Write it on your heart
that every day is the best day in the year.
He is rich who owns the day, and no one owns the day
who allows it to be invaded with fret and anxiety.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
What causes you to start off your day on the wrong foot?
Is it something different that just depends on circumstances?
But if you think about it, do you realize it’s basically the same thing that causing your bad footing?
I wake up in a rut every day
I wrote about this feeling back in August a year ago (click here) and again this past March. There’s obviously something about being stuck that keeps appearing in my windshield of life.
How can anyone start the day on the right foot after rolling out of a trench in their mattress? I sleep on a mattress that a friend gave us years ago. It’s a queen size and came in a little box, the size of a mini-fridge for a dorm room. When I opened it up, I felt like a giant snake was rapidly uncurling itself. We had to quickly get it moved into the right spot. Looked like a scene from an I Love Lucy episode.
It was a wonderful replacement! But maybe it’s expired? As the years have gone by, I have slept a trench in my side of the bed. I soon realized I’m sleeping on a mattress that can’t be flipped. It can be rotated, but because of a “topper” it has to remain on one side. So, I rotate periodically. A new mattress is called for, but how do I get rid of this one? It won’t fit into a trash bag!
“Also, I could finally sleep. And this was the real gift, because when you cannot sleep, you cannot get yourself out of the ditch–there’s not a chance.” ―
The CDC tells us that 1 out of 3 adults reports not getting enough sleep each day. Sleep is critical for brain health. The CDC reports that “sleeping less than seven hours per day is associated with an increased risk of developing chronic conditions such as obesity, diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease, stroke, and frequent mental distress.” To get out of this kind of rut (both physical and mental), I guess I’m going to have to replace my mattress. Why can’t I go online and buy my way out of all of my ruts?
Seems I need to write another blog about my pillows. I can’t find any that are firm enough, or that stay firm over just a few months. I’m too cheap to buy anything real expensive that might just as well be as unreliable as the low price duds I buy at Target (and replace over and over again). Got any suggestions?
This week I read that more than one-third of American couples practice what’s called a sleep divorce. Because one partner makes sleeping so difficult for the other – they sleep in separate rooms. Think snoring. Typically, this isn’t a permanent option for most, just a periodic practice when lack of sleep gets too frustrating. I remember a time when I would get up in the middle of the night and wander the house, waking up in the guest bed hours later. No one was snoring, I was just restless and maybe sleepwalking a little. There was no empty side of the bed back then.
“We get into the habit of living before acquiring the habit of thinking.” ―
Some nights I get up and just stumble around like a zombie to the other side of the bed. The other side doesn’t have a rut in it. Why not just permanently move over to that side? We are creatures of habit. I’m all set up on “my” side. It’s also closer to the bathroom.
Is there a larger lesson here about the rest of life?
Am I living other parts of my life like this? I finally wake up to the discomfort, but I don’t really address the cause. Instead of solving the problem, I’m just moving around resituating myself. This type of avoidance is a common response. Humans are typically more comfortable with the familiar and resist change. Even if it means sleeping in a rut. Most of the time this is all unconscious. So, I’m probably a normal person who can’t get my important papers all organized or resolving those longstanding relationship issues. It may not be procrastination, it may be too much isolation and not enough information.
I was watching a really entertaining series about three “older” guys driving a variety of vehicles across different parts of the world (Top Gear). In one episode (maybe all?) someone got his car stuck in a deep rut in the road.
To get out, the driver received much advice from his fellows on the journey. Some he didn’t appreciate. In life, everyone’s an expert or at least has a wise word to offer. Ultimately, in this episode, they would put their shoulders to the bumper and help push and pull the stuck vehicle out of the mud, mire and rut. To get out of ruts in life, it usually takes help from others on the road. The trick is, getting advice from the right people – those who know what they’re talking about.
“You don’t fail when you get into a problem, it’s when you get stuck into it.” ―
Getting out isn’t impossible
It’s easier to just not make a change – that’s how it is for most people. Maybe the certainty of this mattress with the trench is more comfortable than the uncertainty and imagined hassle with getting a replacement. How do I know for sure the right kind of replacement? I’ll just keep rotating my discomfort. In print that doesn’t make much sense.
One theory of personal change tells us that it all depends on our positive attitude about the possibility of the change and the reinforcement of our friends (Theory of Reasoned Action).
There’s another theory that teaches personal change is more likely when we are surrounded by others who are modeling the target behavior for us. We also need to have the resources necessary to make positive changes – like know-how and time (Social Cognitive Theory).
Getting the right people involved in your life seems like the way out of the rut. Learning all you can and then believing it’s possible are also critical keys to getting unstuck. Too often we believe that being stuck is a personality defect. Mostly, it’s a problem of isolation and ignorance.
To get out of my rut, I need to do some research, talk to others and set a target time frame to get it all done. See, that’s not hard, is it?
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The Invisible Man 