Tag: regrets

There’s Always Two Sides

I was listening to a video of Judy Collins singing the Joni Mitchell song “Both Sides Now” – got me into a very reflective mood. Again.

Surely this great quarantine has also provided you with some reflective moods now and then. What has this incredible shut down forced you to think about while sitting outside under the trees? What fears are lurking around the next corner? What new goals have you decided to set for yourself?  Deciding to be a better person in your relationships (someone else making this decision for you)?

“…how sad and bad and mad it was – but then, how it was sweet” ― Robert Browning

For a long while now I’ve been putting down poems on my phone. Don’t tell anyone. First of all, I still can’t believe I’m the owner of a cell phone. Secondly, I actually know poets. They would be horrified that I was sitting in parking lots letting words, ideas and feeling spill onto my iPhone.

I’m in my first year as a widower. One of the recent stream of consciousness poems I jotted down was the reflection that “everyday there’s a hard part” – doesn’t usually last long, but it’s consistent.

Joni Mitchell’s song makes me think about the two divisions of life that I’ve lived (am now living). You should go read the lyrics with the song playing. Here’s a portion:

I’ve looked at love from both sides now
From give and take and still somehow
It’s love’s illusions that I recall
I really don’t know love
Really don’t know love at all

Maybe this terrible time of isolation has shown you another side of life. Another side of your own life? What if one of the hidden blessings of this tragedy is that you’ve gotten a brief glimpse of what’s over the wall?

In my life, this other side of the wall without my wife isn’t going to go away.  Everyday, there’s a reminder out of the blue – the hard part. As far as this “shut down” goes, it will end. We will probably have a new normal – I’m working on planning a different way to do college classes this fall. But, we are all going to come back home to a version of where we left.

“Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” ― Søren Kierkegaard

“Both Sides Now” reminds me that there’s always a danger that when I go back to the new normal I could slip back into that automatic living I was doing before.

Shakespeare wrote, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” I listen to Judy Collins sing that song (1976!) and for me, it’s true, I didn’t know how to really love. I see that now from this side.

But when this quarantine ends, I’m going to live with as few regrets as I can, because I’ve seen a little bit of both sides of me.

What about you?

 

“Now the wren has gone to roost and the sky is turnin’ gold
And like the sky my soul is also turnin’
Turnin’ from the past, at last and all I’ve left behind”
― Ray Lamontagne

Make Every Day Count

Bird-In-A-Tree-640x360

Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. – Psalm 90:12

What were you called to do today?
Who’s life will cross your path and what kindness will you give?
Who needs forgiveness from you today, mercy, encouragment or strength?

I get so trapped in regrets and frustrations from the past. Sometimes I lose whole weeks sinking in the quicksand of yesterday. Thinking about the future drives me onward. I like to make plans. But both choices can mean that today slips from my grasp.

We wait until tomorrow, but that day seldom comes.

Wake up and remember that your days are numbered and that today is important. Don’t lose it in the chaos and confusion, the tyranny of the urgent.

Imagine all the times that you could take back
What would you have done differently?
Thoughts in your head that you never said
A heart that you broke and left for dead
If all the pain you had could be released

Just One Day, Better Than Ezra

There are people that will cross your path just once. There are things that should be said, things that shouldn’t. If today was all you had, what would you do with it? If it was your last day with your family, at work, with your friends. I don’t mean to be morose, but living a little on the edge, not taking our time for granted, tends to make each moment more significant for us.

Put up a post-it note where you see it all the time and remind yourself that today really matters.

“Forever is composed of nows.” – Emily Dickinson