’t done much giving in your life-try it and see how you feel afterwards.” ― Michelle Moore

So many of my friends have made changes in their latter day lives. Where they live, what they do all day, what’s now at the top of their to-do list. Those who seem the most content are spending their time and energies giving.

Now older and better able to give…

Their parents are aging, adult children are in transition, grandchildren need some extra love, public service is calling, time now available to devote to ministries at church. Friends and family have health issues. Travel is now possible to invest meaningful time with others. As exhausting as some of these schedules sound, there is great joy and fulfillment spilling out of their stories.

“You can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving.” ― Amy Carmichael

These are a stark contrast with people we all know (sometimes even ourselves) who have spent too much time focusing on what they aren’t getting out of life. Giving is always the magic secret to being happy and content. Doesn’t make sense. The more you give, the more you end up receiving.

But there are some rules to follow (I think):

• When possible, try to give anonymously
• Don’t give what you want, give what someone else truly needs
• Time is often the most generous gift
• Don’t wait for or expect a thank you – that’s not the point
• Always double check your motivations for giving
• Don’t overthink it – follow the inspiration
• Encouragement is also a gift, often at just the right time
• The best gifts are often a sacrifice to the giver
• When someone says no, please don’t ever take it personally

“The most truly generous persons are those who give silently without hope of praise or reward.” ― Carol Ryrie Brink

Someone needs your gifts

Surveys today tell us that the world has changed in many ways that are making society unhealthy. Remember that line – no man is an island – a rising tide floats all boats.

• More people are having less daily human contact
• Social media is degenerating our health at almost all levels
• Political polarization increases isolation and deteriorates our quality of life
• Declining religious participation correlates with family fragmentation, weak safety nets and declining health

Someone needs you to give of yourself, your resources, your time and love right now. There are even people who don’t realize what they need most. The wealth of your experience and generosity can make the future – even tomorrow – more possible. Just a load of laundry, a visit to the hospital or time volunteering for your family or strangers. There are a hundred reasons why you can’t. Just think about today and do or give something that might matter for one person.

When you take time to pray for someone else, that’s a gift as well.

“Do all the good you can,
by all the means you can,
in all the ways you can,
in all the places you can,
at all the times you can,
to all the people you can,
as long as ever you can”

Charles Wesley (1707-1788)

“If you want to be enthusiastic, act enthusiastic.” ― Dale Carnegie

When did you last attend a kid’s sporting event?

The small grandstands were full. I was wearing my safety helmet in case of a tumble down the concrete steps.  Vigorous voices from moms around me were hollering at a fever pitch. There was a man sitting behind and on separate occasions he was providing very specific and detailed instructions aloud to members of the team down on the ice. I was again wearing my heavy winter coat. It was an ice hockey game and inside near the rink I could never feel my hands in the arctic climate. My four-year-old granddaughter skipped and danced up and down the rows, pulling off her sweatshirt, looking for another snack in the goodie bag I always had for her.

Our little family was gathered for the entire weekend of the tournament. Teams from the Dallas area were joined by others from Austin, Houston, Oklahoma and Louisiana. To sit and listen to the fans, one would think each game was a do or die contest. The rink was a mad house filled with three- to four-foot-tall hockey players. It still amazes me that these kids are all able to zoom around on their skates. Some are incredibly fast. They get knocked on their blocks and haul themselves back up just like that. I’m certain lessons are being learned. When members of the team are off the ice and on the bench I can see one of the coaches giving advice and instruction. I love seeing that. It’s one big learning experience.  At the end of each game, the players are rewarded with a game puck for a great play. My grandson has each of his proudly displayed above his bed.

I don’t think you can praise children enough

These are teams of seven- and eight-year-olds. Almost all boys. There are a few girls on some teams. There was even one team of all girls at the tournament. I couldn’t figure out where they were from. Don’t tell anyone, but I think they played better than any of the boy teams. Did you see the USA Women’s Ice Hockey just won the gold!

The moms were definitely screaming the loudest during each game. Hockey teams have up to eleven players and rotate four on the ice (goalie stays) every few minutes. Our cheering section knows every child’s first name and chances are you are sitting next to his mom or dad. Sometimes, during a pause, a player would hear his name and thumbs up to his parents and the crowd. Those boys may never have a more enthusiastic cheering section for the rest of their lives. Today, 11-15 year-olds’ feelings of support from home has been on the decline. 

“There is one person who utters more earnest, hopeful, pleading prayers for you than anyone else in the world—your mother.” ― Richelle E. Goodrich

I kept wondering about the lower intensity cheers when the players missed the score or didn’t hit the puck. With these close quarters it’s not like the anonymity of sitting in a stadium. Everyone knows everyone. No wise cracks allowed.  Why do I think about those kinds of things? But mostly, I was making rude remarks to those around me about the hefty goalie the Louisiana team put on the ice. Must have been a really big brother in an extra-large uniform. Couldn’t get a single puck into that net.

There were four games in one weekend. The expectation was that players would be taken out of school on Friday to participate. I guess it happens all the time for school sports. Our team had one at 7am on Saturday! My granddaughter was a great sport up. The last game was on a Sunday evening. She and I stayed home, had our own adventures, kept school night bedtime while reading a great story or two.

More children living in single-parent homes here than anywhere in the world

Interesting to me was how involved in the details the parents were – and needed to be to keep up with the scheduling and managing their other children. The boys on the team were typical first and second graders. My grandson couldn’t even remember one game from the other. One big play he had from another. He had a great time, but it was all in the moment. He and the other guys must have seven- and eight-year-old brains. Just the size they need right now.

Our team won and lost. A weekend filled up with rowdy action on the ice and building memories with their team. It was a shared experience for families – something becoming too rare these days. Snack bags, sweatshirts and away games all planned out by these ferocious moms. Moms that keep the world running. Moms that are forever in your corner, cheering you on – whether you make the goal or not.

“Nothing is as good as it used to be, and it never was. The “golden age of sports,” the golden age of anything, is the age of everyone’s childhood.” ― Ken Dryden, Canadian hockey player (1970-79), won six Stanley Cups.

“Whoever you are—I have always depended on the kindness of strangers.”  – Blanche DuBois (Tennessee Williams, A Streetcar Named Desire)

When does it become okay to start talking to strangers? When did you pass that marker in your life?

Humans need other humans to survive AND to learn how to survive. I used to remind my college classes, you can’t put a baby into a box and leave in the woods and hope all will be well. And, there are laws against that kind of behavior!

We are social creatures. Yet the most recent numbers don’t provide a very encouraging picture of our social health.

• Americans’ trust in others has been on a steady decline for decades. Wonder why? Do you think there’s too much media and information flooding into our lives?
• Our social networks have grown smaller and smaller. This is a critical part of our social capital that enables us and our families to thrive. There are fewer connections in our lives and those we do have are weaker than they’ve ever been.
• The levels of participation in the social world around us has also declined each time measurements are taken. Think little league games, community volunteering, church attendance, clubs/organizations and bowling leagues.
• People report that the number of people they consider close friends is getting smaller and smaller. We have friends, but those we consider close, who we really feel we can depend upon, are fewer and fewer.
• The time we spend with others who live with us in the same household is also on the decline. The time we spend at work has not increased. Perhaps we are bringing more work home now that 9-5 has become blurred by technology. Social media has also contributed to increased isolation. Even when sitting in the same room with our family, we’re often not “together.”
• Young adults, especially males, report feeling isolated from others – this number is higher than ever before, at 31%. This is probably related to fewer close friends, shrinking social networks, working at home and being addicted to our phones.
• There is a reverse correlation between income and feelings of isolation. The lower your income, the higher levels of this feeling. Where we live, how we work and the conditions of our family can all contribute to our feeling of isolation.

“It is an absolute human certainty that no one can know his own beauty or perceive a sense of his own worth until it has been reflected back to him in the mirror of another loving, caring human being.”

― John Joseph Powell

 

I recommend we all start talking more to strangers. Most of the strangers we meet in our daily lives are involved in the service sector. People who check us out at the store, bring us our meals, answer questions over the phone, and help us find our way to the right purchase are all strangers we interact with each week.

As our economy incorporated more and more, we interact less and less with moms and pops and mostly with younger people who are trained to follow scripts. Even the friendly greetings and online banter are part of a programmed speech.

“Americans no longer talk to each other, they entertain each other. They do not exchange ideas, they exchange images. They do not argue with propositions; they argue with good looks, celebrities and commercials.” ― Neil Postman

Instead of behaving as an actor in the play, why not go off script and talk to others as if they are real people? Don’t cause problems by taking up too much time. Don’t break norms with awkward questions or topics. But instead, be human. Provide a compliment. Ask a question that allows people to shine.

When I get to the checkout at the grocery story, I tell the staffer that I just rushed over from the pickle aisle where I was told checkout number ____ was the fastest today. Here I am. Trying to compliment the speed of the checkers at the grocery store, I’ll ask if once they check out 500 customers, do they get to go home? The bagger usually rolls his/her eyes. Going to HEB is one of my few hobbies in life.

So, keep your eyes open and look for a couple strangers this week to speak a passing word or two with. It’s a great habit that makes the world a better place for all of us.

“Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation.” ― Mark Twain

The great winter storm of 2026 has now hit. Instead of preparing for hurricanes, I’m now all iced up. It’s snowing right now and the neighborhood birds are all huddled up on my porch. Why didn’t they fly south?

“What are we, if not an accumulation of our memories?” ― S.J. Watson

I can’t seem to remember to close the garage door less than a minute after coming in from my vehicle. There’s now a Post-it note on the mirror in the bathroom. Do you ever find yourself standing in the kitchen trying to figure out how you got there and what you’re looking for? There’s nothing more frustrating than being in the middle of a conversation and you go blank, unable to come up with the name, song title or famous battle from the Peloponnesian War.

A Quilt Filled with Memory

When the cold weather arrived here in north Texas, I looked down and there was the patchwork quilt my grandmother had made for me over fifty years ago. When helping unpack from the move, my daughter was putting it away and remarked that it was the comfort she associated with when she was under the weather and cuddled up on the couch.

My grandparents were both creative personalities. Sewing was one of my grandmother’s constant activities. Probably started out of necessity. She made outfits for my mother, sister and of course herself. Looking down at the quilt over the decades, I see the squares of fabric that remind me of what my family were wearing. Even a bathrobe she made for me. It’s not just a quilt, its memories all sewn together.

My wife’s cousin recently created quilts for all the cousins in the family. I was blessed to get one. It’s put together with material with a Baylor theme. A perfect memory of a time that changed our lives. Something to pass down with stories from all of us who spent years in that special place.

Before the internet was invented and screens were mass produced, turning even small children into stark raving consumers, philosophers invented the term “hyperreality.”  Describing our increasing exposure to symbols of reality instead of the real thing. Have you listened to a young person speak and they keep using the word “like” over and over again? It’s now reported that teens spend half of their awake hours on a screen. What they are viewing isn’t real, it’s hyperreal. The amount of time children spend outside has been on the decline for decades. It’s now on average, 4 hours a day (they spend twice as much time on a screen).

Hanging on to that quilt is something real that connects me to real people and a real past.

“Everybody needs his memories. They keep the wolf of insignificance from the door.” ― Saul Bellow

Each Ornament is Precious

My grandchildren and I were taking down Christmas the other day. This year I needed to remove all the ornaments from my big and little tree. This was the last Christmas for those trees. Both are white and for some reason each got a brown film after the move. I can’t figure it out?? My normal routine is to disassemble the big tree and pack away each section in its own plastic tote while leaving the ornaments on it. It has worked great and makes decorating a very short chore. The smaller tree gets lowered into its own tote. Each year, voila, Christmas is lifted out and put up in minutes.

As we removed each ornament, I was able to share a story or memory with the kids. We had an ongoing conversation about Christmas, what it means and our own family holiday history. Growing up my grandmother had ornament craft sessions and each year when we put those on the tree we remembered that time together. One year we made Christmas cookie ornaments. They were baked in the oven but couldn’t be eaten. Where did those end up? That cold evening we had an unexpected blessing shared together with popcorn from Waco, and homemade pizza hot from the oven. We will have to plan for next year decorating the new trees. A lot of bird ornaments to find places for.

That evening, making pizzas, carefully packing away each ornament was a real shared experience that we three used to build new significant stories in our lives.

Nothing Can Beat the Real Thing

My second-grade grandson is playing ice hockey. I’m amazed at his skills staying up on the ice and hitting that puck. I can barely get up and down the stairs in the bleachers watching him at practices and games. I just know that tumbling down those concrete steps is in my future. I’m shopping for a spectator helmet to wear. 

His parents have taken him to Dallas Stars open practices, and he has been able to see some of his new heroes up close in person. He didn’t take his eyes off all the action the entire evening.  The real thing always beats a TV screen. It can be a lot of trouble and expense, but attending your favorite sporting event is always worth it. Especially with children who are old enough. If they aren’t, there’s always a small fortune in concessions you can fill them up with. I’ve had much practice missing the game while standing in the line for popcorn. But the photos over the years prove we did have a great time.

Watching the kids at gymnastics, hockey and every fall at the football games always beats watching it on TV. Nothing can beat that memory we are building. The sights, smells, sounds and (for me) dangers will bind us together forever.

It always amazes me that spectators want to coach, coaches want to officiate, and officials just want to watch the game. – Lou Holtz

The real world is filled with real memories that will be carried into the future:

• Go to the sporting event, regardless of how much trouble. NFL owners are starting to complain about the high cost of attending games. Let’s see if anything happens.
• Get up and take a walk with friends and family. Park further away so you can see and talk about where you are.
• How long can you go without checking your phone? I used to have college students voluntarily drop theirs off in a basket when they came into class. I also had to work hard not to bore them to tears (an homage to my wife).

I’ve stashed away a lot of little things in my new smaller space. Problem is, I can’t find the great spots where I put each item (stapler, stamps, that letter, bug spray). I need a big map. Where did that memory go?

“Some memories are realities and are better than anything that can ever happen to one again.” ― Willa Cather

Isn’t A Good Story Worth Another Read?

“If one cannot enjoy reading a book over and over again, there is no use in reading it at all.” ― Oscar Wilde

When circumstances forced me to downsize this past year, one of the hardest partings was the one I had with my library. I had accumulated several thousand books shelved in my office and in every room of the house. Almost all had to go. I put aside a stash that still needed to be read and others that should be saved. I’m working on one of those right now and keep getting the feeling of familiarity. It’s possible I’ve read this book decades ago. The last book I pulled off the shelf here gave me the same feeling – a vague familiarity. I couldn’t guess how these books were going to turn out, but the stories, twists and turns gave me deja-vu.

“Not the power to remember, but its very opposite, the power to forget, is a necessary condition for our existence.” ― Sholem Asch

What Memories Are Hidden Underneath Your Tree?

Christmas season brings back to mind so many memories for all of us in this age category I’ve now reached. It was difficult for the children around the table to come up with their favorite Christmas memory – I’m convinced, at that age, it just hasn’t gelled yet. We were at the preschool Christmas musical and while watching the comic drama transpiring all around that night I also couldn’t help but think about some memories of Christmases past.

“Reflect upon your present blessings — of which every man has many — not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.”  (Charles Dickens)

One of my new favorite holiday films is The Man Who invented Christmas. All about how Charles Dickens wrote A Christmas Carol in just a few weeks before Christmas. My own ghost of the past seemed to be sitting there with me that night as all the children and gawping families (with phones held high like pagan amulets) sang away with expressions of either joy or terror.

We attended musicals at church and at the preschool this year. A first for our family. I wanted to be sure that the children saw and understood the nativity scene, it would play the central part in the church musical. Not within a thousand miles of the preschool edition, of course. On our way into the church building we visited the life size nativity scene out front. We took photos, as required. But the children were horrified that the plastic baby Jesus was missing. Someone had kidnapped him from the church display! Is nothing sacred?

This was really scotch taped into the kids minds after witnessing the Lion King moment during the church pageant. The live baby who was playing Jesus in the nativity on stage was held up into the air during the culminating musical crescendo. In the coming week, as we toured Christmas lights in the neighborhood, the children were on a crusade to be sure that every manager had its baby. A new memory.

While growing up, I had an aunt with a very elaborate manger displayed on her mantle. I couldn’t resist one year. I inserted a greenish Star Wars Yoda figurine into the display. As far as I know she never noticed. It was essential that I removed it (or had someone else do the deed) before she packed it all away at the end of the season. We tried to sneak it back in every year after. It was our humorous family memory among our younger generation.

Seen Through A Child’s Eyes

Our evening at my granddaughter’s preschool Christmas program was wonderful. How could it not be? Her class sang The Hokey Pokey?? She’s four and has now confirmed that she knows her right and left! The rest of the show I sat with furrowed brow wrestling hard to figure out any sort of connection between this British dance hall number from the 1800’s and Christmas.  Oh well, merry black Friday.

The school cafeteria was packed with parents and family who had rushed from work to get a good seat. These were the tiniest performers starting their long careers on the school stage. Most people left after their own child’s class had performed. Hope there’s still a naughty list circulating. My grandson took himself up to the front row and sat on the floor. He wanted a good seat. He is sister’s biggest fan.

Each class of 3–4-year-olds marched onto the stage and sang their songs with costumes and dance moves. Some of the children were ready for Broadway, most were still at the deer in the headlights phase. It didn’t seem to matter to anyone in the audience – every child was a star. I’m not sure any of us adults in the audience could have done a better job.

My own Christmases from long ago drifted past my memory. We tore through our presents like wild animals. It took a lot of getting used to as a young adult in a new family having to wait for each person to take their turn. There were different customs in this new land. Some years we didn’t get all the presents opened until Valentine’s Day! It all changes when you become an adult and have children in your family. A completely different ballgame. Getting to explain each year what it’s really all about is a sacred privilege.

For me, Christmas is still tamales and queso. My San Antonio roots.  After marriage we had feasts around the table each year with our larger family. The room and table got smaller as the family grew in numbers. These were the only gifts that mattered for our grandparents. Christmas ought to be like that book you read again and again. If only in the mad rush you will take the time to sit and let the deja-vu sail past.

“You will finally come to understand the gift of Christmas once you realize that you are in desperate need of that gift and that you have no means whatsoever to give it to yourself.” ― Craig D. Lounsbrough

The holiday doesn’t have to be over with this week of New Year. When you take that book down next year, what about Christmas will you share with your family, your growing up children, the close friends that need some inspiration? Christmas is mostly a joyous memory. It can be a lot of trouble. It always goes by fast. What are you going to start filing away that means the most and should be memorialized? Don’t wait for someone to be gone. Don’t get too wrapped up in what never matters.

This year there were some memorable children’s moments on the stage that should be added to the hall of fame. Everything is now on film. What a world we’ve created:

 

The now famous “Bethlehem Brawl” between the cow and pig at nativity play

 

A fight over baby Jesus breaks out at church Christmas musical:

 

Not a very Silent Night

 

Over the top performance from shy 8-year-old

The Amazon – the largest river, carrying 20% of the world’s freshwater 4000 miles to the Atlantic Ocean.

“But just as the river is always at the door, so is the world always outside. And it is in the world that we have to live.” ― Lian Hearn

I was digging out sweats the other day. Up here in north Texas they have seasons. Winter has arrived. Down in Houston we just had two seasons, summer and July. Occasionally a hurricane would pass over.

I noticed the label in my sweats. It was from Amazon. Got me thinking about that brand and how over the years it has colonized my life like a virus. What about you? Are you now floating down that river heading into a mysterious consumer future that may end up who knows where? As I took stock, I was surprised by how much of my life was now spent on that river.

Amazon has rapidly evolved from the book business that began in 1994. It still has its hand in books, but also the commerce of an estimated 600 million other products. Some of the major businesses it now owns include Whole Foods, Ring, Zappos, MGM, and Alexa. Founder Jeff Bezos bought the Washington Post in 2013. He spends about $1 billion annually on his Blue Origin space exploration endeavor. That’s a lot of books to read.

Read any good books lately?

“What really knocks me out is a book that, when you’re all done reading it, you wish the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of yours and you could call him up on the phone whenever you felt like it. That doesn’t happen much, though.” ― J.D. Salinger

My first encounter down this river was of course with books. Searching and finding every book on my list was never easier. Then, as the retail bookstores disappeared, using Amazon to shop for book bargains (I never buy new books) became very appealing. The annual Prime membership that gave me free shipping and returns was a no-brainer. Nothing is free, you understand. That membership fee gets larger each year.

I recently ordered something extra cute for my granddaughter. Who can resist? Not from Amazon. In hindsight, I think I ordered it from “North Korea.” I’m certain it was a scam. It has taken two months to arrive. The item is not really what was advertised. But I’m stuck with it. Another item from another state is taking weeks to get here. Like a three-legged pony express trotting across the plains. I’ve gotten used to one- or two-days delivery while I leisurely float down the river.

Doesn’t it fit?

Free returns is a fantastic membership benefit for me. I had access to a post office where I used to work – so easy to drop off returns there whenever. Try on new pants when you change sizes, take a closer look at that kitchen gadget, make sure it’s the right toy grandson has requested. So easy to get it delivered in a day or two and then send it back when it’s not right. These days, I take returns to Kohls or UPS, both across the street from the grocery store a few blocks away. I don’t even have to print a label anymore. Thank goodness, my printer has kicked the bucket. Who wouldn’t want to float down a river like this?

When I recently moved to a new address and also changed my email I had my first real river related catastrophe. Accidently, I deleted my account. All my purchasing history, addresses I send gifts to, and the hundreds of items in my “saved for later” stash were all wiped out. I felt like my boat had been overturned mid river and my journey had to start all over. What a mess. We never realize how connected and dependent we have become until it suddenly goes away. 

Spending made so easy

What I don’t want to do is wander up and down the aisles at the hardware store looking for some little bolt or special adhesive. All the hard-to-find items I need are easy to locate while floating down this river. Too easy. And if I get it wrong, just send it back. Right now, I have to do as much as I can in the moment or I’ll forget. My strategy is to move items out of my online cart and into my save it for later “pile” – that way I won’t forget. Right now, this is where Christmas presents are held until I can figure out the right choices. These river rides think of everything!

“Do we work for and pay for all this convenience in order to live our lives, or do we live our lives in order to work for and pay for all this convenience?” ― Colin Beavan

It’s possible to order grocery items while traveling down this river. I don’t do that. My HEB excursions continue to be an important ritual for me. I do get my special water delivered. During COVID it became impossible to find my favorite flavor. Amazon gets it to me on a regular schedule each month. I never have to worry if it will be on the shelf or not.

The doctor will now see you

My wife struggled for several years organizing and sorting her many cancer-related prescriptions, too many ending up on the floor as she sorted each into the day’s allotment. I felt delivered from bondage when Amazon began to offer a service that organized my doses of senior adult drugs into daily “pill packs” that arrive each month. It’s wonderful. I do admit that I have friends who don’t appreciate the convenience and are mostly shocked that I’m having to take a fistful of pills each day. What’s wrong with you, is the expression I mostly see on concerned faces. 

I think I’m over seven weeks of a cold then bronchitis. After week five I decided I needed to seek a medical diagnosis. I’m not that kind of doctor. There are healthcare problems when one gets fired and then moves to a new city, all related to insurance and finding a new doctor. It was early in the morning and I was driving in search of some sort of urgent care clinic. I was in the parking lot of the donut shop where my grandkids get their fix. On the phone, screening options and I “stumbled into the river.” While sitting there in my vehicle, for $29, I was able to get a medical diagnosis over the phone and prescriptions called in to CVS for pick up within the hour. Now, I just had a senior citizen cold, not Gullain-Barre Syndrome. I didn’t have to wait somewhere while sitting next to someone who was bleeding or pay hundreds of dollars as an uninsured transient (that came later). Just a few taps on my Amazon screen. This river ride can be very cool!

“Wisdom comes with winters” ― Oscar Wilde

Thousands of channels, nothing to watch!

In my new hermit life, I’m watching waaaay too much television. Or at least I have its voices playing in the background. Much of the programming that I watch is on my Amazon Prime channel. I subscribe to others through this channel like Britbox and Acorn. Amazon has music that I play from the television so that the silence is broken around here in my bachelor pad. I like to have Disney tunes in the background when the grandkids and I are playing. Keeps us all singing and dancing and much less frustrated when the Lego creation collapses. I can read the book, listen to it being read to me or watch the movie version – all now while traveling down that same river. 

Now there’s Thursday night football on Amazon Prime. America’s favorite sport is now available here on the river. That means Sundays, Mondays and Thursdays. While soccer is the sport most watched across the globe, football is still the winner here in America. Now Amazon has a piece of that pie. If you can tolerate the big mouth commentator! This bookseller is now also providing coverage for NBA, WNBA and NASCAR.

“If television’s a babysitter, the Internet is a drunk librarian who won’t shut up.” ― Dorothy Gambrell

The leisurely float down the river is a uniquely American experience, and there’s nothing laid back about it. We’ve exported our brand of convenience and instant gratification to much of the world.

Technology has made exporting these values that much easier. Technology makes monopolization practical and palatable to the consumer. Pointing and clicking at what we desire has filtered into our relationships, learning, and moral choices. No time to sit and think about consequences, we might miss the next big sale. So, as you put your foot into those pants, take a look at the label. Are there any other rivers you’re floating down without realizing it?

“Ours is in reality an Abstract Value society–one in which things are not appreciated for what they are so much as for what they represent.” ― Benjamin Hoff

 

 

 

 

 

Celebrate always, pray constantly, and give thanks to God no matter what circumstances you find yourself in. – 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 (The Voice)

When I moved and ended up with crates of framed photos in my garage – with no place to go – I realized that I’d developed a habit. Over the past ten years or so, I’d surrounded myself with pictures of people in my life. Mostly two growing up grandchildren. Two extremely photogenic grandchildren. Always ready for their close-up, Mr. DeMille.

As the storms of life raged all around me, my ship kept sinking and the future was filled with dark clouds of doubt – the walls around me filled up with these treasures of thanksgiving. All the eternal blessings of my life – wonderous reminders of what was consistent and true. Those smiles can chase an infinite herd of despair off into the sunset.

Without realizing it, my habit was a survival mechanism. Looking at thankfulness is magic. I highly recommend it. Especially when your Titanic seems to be nearing the beautiful icebergs. We all need a lifeboat at different stages. Gratitude always buoys the soul. Those smiles all over my walls were and are an eternal antibiotic, chasing away the virus of doom and gloom. [I’m on week 7 of bronchitis, can you tell?]

“Focus on an ocean of positives, not a puddle of negatives.” – Kevin Ansbro

Recent surveys report that an average of 78% of Americans feel a strong sense of gratitude at least once a week. Can you believe that? Education and income levels don’t seem to effect this very high level of thankfulness. All across the spectrum, our society feels grateful. The one difference is between men and women. Which sex do you think has the higher gratitude number?

“Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others.” – Cicero

What about working your way around the table this year and asking each person to “go public” with something they are thankful about? It’s a wonderful model for children to watch happen. An important way for them to participate and help create the “giving” of thanks this year.

“Focus on the ocean of positives, not a puddle of negatives.” – Kevin Ansbro

For what it’s worth, my advice about being thankful has evolved into these three practices – for now:

1. Even in the middle of the storms – look for the handles to hold on to. These are everything we can give thanks about. Hang on and know that all is not lost. Advanced medical care, friends at our side, health insurance, your spouse, technology that allows connections, access to so much wisdom, air conditioning, freedom to make choices… Always be thankful – out loud.
2. There’s an old hymn urging us to count our blessings. Even when the bottom sometimes feels like it’s falling out, we are surrounded by blessings. Literally counting, making a list, will change your perspective and get your thinking back on track. Someone was sharing last week about a family member with pregnancy risks. They were flying to another state be with her. In the middle of all that worry and strain – what a blessing to be able to race to her side. For her to have family who loved her so dearly…Keep on counting – your blessings will outweigh your list of worries.
3. Be sure that you are expressing your thankfulness to others. Don’t take people for granted. Don’t assume. Say something out loud. Express your appreciation – send a note, make a phone call, even a text is better than nothing. Don’t wait and forget. Learning to express thankfulness is a practice. It’s a routine. A habit worth your attention because it not only changes you into a better person, your thankfulness has profound effects on the lives of others. Effects that you will probably never fully understand…Get in the habit of saying thank you in tangible ways. It’s always worth the extra effort. 

“Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.” ― William Arthur Ward

My Thanksgiving celebration is new this year. Cobbled together into a series of gratitude experiences. I only made three flops for the feast. I’m improving! What about making Thanksgiving a new year’s resolution experience of sorts? What can you start doing different? How can thankfulness polish your life up to shine even brighter? Starting this week, who needs to hear from you?

“The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, not the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when you discover that someone else believes in you and is willing to trust you with a friendship.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

Ben Stiller, the actor and comedian, recently completed a documentary about his famous parents.  Stiller and Meara as they were known got their big break on the Ed Sullivan show in the 60’s. Anyone remember him?

I fell over laughing at these two during their appearances on the Seinfeld and King of Queens television shows. They weren’t doing their famous act but instead were portraying parents of characters on the shows. While they didn’t always work together – there was a classic “Graduate” homage between the two that was unforgettable. Lost on most with no pop culture history.

I bring all of this up because Ben Stiller captures on film some significant personal revelations about his own journey and discovers big truths about family that are eternal. His father, Jerry, recorded their history as a family on tape and film. There were mountains of data to sift through. Much of the documentary centers on Ben and his sister sorting through their parents’ apartment after their deaths.

They discovered that as different as each of their parents were (Jewish and Irish Catholic), they worked as hard on their relationship as they did on their show business career. It was a struggle for each of the 61 years they were married – proven again and again on tape. Ben had decided he wasn’t going to make parenting mistakes as a Hollywood star. Yet as he interviewed his own grown children for the documentary, that’s exactly what he had done. You can see his heart breaking on camera as he hears his son smile and tell the stories of his dad’s failures.

Ben and his wife ended up separating after a twenty-year marriage. Their two children were 15 and 17. In the documentary they talk about their own marriage framed within revelations about his own mom and dad. During the COVID crisis lock-down, spending time together going through the apartment and now making the documentary seemed to help each realize that their marriage and family was worth all the extra effort it always takes. They are now back together.

As he should, Ben describes a lot of lessons he has learned about himself from this project. His parents continue to guide him. Their example led him to reorient many of his priorities. I’m probably reading too much into this. But I think there’s a happy ending to the story. You should watch it.

Nothing is Lost

“Happiness [is] only real when shared” ― Jon Krakauer

I’ve done this before. When I think about why we were all designed to be social I always come up with so many examples – mostly items that we take for granted. Isn’t that how life is…remember Joni Mitchell’s lyrics?

Here’s part of my list – we need other people in our lives. Ben Stiller was smart to start working hard to get his family back together. Your personal happiness isn’t worth much when you look into the eyes of someone else who just needs you.

• Somone to make you breakfast in bed on Saturday morning. All those regular reminders we take for granted.
• A backseat driver to keep you from getting lost, again and again. I keep ending up in Fort Worth despite the digital helpers.
• Some much-needed feedback, even when you’re right in the middle of giving the lesson to a crowded room full of people who think you’re the expert. One look says a thousand words.
• Talking it out together, BEFORE it’s too late. Listening and hearing takes trust.
• All that positive reinforcement to counteract the poison you hear everyday. Don’t join the chorus. Sing a solo she will always love to hear.
• Someone to share with all the labors of living. It’s not called “divide and conquer” for nothing.
• “Does this make me look fat?”
• You just thought you knew how to load the dishwasher the right way.
• All that help choosing what to have for dinner…where to meet for lunch…what to watch on TV tonight…where to go for fun on Saturday. Life’s too short to spend it on the couch playing with the remote.

Stiller and Meara inspired me. There are a lot of people around me that inspire. Sure, they roll their eyes at each other. You can tell that story has been told too many times. One is doing too much talking, the other not enough. I get a kick out of watching couples raising children. At the end of the day, all of the people in my world are figuring it out because they know how much love matters. When you love, it doesn’t really matter which way the forks get loaded in the dishwasher.

“To make one, there must be two.” ― W.H. Auden

 

We were driving back to my place early in the morning. Bella their dog needed to be checked on, given some medicine and let out for a stretch. She was staying at home while mom and dad took a trip. The kids and I were having our own adventure for several days. We live ten minutes apart. As we came off the highway and approached our turn, there it was. A giant gathering of protestors up and down the side of the access road. We passed all the signs, flags, costumes and every sort of person – like walking through a Buc-ees!

The kids were mesmerized. “What is happening?”

“Look, that guy is dressed like a zebra!”

“That’s a protest.”

“What’s a protest?”

“When people don’t agree, they get together and express their feelings. Do you see all those signs?”

“Don’t agree about what?”

“Well…some people think broccoli should be required on your plate at lunch and some people think we should NEVER have to eat it.”

“Some people think your teachers should receive bigger paychecks, others think they shouldn’t.”

“There are all kinds of things people don’t agree about. It has to be very important for people get together, make signs and take time away from fun on Saturday. Broccoli doesn’t seem very important.”

My grandchildren are seven and almost four.  I had to keep going with the story as we rounded the corner on our way to donuts. In their minds, the big deal of the day.

“In some countries, you are not allowed to protest. You will be put in jail. What’s wonderful about our country is that we are all free to voice our opinions. You don’t go to jail just because you don’t agree. Sometimes, you go to jail if you hurt someone or take something that is not yours.”

“In our country we are free in so many ways. We are free to disagree and protest.”

Do either of them know what a “country” is? Not sure.

This is the part where that big lump in my throat appeared.

“What’s wrong with your voice?”

“Right now, things can seem really hard. Especially to those people protesting. As time goes by, most things usually get better. I think we live in a special country because we can disagree and still be friends.”

Explaining the world to your children, grandchildren is a way for you to pass on little lessons that matter so much. It’s also the best way for you to make certain you really understand. It’s thought that Einstein once said, “If you can’t explain it to a six-year-old, you don’t understand it yourself.”

What’s always going on all around that needs some explaining? Whether you translate it or not – little eyes and ears are still watching and hearing. Don’t you want to be a part of helping the next generation put all the pieces together?