I bumped into a harsh lesson that morning with my grandson at his elementary school

“It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.” ― Tom Robbins

Last week was “Breakfast with Grandparents” days at the preschool and elementary schools with both my grandchildren. It was confirmed again to me that my 3-year-old granddaughter is running for Speaker of the House. She was sure to work the room and even (literally) kissed a baby. Where does this come from? She’s from a family of introverts. Her uncle Brian (Morris) is the giant personality that she is channeling.

At the elementary school event we were all ushered into the decorated cafeteria where the threesomes of grandparents and children got in line to pick up a donut and a toy. I wore my infamous possum t-shirt. No one else thought it was funny, even my grandson who could read it, but obviously had no experience with these southern varmints. I stood out like the weird relative from West Virginia.

We had come prepared. My grandson has grown up, so far, as a donut aficionado. He had already placed his order with me, a donut with sprinkles including some donut holes. Against everyone’s better judgment, I brought chocolate milk. I wasn’t the one having to peel him off the walls later in the day. He had his donuts (and mine) all in minutes.

As I looked across the cafeteria something stood out. The tables against the far wall, next to the food pass out lines, were not decorated as ours were. Ours all had bright colored paper tablecloths and centerpieces. Across the room, those tables were filled with kids, but it was clear that they were not participating in the morning event. About15-20 children were crowded together all eating their breakfast from trays. I knew that daily breakfast was served at the school. My grandson proudly brags that he often eats breakfast at home and then goes to school and has another one. As a second grader, this is something to be proud of.

“I don’t remember who said this, but there really are places in the heart you don’t even know exist until you love a child.” ― Anne Lamott

Kids eating breakfast isn’t really what I noticed. What I saw was that the table was populated with brown and black kids. As I turned and looked back at the line of kids and grandparents, I noticed that these were almost all white families. I asked myself, why weren’t the children at the breakfast table participating this morning?

At the very beginning, my grandkids are coming face to face with some of the hard realities of life

Over the years, I have taught my students that we typically pay attention to what we see (race) and what we hear (ethnicity). It’s very difficult to figure out social class with a casual glance. Yet in our society, social class is the primary driver when determining someone’s life chances. There are very strong correlations between social class and; crime, education, marriage, health. The lower one’s social class, the less your chances of being raised in a two-parent family.

Thirty percent of children in Texas are being raised in a single parent household. These families have lower incomes, less time together and higher levels of academic failure. Thirty percent is approximately two million children. Houston is the largest city in Texas. It’s the fourth largest city in America. Houston has a population of just over two million.

My daughter (an educator in the district) told me that this elementary school had at least 40% of students who qualified for free/reduced meals. A Title I school that also receives a number of other supplemental resources from the federal government. The kids having their breakfast that morning may not have had a grandparent who could have come. Their parent(s) may have been working at a job that didn’t allow the kind of freedom to take off and join in extracurricular events. My daughter told me that before I moved up there, she went to grandparent events so our kids wouldn’t be left alone. The government can’t solve the fragmented family problem in America.

“One of the pitfalls of childhood is that one doesn’t have to understand something to feel it. By the time the mind is able to comprehend what has happened, the wounds of the heart are already too deep.” ― Carlos Ruiz Zafón

Children never ask to be born into the circumstances in which they are raised

All of this makes me think that while my grandchildren are in school, there will be many more lessons about life they should be learning. This is part of the Hidden Curriculum. Something else I should be paying attention to, right? How am I going to help raise my grandchildren to become adults that love others and feel responsible to help make the world around them a better place for the least of these?

“I have never been especially impressed by the heroics of people convinced they are about to change the world. I am more awed by those who struggle to make one small difference.” ― Ellen Goodman