I got to hold and play with someone else’s grandchild Saturday at the football game. Didn’t seem to matter that we weren’t related. They are all fun to be with…when their parents have had them napped, fed and prepped. Also, when the parent is right their to “pass the ball to” in the event of an emotional outbreak. We had a great time at the game that night. I got to have the perfect fan in my lap!

“Kids are hard -they drive you crazy and break your heart- whereas grandchildren make you feel great about life, and yourself, and your ability to love someone unconditionally, finally, after all these years.” ― Anne Lamott

It’s hard to explain to friends without their own or to young parents, what it’s like. When the big day arrives and your grandchild enters your life and you are forever changed.  I often feel as if I’m going to explode. How could you love someone so much? My grandson and now granddaughter are different people each time we meet. Living far away means they grow up faster and faster. Everything is evolving, who they are and who we are together.

This is a brand new kind of relationship. It’s keeping me going in so many ways. My wife got to witness the arrival of our first and watch him crawl and take his first steps. The first grandchild is always the Little Prince or Cinderella. There are two now in my little family. Since my wife has traveled on to heaven, I feel like I need to love these grandchildren twice as hard.  It’s an easy mission.

FIRST RULE: Grandparent’s house is the land of never say no. Send ’em home once they’re all jacked up with candy. My 6-year-old went home today with his pockets full of cough drops he thought he’d smuggled under my nose.

My own grandparents helped me to survive in so many ways. I try to model after each one in different ways. Each made unique contributions, without even realizing what a big deal they were. We spent a lot of time at their house. The tree house in the backyard was an incredible experience but the real purpose was to get us out of the house and from under foot. The only granddaughter, my sister, received hand sewn dresses. Back before Target had been invented. My grandmother was a creative soul – a perfect escape from the humdrum.

My two grandchildren are every day in my thoughts (and prayers). There are too many photos all around. How could I forget either one? I’m able to follow their adventures daily from afar with photo and video uploads. Sometimes we Zoom and for a few minutes of attention I get to interact. It’s priceless time. How did grandparents survive before Wi-Fi?

SECOND RULE: During our all too brief visits, squeeze as much fun in as you can tolerate. Keep everyone busy. The TV is only for when you start getting dizzy. It’s a race to see who falls asleep first, you or them. It doesn’t seem to matter how late they stay up, my grandchildren are up and ready to roll before 6am. Those early school days have them ruined.

My grandchildren don’t live in town anymore, so I just see them a few times a year. It’s very hard to watch them grow up from afar. Heartbreaking if you want to know the truth. I’m glad we have technology today that shortens that distance. When they do visit, it’s like a second Christmas for me. What fun can we squeeze in before bedtime?

At night, my 6-year-old grandson is a very dramatic sleeper. Tossing and turning, moaning and groaning, urgent statements bellowing forth now and then. He probably grows half an inch by early morning when he pops up. I’m never fully asleep, only on the edge as he works through his drama through the night. But, as one who lives in a quiet, lonely house, it’s a joy to have a rowdy sleepover a few times a year.

What’s always strange is that when they leave I’m shocked at all that didn’t go as planned. I thought I’d be playing on the floor more? Why am I so tired? That activity was supposed to take longer? Why did we get up so early? And I’m just as surprised every time they visit then leave so quickly-  next time we’ll do that, for sure.

THIRD RULE: Be sure to work in some meaningful time, especially as they get older. Reading a book together, sharing photos/stories, take a walk and share your own story. Neither one could remember what we had for dinner last night! Who knows what will stay after all those walks. But in the days to come, a memory will come to flower.

“The simplest toy, one which even the youngest child can operate, is called a grandparent.” ― Sam Levenson

The Lord had said to Abram, “Leave your native country, your relatives, and your father’s family, and go to the land that I will show you. I will make you into a great nation. I will bless you and make you famous, and you will be a blessing to others.  I will bless those who bless you and curse those who treat you with contempt. All the families on earth will be blessed through you.”  Genesis 12:1-3

*God changed his name to Abraham later

All three of our monotheistic religions; Judaism, Christianity and Islam all claim Abraham as a patriarch. As bad as their conflicts have been over the centuries, these faiths have much in common.

I was thinking about Father Abraham this week. Usually, the focus is on his faith as he heard this call from God, picked up his family and went out into who knows where in obedience. It’s always been a foundational lesson that we’ve heard over and over again. Very important. But you realize he had never attended VBS. He didn’t have a Bible to consult. There was not Wednesday night prayer meeting to lay it all out before. Faith in God was just starting. He was going to be one of the pioneers.

What I kept thinking about this week was all the loss that he had to have experienced. This typically gets ignored in our trumpet blowing about his wonderful example of faith. He and his people left behind all that they knew and drew comfort from, packed up a new kind of life, and headed out into uncertainty. Remember, the only one who heard any heavenly directions was Abraham.

He was living in a town, not out on the prairie ranching. He was herding some cattle, but living in a town meant he was probably doing some other sorts of business with his extended family. Maybe he was trading? Maybe he was setting up a chain of coffee shops? What if there were craftsmen in the family? People live in towns because being around populations of people because it’s good for business.

Abraham was leaving behind a whole way of life and starting up a new one. They had to cash in their valuables, real estate, fancy clothes, etc. and head over to the the Academy store to buy a bunch of tents and Levi’s. They were going to live “on the move” and in uncertainty instead of the predictable comfort of daily routines.

They had been living a life surrounded by familiar family and friends and were now heading out with just their immediate group – even though that was much larger than what we think of as a nuclear family. For some reason they took nephew Lot with them. So that made the group a little larger. Maybe he was the black sheep of the larger family and all were happy to have him hit the road?

What you don’t realize you need until it’s no longer there is the wise counsel your family (dad) provides when needed. Abraham left his father, we call this the family of orientation – the group you’re born into – it helps you get your bearings in the world. Well, Abraham would no longer have a compass to depend on when making decisions while on the move (on the run) in a foreign land.

Everyone had to learn how to sleep on the ground, eat new sorts of food, figure out how to read those setting up a tent instructions, there was no internet in Canaan land! Have you ever had the experience of being the new kid introduced to the class? Trying to fit in to your new neighborhood where all the kids already know each other and have friends? Abraham’s family were always going to be the new kids in town. They left behind their status and situation in Haran. Something they were always reminded of when they packed up and moved on when the grazing seasons changed.

I’m sure it was an adventure in many ways but this week I was thinking about the constant sense of loss that Abraham and his family had to always experience with each move. I grew up in a military city – a lot of friends who spent their growing up years moving around when new orders to pack up and head to a different base arrived. I went off to college in a new town and then once we got married, we lived in three different cities during our 35 years of marriage. But never in a tent with livestock!

God was right beside Abraham all along the way as he moved through what would be known as the Promised Land. He made a big promise to Abraham. It has been shaking the earth ever since. That whole family carried their loss with them and never experienced the fulfillment of God’s promise first hand. But they went out and carried all their luggage in faith.

“Mostly it is loss which teaches us about the worth of things.” ― Arthur Schopenhauer

We all know loss, one way or another. We all walk into the unknown at times. These days, when I take my steps into the mysterious tomorrow, friends are always asking about my big plan. I wonder what Abraham kept hollering to everyone in the backseat when they kept asking him the same question?

The path we walk is charted by faith, not by what we see with our eyes. 
2 Corinthians 5:7

“People who smile while they are alone used to be called insane, until we invented smartphones and social media.” ― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

In a recent survey of 24 nations across the globe, Americans were the least likely to feel close to people in their country and in their local community.

One survey in Great Britain found that 40% of adults had gone three days without a face-to-face contact with another person. The number is higher for younger adults and for females.

Seems like the world we are building might have some fatal side effects.

Let me throw this out for your thinking:

There are many explanations for the disconnection we are measuring. I wonder if part of the explanation could be related to the casual nature of our social interactions.

• Our casual culture is evident in the ways people dress when they get together.
• Communication technology allows us to quickly stay in touch without much thoughtful reflection or depth.
• I study religion and see casual worship as a move that pushes personal comfort and experience past reverence and sacrifice.

I know it doesn’t make common sense. You’d think becoming more casual would remove barriers and allow people to become MORE connected. In some ways, this is probably true. But the real problem is the thinking behind a casual culture that focuses too much attention on the self and away from others – in subtle yet powerful ways.

• I just want to wear something comfortable
• Church should be a place where I can be myself
• Sending out quick texts helps me stay connected

When we dress-down, communicate conveniently, and worship in ways that are about my feelings – basically we are aligning our focus on ourselves. Too much self-centeredness can spell disaster for meaningful relationships. Building and keeping healthy connections typically call for risk, sacrifice, listening, and time.

This is how U.S. Senator John Fetterman of Pennsylvania goes to work. Is he an anomaly or a trend? I’m certain he is much more comfortable dressed like this. I wonder how the people of his state, who he represents, feel when their senator comes to work like this? The Senate decided to adopt a written dress code after he started showing up in a hoodie.

Last week I had an “insiders” tour of the multi-billion dollar headquarters of a Top Ten Fortune 500 corporation. It was mind blowing. One of the many takeaways for me was learning that there was a dress code for all employees. This is probably true for all major organizations. I work at a university. My impression has been that the dress code has become much more casual for the past 30 years – for both students and their families. Hot pants are back!

I’ve written before about the trend toward casual Christianity. In my study of the history of how people practice religion, the ways we gather, worship and communicate have changed considerably since the end of WW2. The lyrics of worship songs, the dress codes, the topics of sermons, the presentation styles of preachers, cups of coffee in the pew, these are all examples of the move toward making the weekly practice of going to church much, much less formal (and maybe less reverent?).

There’s nothing new under the sun. During the Middle Ages, most people didn’t have dress clothes to wear to worship. Everyone came as they were. Reading historical records from the time, it’s very shocking to discover the crude behavior that took place in those sacred spaces. Way beyond casual. Drinking coffee in the pew pales in comparison.

Writing letters and sending cards is on the decline. Probably due to the advance of our communication technology. But is that a sign of a more casual culture? Sending a text message instead of a phone call is faster and more convenient. It’s also less personal and much more informal. Some expressions deserve time and attention, don’t you think? What are the new rules about that?

I also wonder if this casualness in several aspects of our culture might be spilling over to our relationships. What’s holding us all together? A few text messages here and there? A close friend of mine explained the ritual between she and her out-of-town adult son. He makes a phone call to her almost every week. No special topic, but the ritual catch up helps to hold things together. I’ve been there when another friend religiously calls his mom every Sunday. Instead of, “I’ll call when I think about it” or “If you need anything, send me a text.” Rituals are formalized actions that help us to keep doing what’s important.

Does a more casual lifestyle at work, with friendships and family, even at church actually fuel higher levels of self-centeredness? Over time, does that weaken relationships and social bonds? Does it really matter what we wear, how we sing at church or if we call our mom?

Something to think about…

“One out of every four of us is walking around with no one to share our lives with. Being social makes our lives better. Yet every indication is that we are getting less social, not more.” ― Matthew D. Lieberman,

 

“There’s never enough time for all the naps you want.” ― Carolyn V. Hamilton

I finished a novel recently. The setting was Seville, Spain. The work schedule the characters were following reminded me of the naps I used to fight with all my strength as a child. In Spain, the workday begins at normal times to us, 8:30 or 9:00 am. It’s the lunch time where things change. Typically, they will go home for lunch at 1:30 and not return to work until 4:30 or 5:00pm. The work day ends at around 8:00 pm. Could you follow that schedule? Due to globalization probably, this type of work schedule is fading away.

What this really made me think about was the institutionalization of naps. The Spanish definitely have developed a “napping” culture. There are special names for naps in societies around the world:

Siesta = Spain
Riposo = Italy
Uti = Iceland (taken outside!)
Inemuri = Japan (multiple catnaps whenever possible)
Wushui = China

Napping is good for your overall health:

• A nap at midday can enhance alertness, mood, memory, and reduce stress.
• The ideal nap is between 20-30 minutes.
• Napping too late in the day can interfere with night time sleep.
• Drinking caffeine right before a nap – it doesn’t kick in until 30 minutes later.

See more details and take a sleep assessment: sleepfoundation.org

Gallup reports that Americans, especially young women, are getting less sleep than they need. Catching up with naps is one way to address this health problem.

I spent the summers with my grandparents – it was my grandmother who did the hard work. She mandated a nap each day. As a grandpa myself, I now fully appreciate the need for this custom. In her era, my grandmother did not allow anyone on the beds once they were made. When nap time arrived, she put a quilt on the floor (I don’t think we knew what the word “blanket” meant in South Texas). She lay down right there with us, read a story, and enjoyed the quick escape.

“I tell you, my naps are epic. They win awards.”  Tituss Burgess

When do you think we cross that boundary from fighting the nap to craving it? I do know there’s an in-between stage of life when older children just pass out. Usually in back seat car rides.

Reading the novel that took place in Spain reminded me that taking naps was a great idea. One drawback, the people in Seville didn’t have their dinner until 9pm or as late as 11pm! I’m not sure I could keep going that long. And be at work by 9:00 the next morning. What about you?

If napping is so good for us, why do we live in a society that isn’t built for taking a break and crawling into a hammock? It’s our American work culture that has built an anti-napping ethic. Someone who is sleeping at work or taking an extra long lunch break is considered lazy or lacking ambition. Napping is thought to be an obstacle to the fast track to success. Remember the early bird, the ant and the grasshopper, working all day long on the railroad? 

So…taking naps is very good for your health. We aren’t getting enough sleep. Working in America isn’t oriented to letting you have that nap. It would rather kill you for a buck. What are we to do? Research seems to indicate that you can make up some of your sleep debt on the weekends. Work your napping into all that fun you’re squeezing into Saturday and Sunday.

Football season is around the corner. I guess the lesson is that naps on the couch during the game on Saturday and after church on Sundays are good for everyone. Don’t fight your body.

I’d love nothing more than to go back in time and lie down on that quilt, hear my grandmother reading me story and then fall asleep to the singing of the cicadas outside in the hot sun.

“Sleep more at night. If it’s allowed at work or home, take a nap in the afternoon. You’ll be amazed at how much better you’ll feel.” Ben Stein

 

 

“It is a mysterious thing how cheerful people become in the face of disaster. My father whistled as he boarded up the windows, and my mother from time to time would call to him happily out the back door. She obviously was enjoying the unusual pleasure of having him home on a weekday morning. Tomorrow they might be ruined or dead, today they had each other.” ― Katherine Paterson

As I talk with friends, it seems that almost everyone is getting back to normal after Hurricane Beryl “barreled” through here two weeks ago. The blessing of getting old is that time passes quicker. Seems like only yesterday that I was trying to sleep in the heat. Air conditioning has only been in widespread use throughout the U.S. since the 1960’s. 

Finally got my yard put back in order today. Turns out it wasn’t the only one on my street that was out of order. Mine was the only one in the entire subdivision that remained a mess for two weeks! I’m thankful mine is at the end of a dead end street. So thankful for the guys that worked so hard on my yard today!

Met an older couple at an event on Tuesday who told me they lived in Kingwood and wouldn’t get power back until the end of the week. Two weeks after Hurricane Beryl. When feeling sorry for yourself, or complaining – remember, there’s always someone who’s got it worse. Find a way to empathize and encourage. I hope they’re all powered up now.

During the power loss and all my misery, I had a thought. That electricity is going to come back on again. Why am I so easily angered and upset? At this age/stage of life I ought to be able to endure hardship better than this. What about when I lose sight of God’s presence in my life? What about others who are experiencing this hardship at a deeper level? Why don’t I get so worked up about these? Disasters often reveal to us who we really are.

My insurance inspection happened this week. The night the hurricane blew over I was awoken by louder than expected dripping. On my bed. From my ceiling fan. I don’t think I paid for that extra feature. With deductibles the way they are, my house would need to have been blown into the Land of Oz for any payments. The expert on my roof determined the leak was NOT caused by the hurricane. That’s real expertise. BUT, as we were finishing up and being eaten alive by mosquitos, he asked (as an aside) if I had any spoiled food from the refrigerator. We made a list. He said it might be covered. That night I had a check electronically deposited in my bank. I’m going to count my blessings instead of being a grumpy old man.

“The unthankful heart discovers no mercies; but the thankful heart will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessings.” ― Henry Ward Beecher

Despite the heat and the mosquitos, maybe this is a good time to take a walk through your neighborhood and be friendly. A Harvard study recently reported that people who took a 20-minute walk, five times a week, had 43% less sick days. One leg of my walk takes me past the creek. All sorts of critters and bird calls as the sun is setting. Just don’t meander and get hit by a bike rider wearing ear buds. I’m trying to do a better job of paying attention as I walk, listen and pray. Attention outside and inside.

Predictions for this year are for an above average hurricane season. Hurricane Beryl was the first category 4 recorded in June and the earliest of that intensity ever recorded. Our utility company here in this region is coming under heavy criticism for not being prepared for this storm. Two weeks to get power back to everyone is difficult to understand. Let’s hope all are ready for the next storm.

“Clouds, leaves, soil, and wind all offer themselves as signals of changes in the weather. However, not all the storms of life can be predicted.” ― David Petersen

 

“A week ago, it all seemed so secure. So settled.” ― Anthony Doerr

I was able to meet with my Sunday School class yesterday and catch up on who’s got power and when. A week later and not everyone is back to normal. It’s Monday,  a week and a day since Hurricane Beryl unexpectedly swerved over Houston, leaning west. The eastern side of hurricanes is what they call the “dirty” side because it brings most of the wind, rain and damage. That means Houston got it anyway. In my neck of the woods there are still homes and businesses without electricity. Mine came back on Thursday evening. I was captured on the parking lot camera at the Kroger in Rosenberg Texas dancing a jig when I got the news.

During that almost week of misery, here are some observations:

• I think you can measure the degree of disaster that people are feeling by counting the number who are at the grocery store not wearing a shirt.
• For years we’ve been talking about disaster shoppers cleaning out the store shelves of all the bread and toilet paper. Last disaster I couldn’t find any macaroni? This time I surveyed the checkout staff and learned that an unusually large number of people were buying digestive medicines, wet wipes and olives??
• As the week with no power crawled on, there was a great need for ice. Late one evening I was at the store (cooling off) and got caught up in the rush to grab a bag. I didn’t know what I was going to do with it, but it just seemed like the thing to grab at that moment.
• I spent a lot of time in my vehicle, charging up the phone, looking for gas and staying cool. Most afternoons I went to the movies. Our theater is on the same power grid as the hospital across the street – so it never lost electricity. The next time I move…
• Everyone needed some help. Most of us didn’t have a way to help, we were all in the same boat. Having people check in on me before, during and after was invaluable – lifesavers! Even if someone doesn’t need what you’re offering, the fact that you thought of them and reached out becomes the big deal they won’t forget. It’s an example as well.
• My friends provided me with a battery pack and fan to get me through the hot nights. At first I didn’t think I’d need it. Boy, was I wrong. Mostly, I think I needed people who demonstrated their concern. We all need that.
• I saw several examples of power cords stretched across streets that divided the have’s from the have not’s. AC is a civilization changing invention like iron, the wheel and penicillin. But it has also driven us all inside and away from people who live just yards away.
• I was wondering where the birds go during storms like this. Then I realized (wished) as I was standing in the back, surveying the damage, I think the mosquitos may have been blown out to sea. Research seems to indicate birds and bug get into the eye of the storm and ride with it. Maybe they’re not out to sea, but in Arkansas?
• The street I live on is a small cul-de-sac of eight houses. Mine is now the only one surrounded by debris. My yard guys are obviously behind schedule. The peer pressure I’m feeling is enormous.
• All my refrigerator/freezer contents had to be pitched. As I pulled items from my freezer I kept saying out loud, “I didn’t know I had that in there!” I don’t need to throw out my ketchup do I?
• The common of experience of preparing for and weathering Hurricane Beryl brought us all together. Checking up on each other and helping was the next stage of bonding that I experienced. As much as I complain about cell phones, they kept us connected during these powerless days. What’s now got us all organized into a mob of sorts is anger about how long it took (and is taking) to get power restored. It’s amazing the force that a common enemy has in pulling and sticking varied groups of strangers together.
• At the same time, I must point out the numerous examples of citizens banding together to be supportive of the work crews here helping us get back on our feet. From providing meals, washing clothes and messages of thanks, the city is thankful to the working men and women trying to bring us back to normal.

“Some people can find peace in the middle of a hurricane; that’s the person I’m striving to be.” ― Stephen F. Campbell

I wrote all of this while sitting in my powerless house. The heat increased each day as the cool house lost it’s internal air. I spent the days running errands in my air conditioned vehicle (looking for gas in Pearland and El Campo), spending the afternoons at the movies and driving around charging up my phone and batteries. The power in a small portion of my subdivision came back on Thursday evening. I slept very well that night.

“One of the most important things you can do on this earth is to let people know they are not alone.” ― Shannon L. Alder

Hurricane Beryl blew through the Houston area late last night (early this morning).

No power today. That means few connections with civilization.

I took a walk through the neighborhood. Mostly leaves, small branches and limbs scattered everywhere in yards and the streets. We have large trees everywhere. Some fences blown over. A few trees and branches torn down. The creek is up.

I have a minor roof leak over my bed!

It’s always something.

Lately I’ve been thinking about people helping other people, or not. What keeps us from doing what we could and should with strangers in need and especially with those we love and care about? Expectations can be a dangerous threat to human relations.

What do we know about how humans react and respond to stress and unfamiliar situations – like a loss of control? Here’s what I think, so far.

1. People don’t help because they don’t know how. This can be especially true for the young and inexperienced. It’s not fair to put everyone on the same playing field when it comes to caring. Experience is the great teacher. Rather than make a mistake, often we feel safer just staying on the bench and hoping someone else will carry the ball down the field. Fear of failure can be a big obstacle for helping. Even helping people we love.
2. People don’t help because their lives are already full and complicated. It’s not that someone isn’t interested or doesn’t care, they are just overwhelmed with their own busy-ness. We all live in a world that is overblown with obligations, unrealistic goals, and a 24-7 work schedule. Add to this the addictive nature of technology. Who has time to even think about and put into action helping solve someone else’s problems – even others who are close?
3. People don’t help because they don’t have the resources. Let’s widen our thinking about what resources can really mean. This isn’t just physical stuff like money or items to donate (or a room someone can stay in overnight). Resources can also mean time, energy and ability. Gee, I’d like to help you pick up all those Lego’s off the floor, but I can’t bend down anymore at my age. A silly example, but think about all the times that someone just can’t help because they believe they’re not capable. All of us have an emotional reservoir that can get depleted. There’s also the know-how it might take to help in certain situations. Older people can access their larger social network for resources, but that’s difficult for young adults.

“No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another.” ― Charles Dickens

Too often we get mad because people don’t meet our expectations to help out.  Remember that people who need help often struggle like the drowning person. Lifeguards are trained to approach from behind and pull the drowning victim face up – all in an effort to keep from being pulled under themselves by the thrashing panic.

When in need, there’s often no time or room to think about someone else’s situation. We are overwhelmed with the disaster flood that has overtaken us. The best advice is to be “quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry” (James 1:19).

I received a lot of help. Before the storm hit, people were communicating and checking on me to be sure I was prepared. Immediately after, that morning, I had more contacts offering all sorts of encouragement and offers. I didn’t feel left alone here in my hermit cave.

A few posts to follow to give you more than you ever wanted to know about surviving the disaster, despite our power company!

“You have not lived today until you have done something for someone who can never repay you.” ― John Bunyan

“Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under trees on a summer’s day, listening to the murmur of the water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time.” ― John Lubbock

I’m flipping through my Texas Monthly magazine. As summer approached, there were advertisements galore for all the wonderful getaway spots throughout the state. Places for vacations, most included water. We used to head to the beach, it was so close, BEFORE the Memorial Day crowds hit. I stayed in the very cold AC while my wife sat by the pool to read her one beach read of the year.

Looking at all promotions and beautiful locations, it reminded me of summers when I was growing up. In my teen years, my extended family bought a piece of property on Medina Lake just outside of San Antonio. We could get there in under an hour. The spot was in a secluded cove. It was one giant slide downhill from the top to the water. Of course we could access it from the boat, but needed to also truck in supplies.

Over the years, a very primitive road was scraped down the hill, and a little cabin was built – all homemade. My grandfather was a carpenter who knew how to get the basics all put together. I’m not sure how we ever got up and down that little road with our big vehicles. My grandmother would never ride up/down, preferring to walk and not risk her life. We would all gather at the bottom each time someone drove up the hill, holding hands praying, but also prepared to jerk someone out of the way of gravel flying from spinning tires. I think eventually we had asphalt brought in?

Everyone, mostly the adults, worked hard to carve out that private hideout up at the lake. As I remember, the bathroom being the most essential ingredient. It was a physical location hidden in the woods, but over the years became a collection of memory that we each have saved away like treasure.

We kids spent almost every minute in the water. Our uncle bought the property adjacent, so our cousins were there during the summers. We would bring friends and horsed around in that secret spot all day long. I still can’t believe we never saw a snake?

Of course, as I look at all of these glitzy vacation spots in the magazine, I’m also reminded of what a hillbilly camp we actually had. But that’s now, decades later, as an adult. Back then, as a kid, all that mattered was having a place to be together, jump in the lake, and wallow in the joy.

 

My grandkids just spent about a week with me. I tried to figure out some memories we could build and share. I always start out with best laid plans but end up with far less patience and stamina than I had hoped. We did get some fun accomplished. I wonder what they will write about in their own blogs?

“The past beats inside me like a second heart.” ― John Banville

The point I’d like to make is about the value of memory. Their value increases with time. Think about your own memories and how you can be a part of building more in the life of those around you. In the end, it’s those memories that last and live on.

I’m packing up another box of books each week to pass on. I can’t fill one up without stopping to remember when, where, how that book came into my life and what I learned. Mostly, these have been theology and church-life books, so far. Anyone looking for some fiction? I’m disposing of most of my house stuff right now, but all the memories are saved like treasures.

A young couple were over for dinner this week and I talked too much (as usual) but pointed throughout the room at all the props, telling my stories of all the people who meant so much to us. Not decorations, just signposts along the way.

Take someone to that place, attend that concert (before the band dies), have a great meal back where something special happened. How about a road trip? Make it simple, sit down with a friend, have a cup of coffee and share some photos off your phone. Maybe what’s even more important, ask questions and dig for some treasures in the life of your friends. Share those memories and help give life the meaning it really, really needs (have you been watching the news?).

 

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” ― Viktor E. Frankl

Viktor Emil Frankl was an Austrian neurologist, psychologist, philosopher, and Holocaust survivor, who founded logotherapy, a school of psychotherapy that describes a search for a life’s meaning as the central human motivational force.  (Wikipedia)

As you face those to-do constant lists, do you ever have trouble getting motivated?

I had lunch with friends and it seems I’m not the only one with this obstacle. When summer comes each year, I always start out with a big list of goals that I know I’m going to get done during this season. This year, as I plan to get my house ready to sell, I’ve really got urgent projects on my list. 

This is usual for me each Summer. A big list of projects and lots of anticipated success.  Typically, I don’t get much of it done and in September can never figure out what went wrong. It gets so “tropical” hot down here – maybe that’s the problem. Those annual to-do lists just melt away in the heat. 

“A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes.” ― Hugh Downs

Actually this happens to me and to most people, not because there’s something broken with our brains or due to a lack of will power. People here in the West tend to have what’s called an Optimistic Bias in their thinking.  This is an error in our thought processing that causes us to become overconfident about how things will turn out. This can apply to life in general or our own specific activities. 

What this often leads to is what’s called a Planning Fallacy. As we begin a project, like putting together a summer list of things to do, we get too optimistic about the time it will actually take to complete a project. We get behind or never start because the list overwhelms us. Do you see the roots in that Optimistic Bias?

I’ve known about this for a long time. But this year, I’m being more deliberate in may awareness of my implicit biases. So, what I’m doing this summer is dividing and conquering. Doing just one thing from my list each day. Eating that elephant, one bite at a time. I’m two months in and so far, so good. 

Next time you’ve got a big list – why not break it down instead of letting your optimism foul your plans. 

“Chew off a little every day, because it’s hard to swallow a whole pie at once.”
― Richelle E. Goodrich

 

June 6, 2024

All day I have been watching reports about the the 80th Anniversary of the D-Day Allied invasion on the beaches of Normandy France.   This may be the last big celebration that many of the returning veterans attend. Their ages range from 90’s to 100’s. So many were being pushed to the celebration in wheel chairs.

People always ask, how did 150,000 fighters volunteer, get prepared and then hurl themselves into the jaws of death like they did that day? After asking how did that happen, there’s always the follow up question, could it ever happen again? Could we ever assemble a force like that if a similar crisis faced civilization again?

As a social scientist, I want to know, what kinds of external forces push and pull individuals to do what must be done – even at the risk of their lives. Have you seen Saving Private Ryan? That scene when they landed on Omaha beach was gut wrenching for me to watch. Americans are trained to be so individualistic that it’s difficult to think about external forces influencing us. Have you ever had a lump in your throat when at the stadium and the National Anthem begins?

Emile Durkheim was the first to have the academic job title, Sociologist. He was French and lived from 1858-1917. One of his major contributions to social thinking was his idea of “social facts.” There are things out there that we as a society create that turn around and influence us as individual members of that same society. Patriotism for example.

Remember the one child policy that the People’s Republic of China instituted between 1979 and 2015? Their society was too large (citizens producing too many children). This “social fact” was used by the government to mandate laws regulating how many children couples could have.

Crime rates are also infamous social facts. These are created by people committing crimes (or getting caught). We then create Three-Strikes Laws that punish repeat offenders by mandating jail sentences. This is another social fact, increased prison populations, led Governor Kevin Stitt of Oklahoma to authorize a mass commutation of prisoners. Huge prison populations were bankrupting the state.

Anyway, Durkheim wrote about suicide. He challenged the notion that these tragedies were ALWAYS explained psychologically. That each case had it’s own individual cause. This French professor used newly available social data to demonstrate that there were social facts that could also explain suicides.

He came up with four categories of suicide caused by integration or regulation (too much and not enough):

1. Sometimes people commit suicide people because they never get connected enough and, more importantly, the social world doesn’t get connected into them. People who are all alone. Durkheim thought that unmarried males were especially susceptible to this type of problem.
2. At the other end, he believed that people could get too connected to the needs of their social group. Even their own self-preservation and safety might be sublimated to the needs of the group. This is the soldier who throws himself on the grenade to save the rest of his unit. During WW2 the west was shocked by the number of Japanese Kamikaze pilots prepared to die for their Emperor.
3. There are periods of time when the rules seem to change overnight and we don’t know how to play the game of living anymore. Think of the people who lost their fortunes overnight in the 1929 stock market crash. So many successful businessmen threw themselves out of their office windows. It can also happen in the reverse. The norms of life can dramatically change with a lottery win. There are hundreds of examples, someone is suddenly rich and powerful and then live suicidal lifestyles.
4. Finally, Durkheim pointed out that when the rules, or regulation is too overpowering, people sometimes choose suicide. The prisoner or captive that has all freedoms stolen and is left with no hope for any future.

“Things perceived as real become real in their consequences.” ― Émile Durkheim

I don’t think the invading forces during D-Day were committing suicide. Even the 9000 that are buried there at Normandy, each man’s hope was to one day return home to America. No, what I was thinking about all day were Durkheim’s idea about social facts. These bore down on all those young men and women. These external forces propelled the Allied Forces, each fighter, onto those salty beaches, flying through the air, off shore in great and small ships, and even floating down on parachutes. These brave and frightened young people were pushed forward by powerful beliefs they had been taught and internalized about liberty and democracy. About a cause greater than themselves.

Of course, we’re probably mythologizing. That’s what we often do with the past. But, this serves a great purpose for a society. We must have heroes, we must find living examples of our essential beliefs. All societies must have stories to tell that embody their most precious abstract values.

Many of the veterans interviewed this week reported that they had no idea of how devastating and inhumane the circumstances were for the conquered people in Europe and those in concentration camps. We look with hindsight at all the horrors of the war. I’m not sure those young soldiers at the time knew as much of the facts as we do today. Yet they were still willing to risk it all.

What do you think it would take to get you to risk everything on an idea?

“Man cannot become attached to higher aims and submit to a rule if he sees nothing above him to which he belongs. To free him from all social pressure is to abandon him to himself and demoralize him.” ― Émile Durkheim