“I am no bird; and no net ensnares me: I am a free human being with an independent will.” ― Charlotte Brontë

It’s July 4, Independence Day as I sit to put all of these thoughts together.

This afternoon some rain and thunder finally arrived. This is making me feel relieved, less isolated due to the heat (like being in solitary confinement), and reminding me that even the weather is one big cycle that turns and turns. Maybe more tomorrow.

“Look at the rain long enough, with no thoughts in your head, and you gradually feel your body falling loose, shaking free of the world of reality. Rain has the power to hypnotize.” ― Haruki Murakami

We are a people who are taught to crave independence. Human beings are completely dependent on others for survival and to learn how to thrive in the world. It’s a strange paradox that often produces harmful consequences.

I was thinking about several recent examples of independence put into practice that have produced some startling consequences…

The Russian Invasion of Ukraine

Ukraine has had a long history of domination by powerful neighbors.  It has been an independent nation for over 30 years – since the fall of the USSR. NATO and the West have stepped in to help the small country defend itself from the unprovoked invasion by its former communist overlord. So far, $75 billion from the U.S. to support the Ukrainian war effort. You’ll remember that in 2014 Russia invaded and annexed the Crimean region of Ukraine.

This reminds me of a statement that famous WNBA player Brittney Griner made after being arrested and imprisoned in Russia. She complained that she had not been read her rights upon being first arrested. We take so much for granted as Americans with our Bill of Rights.

Individual Debt

The average American is $96,371 in debt. That’s a record. This includes mortgage, vehicle loans and credit card payments. President Biden proposed forgiving up to $20,000 in student loan debt for 43 million Americans. The Supreme Court just ruled that he is not empowered by the Constitution to spend that kind of money.

Capitalism is working really well – enticing us to buy, buy, buy. A booming economy with more choices than ever before in history, allowing us all to flex our individual freedom of choice. All in an effort to dress, drive and own what helps us to stand out and express who we want to be.  Also, the freedom to sink into catastrophic debt.

40-Year-Olds Yet to Marry

At this time, 25% of adults aged 40 have never been married. That’s the highest percent since we’ve been collecting this kind of data back in 1900. There is an education gap forming as well. More adults who are not married by age 40 have also not been to college. A larger number of college graduates are married. Not getting married is probably less related to acquired knowledge and more to available careers. The social pressure to follow a common life course has come apart. Our individual decisions about relationships are shaped much more by a less than certain economy and diminished stigma about cohabitation.

“I am an American; free born and free bred, where I acknowledge no man as my superior, except for his own worth, or as my inferior, except for his own demerit.” ― Theodore Roosevelt

As an introvert who has to spend much of my time out front “performing” – I certainly need a lot of down time. This used to bother my wife when we were first married. She thought she had done something wrong when I would come home and refuse to “talk about my day.” I could have done a better job. I wish I had. Once she read a description of my personality type, that there actually was a term for weirdos like me, it was the greatest breakthrough in our life together!

Maybe people want to do it “their way” too much? Maybe our culture is pushing us to think like this? Now that I have all the alone time I can stand, living by myself, it’s brutal! Getting to go out and share time with family and friends is just what I need each week. I got two phone calls from dear friends last week. We got caught up and I felt new life running through my veins and brain.

It’s Independence Day and I’m living the most independent I’ve ever been in my whole life. In reality, I now realize how dependent I am. More so than ever before. I always have been, just blind most of the time to the reality. I placed a picture of my grandmother up in my bedroom where I would see her all the time.  Looking backward (isn’t that what happens once you’ve turned the corner?) I realize how dependent I was on her. How would I have ever made it if she hadn’t been in my life?

How am I going to be that kind of person to others?

It’s Independence Day, what a great time to also remember all the people, gone but not forgotten, who have made me into me. They didn’t realize they were doing that. They were just spending their time, paying attention, making me think I mattered, acting out their love.

What a great day each year to remember and realize how dependent I choose to remain, on God and everyone else in my life. What about you?

“We need to help people to discover the true meaning of love. Love is generally confused with dependence. Those of us who have grown in true love know that we can love only in proportion to our capacity for independence.” ― Fred Rogers