“The true atheist is the one who refuses to see God’s image in the face of their neighbour.” ― Shane Claiborne

As I’m getting my little house ready to sell, my neighbors are becoming even more noticeable to me. I’ve been here in this small cul-de-sac for over 25 years. There are eight of us living on this little street. Four of us have been here from the start, original owners. The other half of the houses are now a combination of newcomers and a rental or two.

My social science training has prepared me as a people watcher. But I confess I often feel like Mrs. Kravitz from the Bewitched television series. Preparing to pack up and move has turned me reflective.  Over the decades, we have become a very interesting mix in our little community. There are residents from all over the world. People from all age groups. Some are leaving for work each day, others working from home, some retired. I think all of the major religions are represented. A wonderful sample and slice of Houston.

A Priceless Few Moments

There’s a young dad across the street who spends time each day sitting in his little car parked on the curb. Sometimes he’s watching his children playing in the street, usually smoking. I’ve seen him on a phone a few times. He and his large family, I think I’ve counted five children, live in one of the two-story houses. Despite the extra space, he seems to need an escape each day.

When this family moved in – our neighborhood got very loud. When you’re in a family with numerous brothers and sisters, you need to raise your voice to be heard. So everyone hollers. Those of us who raised our families on this street now have grandchildren. It’s been a long time since we had the familiar sound of childhood bouncing all around. Every now and then our grandchildren visit and there it is again.

I think this young father has found a wise way to manage his very filled up life (there’s even a grandpa living with them). Dad retreats for a quiet time in his little car, his own private space, maybe taking a deep breathe or two. Great advice for the rest of us in the neighborhood.

“In order to understand the world, one has to turn away from it on occasion.”  – Albert Camus

Time Out Can Work Wonders

Recently, in another house, I see that they’ve stuck their grandmother out in the garage all day. She used to drive her own vehicle. It’s gone now. There are a lot of people coming and going from this little house. They are renting. Her husband, grandpa, used to bring a dining chair out and sit on the front porch, with the door standing open. It made me wonder who’s paying the AC bill. There’s no traffic to watch, we’re on a cul-de-sac. He’s not there anymore. Maybe he’s passed away?

Now, grandma has taken up a spot in the garage, against a wall, with the big door open. We’ve just had our first 90 degree day. I wonder how long she will last? Have they put her out here because she started smoking? Is she not getting along with her daughter-in-law? Is their cable out?

This reminds me of a Navajo custom. This tribe does not live in a collective community but instead on isolated family ranches. Property is passed down matrilineally. When you get married to your wife, you go to live and help run the ranch owned by her mother. To reduce the chances of potential friction, the Navajo have invented a unique custom. In the mornings, the mother-in-law gets up and retreats to her own “she-shed” out back. Once her son-in-law is up and has had breakfast, he heads out to start work on the far-flung property. Mother comes back in to the house and helps her daughter the rest of the day. Contact between mother and son-in-law is kept to a minimum. The potential for friction is reduced.

“We need solitude, because when we’re alone, we’re free from obligations, we don’t need to put on a show, and we can hear our own thoughts.” ― Tamim Ansary

I don’t know why this grandma is now sitting in her garage. My other neighbor thinks she’s become our crime watch observer. I need to stop waving and wander over for a chat. It does remind me of an important lesson. If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all. There are lots of times in my past that I should have gone and had a time out in the garage and didn’t. Who knows why she’s really out there?

Keep On Keeping At It

Early in the mornings I drive past a very aged little woman who is working very hard on the same daily task. She is small and stooped, sweeping away in her front yard. There is a broom in one hand and a long handled dust pan in the other. Each morning she is sweeping up every single leaf and twig that has fallen into her yard. We live in an oak tree lined neighborhood. These are trees that are in constant leaf drop. She has a big job every morning. And she’s good at it. The yard isn’t manicured, filled with pretty flowers or green grass. It looks like every other yard fighting for life under the shade.

“I’ve buried a lot of my laundry in the back yard.” ― Phyllis Diller

Maybe when everyone else in the family has headed off to work and school, this little lady has her daily list of tasks to complete, her contribution to make. She is faithfully hard at it every morning as I drive past. Any teenager given this task would roll their eyes and complain about the futility, “the yard will only be filled again in a few hours!” Finalizing this job is not the purpose. For this lady, the daily activity, not the completion, has it’s own value. Isn’t that the way it always is for the house work? The dishwasher always needs to be filled and the laundry never gets finished for good.

As I make my routine, automatic drive off to work again, the same trip for almost 30 years, I am taught an invaluable lesson when I pass this little woman. All of my frustrations, fears, stumbles and losses get a better perspective when I see her diligently sweeping away, day after day. She gives me courage to keep at it, no matter what’s happening all around me.

“It’s good to be curious about many things.” ― Fred Rogers