For Too Many, It’s Always A Cold Climate

“When all is said and done, the weather and love are the two elements about which one can never be sure.” ― Alice Hoffman

As I sit here to put these thoughts together, Texas is experiencing an epic arctic blast. Down here in Houston there’s snow, sleet, and temperatures in the single digits. The entire state is experiencing rolling power outages. Here in Houston, we sort of know how to manage when a hurricane hits, but this is a completely different animal. Sheer panic and chaos.

While all this disaster is happening, I remain connected to people through internet and cell service. All across the city and state we are keeping each other up to speed on our conditions, offering a warm bed, status reports on power outages and sharing photos of current conditions. These social connections keep the fires lit in our lives and remind us that the darkness of night will always have lights to show us a path home.

“It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn’t use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like “What about lunch?” ― A. A. Milne

This makes me think about people who remain in the cold, metaphorically speaking, because they lack those essential connections to others. I recently spoke with a dear friend about a family argument that kept members from speaking for decades. People grow older and lose their family and friends. Moving away for all sorts of reasons can cause disruptions in friendship networks, people lose touch. Daily habits like TV, work at home, and computer time steal our time.

Mostly, the mindless busyness of our daily lives is what prevents most of us from doing the little acts of maintenance that are necessary to keep our people connections alive. We don’t make the time to send a note, make a call or follow up. Others in your life need the warmth of your unexpected presence.

“Time is the longest distance between two places.” ― Tennessee Williams

Last week, a friend passed away with all the suddenness of a bolt of lightening. He was so many things, but he was surely a friend to hundreds. He worked at it every single day. As we remembered, people laughed at the shared experience of having him call and sing happy birthday. He would stop and leave post-it notes on your front door to encourage. Your story was important to him, he remembered. While he was home from work sick, not knowing it was his last day on earth, he sat in bed ordering meals for homeless people.

I’d like to work harder at trying to be a friend to others, trying to warm up the coldness in someone’s life, maybe chase away the loneliness for another day.

Apparently, the meteorologists are predicting that it will be in the 70’s next week down here in Houston. Welcome to Texas weather. But I think that there are people all around who will remain in the cold because there’s no one near enough to care.

“When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.” ― Henri Nouwen

(Always difficult for males who want to fix things)

Can I Ask You a Few Questions?

 

What do your past experiences tell you about your life today?

I received a mysterious call the other day. People that know me would be baffled that I even answered it. I probably talk on the phone less than two times a week. I don’t know what possessed me to say hello. This was a survey measuring the health of Texas citizens. Well, a sociologist can’t hardly say no to a survey. It was about health, so of course that was a hot topic right now. She didn’t tell me how long it would take, but it was an extensive experience.

I answered the usual demographic questions to determine which categories I fit into – age, sex, income, and family composition. Whoever put this together (those paying for it) seemed to have been a wide range of groups. There were questions about:

  • prostate health
  • childhood corporal punishment
  • alcohol consumption
  • hours of sleep
  • doctor visits
  • relations with neighbors
  • trips to the grocery story
  • anxiety and depression

The questions took me back over my adult life thus far. Afterwards I thought about chapters that had been brought up in my mind during the interview. There’s just not much else on Netflix anymore is there?

“Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.”― Søren Kierkegaard

 

I had my carpet and floor cleaned the other day. The young guy doing the work was asking me what I did, professor is a good answer. If I say “sociologist” I typically get a smile and a nod, but know that there’s confusion. I explained to him that what interested me was the context that helped explain why people do what they do. I told him at a party I’d probably ask him questions about his family, neighborhood, school to try and figure him out a little better. I could tell by his follow up questions that I didn’t do a good sales job. He was still thoroughly encumbered with the psychological mindset, as most Americans are.

“Reality is not a function of the event as event, but of the relationship of that event to past, and future, events.” ― Robert Penn Warren

That health survey reminded me of so many life experiences; where was I living when I was in the hospital for that surgery, childhood misbehavior, becoming a parent, taking care of each other once we got married. The experience with that lady over the phone got me thinking while I was talking and for days after.

There are friends of mine right now who are in the middle of terrible health crises. I can only imagine how they are getting through each day. I think about how they will live their lives in the coming years, never the same, always shaped by this terrible turn. What will they remember about these days and how will matter to them?

What do you think has shaped your life the most, so far? Can you find a theme, a theme song? I got desperate the other day and watched that Judy Garland movie. Did you ever see the film Cold Mountain? That Renee Zellweger is an incredible actress. Anyway, to get back to poor Judy Garland. What a mess! I hope your life has better chapters and a better song.

As I thought about my own chapters I realized again some important truths:

  • Stop letting the “Ghosts of Christmas Past” haunt the life you’re building today – it’s over with, there’s nothing you can do about it, laugh off that tragedy and move on! Leave these behind you and keep your eyes on the road ahead.

“He was still too young to know that the heart’s memory eliminates the bad and magnifies the good, and that thanks to this artifice we manage to endure the burden of the past.” ― Gabriel García Márquez

  • Remember all those essential memories – the ones that really helped make a difference in your life (the people too) and find ways to pass them on to someone else in your life. Tell the next generation some of the important stories before it’s too late.
  • Talk to people from your past, catch up, do some hunting. Renew those connections in your life and tell people why they mattered – having friends is nothing to take for granted – have you been out there lately?

“You can’t stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.” ― A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

Maybe the health of Texas (or wherever you are) depends on your reflection?