“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” ― Andy Rooney

People started calling him “sir.” It seemed to have happened overnight. He knew that the countdown clock could not be stopped. Years ago, he had moved his birthday, but that hadn’t worked at keeping the old grey wolf from his door. There were several actions he knew that he could take to slow down the debilitating effects of getting old and to keep his life healthy and whole:

• Make and keep social connections
• Follow a healthy diet
• Remain cognitively challenged
• Stay up and move with exercise every day
• AND get regular sleep each 24 hours

“What hath night to do with sleep?”  ― John Milton

After his wife passed away, he could no longer sleep at night. Every now and then a very brief nap was possible. But those were too rare to even dream about.

Every morning at 4am, he rolled over and looked at the digital numbers shining from the clock. What was it about this hour that brought him back from slumber? It happened again and again. Some sort of internal mechanism, like an alarm, tapped him awake. There weren’t any cows to milk or chickens to chase. He did record coyotes howling outside his front door playing chase on the golf course in the middle of the night. It is reported that Martha Stewart only gets 3-4 hours of sleep each night. She’s now 84. Lack of sleep doesn’t seem to be slowing her down.

“I’ve always envied people who sleep easily. Their brains must be cleaner, the floorboards of the skull well swept, all the little monsters closed up in a steamer trunk at the foot of the bed.” ― David Benioff

Eventually, he went shopping for a new bed. This would surely solve the problem. Feeling like Goldilocks, he got one that was not too firm and not too soft, but just right. Once it was delivered he learned it would take six weeks to break in. There’s always the fine print. It was suggested that he walk on his new bed. This would release the inner magic and make his bed the perfect escape for dreaming. On their next several visits, he had his grandchildren dance a jig atop the bed and learn some classic pop music moves. They’d never heard of moonwalking.

“He was afraid of touching his own wrist. He never attempted to sleep on his left side, even in those dismal hours of the night when the insomniac longs for a third side after trying the two he has.” ― Vladimir Nabokov

After years of using over the counter drugs to help chase down his dreams he did some research. This strategy was no longer going to work. Prolonged use promised to turn his brain to mashed potatoes. Since there was no one in his future who would be willing to change his diapers, he was going to have to come up with a new plan. The doctor urged becoming less dependent on medications. He thought this a great plan, as he tossed and turned night after night. There were all sorts of sleep-inducing gummies, hormones, minerals like magnesium and even taking a little cannabis (that’s pot!). Nothing seemed to do the trick. Hypnos could not be lured from his dark cave.

He had tried cognitive and physical methods with mixed results. Counting backwards from 100 helped keep his mind from focusing on solving the global issues of the day. While waiting to nod off, he had written four or five novels in his head, a chapter a night. Deep breathing from the gut had been suggested on the news. Drinking herbal teas while he reread books he had saved from his great giveaway was a pleasant practice. But did it really put him to sleep and keep him there? Mostly it guaranteed a middle of the night trip to the bathroom.

“One of the Georges – I forget which – once said that a certain number of hours’ sleep each night – I cannot recall at the moment how many – made a man something which for the time being has slipped my memory.” ― P.G. Wodehouse

As time passed he learned some lessons about what to do when unable to sleep:

• Don’t keep tossing and turning like a rotisserie chicken. Pull out a book, turn on the lamp and read a chapter or two.
• The TV or phone screen can make the insomnia effect worse.
• Turning temperature down in the evening helps. He and his wife always had an ongoing civil war over the thermostat.

To mask the banging and bouncing of the children’s soccer team living above him, he had ocean sounds playing on his phone all night. Awaking during his night vigil, the rhythmic crashing waves actually sounded like someone frying chicken in the next room. Had he really been transported to a KFC?

Everyone he met had advice to give about improving sleep. Many in his age group were also suffering the same plague. Drink this, don’t drink that. Get some exercise, but not too late. Keep a regular schedule. Eliminate as much stress and anxiety as possible. Saying your prayers is always a good strategy. He learned that people who lived alone have a higher risk of insomnia. Maybe he needed a cat? No, that’s never a good idea. He did notice a lot of younger singles walking giant dogs past his window each evening after returning from work. How did those beasts spend their lonely days? Watching The Bold And The Beautiful?

When his grandchildren spent the night, they slept in his big comfortable bed with him. Both were in the habit of popping up before the sun to declare with gusto, “I’m starving!” On these nights, he slept in one or two hour shifts, keeping a watchful eye on each sleeping child. What must it be like to dream in such peace? This moment in time would pass so quickly. Sooner than could be imagined they would each launch into their own busy lives. He would see them in only fits and spurts. Wakeful moments like these were to be treasured.

“Good night – may you fall asleep in the arms of a dream, so beautiful, you’ll cry when you awake.” ― Michael Faudet