Kicking and Screaming All the Way Home

This is a strange title for a post about choosing to follow Jesus as one of his disciples. But when I think about it, so often I’m not all lined up, packed and ready to start the journey (each day). Instead, I am often pulled into the next stage of my own spiritual development kicking and screaming. In the end, I’m glad I got there but always wish I had not fought so much. I’d rather have been more awake spiritually and realized each step of the path before me was leading in the right direction, taking me right where I needed to go. Less kicking and screaming and more surrender and sacrifice is what I want to characterize my life as a follower of the Son of Man.

“However high be your endeavors, unless you renounce and subjugate your own will — unless you forget yourself and all that pertains to yourself — not one step will you advance on the road to perfection.” — John of the Cross

Back in the 1500’s when Saint John of the Cross was living, “perfection” was his way of expressing the desire to be transformed into the image of Christ. What he was writing about was what we now call discipleship. It’s almost impossible to be a disciple of Christ and still want to do things my own way. My prayer here is to ask for forgetfulness about so much that plagues my daily stride, so much that doesn’t really matter.

And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. – 2 Corinthians 3:18

What is it about myself that I have to forget? How do I become invisible? It’s easy to put all my bad habits and nasty qualities on that list. But I’ve also got to put down each one of my hopes and dreams on that list. This is where it gets really difficult. It becomes easier when I turn my gaze away from my own itching fear and list of grievances and toward “the Lord’s glory.” My prayer here is to turn my eyes toward the maker of heaven and earth and to see with the eyes of my spirit.

 “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.  – Matthew 16:24-25

This doesn’t mean “make sacrifices”, this means to put yourself to death, a humiliating execution, not a quiet suicide in the dark. Withdrawing from the world and all it’s attachments is painful and can be agonizing. We never go quietly.

  • Step out of the boat, then you can walk on water in the right direction.
  • Give what little you have, watch thousands of needs be met.
  • Come back home, see who’s waiting at the gate.
  • Listen to the song of that bird, know that you are loved beyond measure.

I can’t seem to get past all the disappointment, all the lost days. But I’m looking in the wrong direction. Following in my Master’s steps is the only directions to take. It’s grievous because it costs everything. John the Baptist had his own followers before Jesus began His ministry. They asked John who this Jesus was, why he seemed to be taking over (John 3:26-36). Among other things, John said, “He must increase and I must decrease.” That’s the whole thing in a sentence. My prayer is John’s declaration. He would soon be imprisoned and beheaded. Literally put to death. All I have to do is surrender each day and listen to His command, “Come, follow me…”

 

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