“We are stuck with technology when what we really want is just stuff that works.” ― Douglas Adams

Ninety percent of Americans are online daily. One study reported that on average we are checking our phones 205 times a day. It’s hard to imagine how we could live right now without this pervasive technology all over and around us. Eventually, I found it impossible to teach a college class without being able to hook up to the web, my own dependency became very real.

I thought all the work of relocating was behind me once I got most of my boxes emptied. Changing my address was a whole other major enterprise. I guess the good news is that so much of this can be done online.  Just like setting up my move and communicating with the postal service. Very rarely is it necessary to speak with a live human being. Those times when I did, the experience was a great relief and deescalated so much of my frustration. Yet sometimes, talking to real people just made the irritation expand beyond belief. For example, every time I called the office at my new residence, I literally got a different answer to the same question. Each person that answered the phone had their own authoritative explanation. They couldn’t all be right, and weren’t. The manager who finally got me all settled was amazed when I shared this experience with her. That’s probably why it goes on.

Updating Your Address, So Simple…Right!

Who knew that changing an address would turn into such a nightmare? I just spent two days on the internet and phone communicating with three different customer service representatives from all over the world, just to change the address for my credit card. I had to call, several times, change passwords again and again. Use a different browser because mine isn’t up to date. What do you mean? It’s the most used browser in the world! Another visit was necessary later in the week because I noticed the name of my new town had been misspelled. Talking with a live person is great, but can be problematic when we don’t both speak the same language.

“Technology is the knack of so arranging the world that we do not experience it.” ― Rollo May

The most horrendous mistake happened with my Amazon Prime account. When I changed that address I goofed. By mistake, I created a second address. I order so much from Amazon . Last night I forgot to get special batteries at the store. When I got home I ordered them from Amazon and they were at my door this morning. I even get my prescriptions filled and sorted by daily dosage from Amazon. So, it’s a big deal to get that address change completed.

After a few days of trying to fix it on my own, I contacted customer service. No easy task! This part of the fix took two different calls. It takes Amazon 24-48 hours to complete a change to your account. That seems extraordinary in our digital universe. The second agent walked me through the process of deleting the second account. Unfortunately, it was my original account that was wiped out. I’m now starting from scratch. My 20-plus year history is now wiped away. Oh well.

I thought that was just going to have to be my own problem, but NO! I had orders for a kitchen rug cancelled this week. The Amazon message was that I was ordering too much and needed to prove my identity. Well, how do I do that when all my proof has my old address on it? It will take Amazon three business days to decide if I’m really me. I guess batteries are all I can get away with right now.

Have you ever thought about all in your life that has to be changed when you move? Technology makes this simple today. Maybe it’s just me, but I kept hitting obstacles along the way.

“It’s supposed to be automatic, but actually you have to push this button. ” ― John Brunner

What’s In The Mail?

Before moving I did file the paperwork with the United States Postal Service to have my address changed and mail forwarded. I did this in the middle of July, to take effect at the end of that month. I got an official notification yesterday in my mail here that the USPS was going to in fact start doing this. I’ve been getting emails, cards and other notes from the USPS alerting me of my new address and of their plan to forward. I have yet to get any actual mail forwarded. Or any real mail sent to this address. The USPS is spending a fortune with their paperwork and notification system. Let’s see if I get any mail this week.

My New Pad is All Hooked Up, Finally

“If television’s a babysitter, the Internet is a drunk librarian who won’t shut up.”
― Dorothy Gambrell

Getting my new residence all hooked into the internet was a slow start. The customer service ordering went without a hitch. A huge operation I’m sure. This cable company has a monopoly with my new community. The process of getting hooked up is all very routine…supposedly. The big deal isn’t so much having TV to watch as it is to have wireless service so I can be connected to the internet. Otherwise, how will anyone know I’m really alive?

While my grandson was at ice hockey camp, his three-year-old sister and I went in search of the closest store to pick up the equipment needed to get all set up. We found one, proceeded through the door and toward the back counter where the employees were all at work. Once I got there, I was given a puzzled look and told, you can’t come back here. You have to go back to the front of the store and sign-in first. Where? I asked. Up at the front. Okay, I’ll go hunt for it and hope to be able to come back and talk to you later…

Later arrived, and the clerk in the back got me registered and then told me that I couldn’t pick up equipment at the store. I had to call and have it delivered. My granddaughter and I trudged back to get buckled into the car. We drove to hockey camp to pick up brother and I got on the phone. That helper asked me why I didn’t just pick up my equipment up the local store. What do they say about the right hand not knowing what the left hand is doing?

“Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.” ― Pablo Picasso

My wife was a doctor of technology. Not the kind that helps you get your computer hooked up to your printer. She was an expert in helping teachers learn how to best use technology with their students. All the hardware and software that surrounds us – how do we harness it in classrooms to make learning more effective. Our daughter followed in her footsteps and now does that kind of work up here where I now am. While neither one wants to be called on to wire your home, my daughter does know so much more than her digital immigrant father.

I was very proud of myself for getting televisions hooked up to the new internet and digital service, but I still had a few obstacles. My daughter came in one evening and while the kids and I had dinner she got my Apple TV incorporated AND figured out what was wrong with my behemoth printer (that’s a whole other blog post!). She had to do a “go around” – what a remarkable problem solver! Every time she comes over she’s got a solution in her pocket and has made living that much easier for me.

Home Sweet Home

I think it’s going to take another month to get any mail. How much will be junk? What is still being delivered to Houston? My house has not sold. I’m still trying to get my daily TV news recordings set up (it thinks I still live in Houston). Amazon is back in business, let’s see if I get my prescriptions in a few weeks. I was just on the phone with AT&T for half an hour. Their system only wanted email addresses that started with a letter. It’s always something. Are you sure you really want to move?

“The real problem of humanity is the following: We have Paleolithic emotions, medieval institutions and godlike technology. And it is terrifically dangerous, and it is now approaching a point of crisis overall.” ― Edward O. Wilson

And just like that, it happened

As I’ve aged, all of my good and bad days are speeding past me like a bullet.

I could feel the move coming every morning as I tossed and turned hours before the sun would rise. So many details to track. Several lists all at once banging around in my waking delirium.

Took me three days to get packed and relocated across the state. It was the hottest day of the summer up here in the Metroplex. All my worldly possessions boxed up and sardined into a single truck. Made me think again about the true value of all this material gain. In the days before, I spent almost a week sleeping everywhere but my own bed, and not even in a bed sometimes. The junk collectors had taken my worn-out bed and getting into the new place took longer than I planned. Sleeping in your own bed can be a blessing beyond words.

The value of sorting and sifting

Be sure that you’re hanging on to what will sustain you in the long days. 

I moved to a townhouse that has a garage. A place to store all my 40+ years of married junk. I promise that I got rid of truckloads of it. As I sit here in my new little space I’m so thankful I no longer have a library of 2000 books! It’s always a shock to discover all the debris that has settled into the crevasses and cracks of my life. When I as a little boy, I never imagined I’d grow up to be the proprietor of a flea market.

The new kitchen is about a quarter of the size I’m used to. I’ve been searching for the silverware these past three days. The garage is a staging area. The movers labeled each box. But no silverware. Saturday my house back in Houston was being cleaned after the emptying. I got a text and photo. My silverware never left its home in the drawer.

By the way, that house of mine hasn’t sold yet. The final river to cross. I’m not so anxious about this final resolution. God has been taking faithful care of my every step – even through so many dark days. I’m just worried in the waiting.

“Worry is the interest you pay on a debt you may not owe.” ― Keith Caserta

Let purpose give meaning

We all need a theme song to hum in our ears to take us through the grey days. 

As I start to get used this new place, this new life, I keep hearing new noises. Back at my house that would worry me. What kinds of critters have moved into the attic? Those nasty squirrels are back at it chewing away at my roof! But now, the sounds all around me shouldn’t cause bother. It’s just all the people living above and right next to me. I’m wedged into a new world.

Found a church to visit five minutes away. Lots of opportunities for the whole family to plug in. That’s a big part of my mission now. It’s very difficult for an academic who studies religion to sit in a service and not compose long lists for a research study. Visiting is a good experience, but there’s no place like home. One day I’ll make a new home.

When that feeling of angst creeps in and it seems as if I’ve gone back in time to earlier days by myself and living in places like this, I remind myself, this is not retirement, it’s a mission.

My next chapter

Almost all of my friends are now walking through or toward the next chapter in their lives. So much was never planned. 

Most of the boxes have been unpacked and empties put back in the garage. Now, what to hang on the walls? I have waaay too much and not enough space. Maybe I should organize a rotation plan? I put up a very large portrait of my family in my new bedroom. It’s become famous because my grandson is right in the middle of the grouping and is posing with a mesmerizing stare. He was only five at the time. He has drawn me 273 miles to now be close by his side.

“Sometimes the right hug from the right person at the exact right time makes all the wrong in the world disappear…” ― Sarah Ockler

He’s seven and getting ready for 2nd grade. A remarkable stage. Every time I walk into the room he jumps up and gives me a hug. Those are worth at least a hundred dollars apiece. You can’t FaceTime that kind of love. Just what I needed at this stage of second guessing and readjusting. His innocent gestures are a perfect sign that I’m right where I should be. God always moves. But you must keep your eyes open to catch him in the act.

I’m back in a bed now. My new bed, in my new residence, in a new city, ten minutes from my family. I’m not sure what I will do with my days once I get settled. As I’ve been running errands, a part-time job at Target or even greeting at Walmart might be options to keep me busy. Buc-ees has always appealed to me, but I’m afraid I’d be too distracted people watching. The minute I got here I was on call. In fact, I was up here a week BEFORE moving to help manage ice hockey camp each day.

Today I picked up my granddaughter from her preschool and took her to gymnastics so mom could take brother to a doctor’s appointment. We had a great time and a little box of grapes. From the back in her car seat, this three-year-old gives me very specific and deliberate driving directions. Remarkably accurate. She’s as good as I am right now.

This past Saturday morning was spent at ice hockey and skating practice. My nights are no longer restless. I’ve been dreaming big, even early in the morning after the upstairs neighbors have finished their bowling practice.

All signs are good for the days ahead.

“Drag your thoughts away from your troubles… by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it.” ― Mark Twain

Is anyone out there?

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Parting is such sweet sorrow that I shall say goodnight till it be morrow. ― Shakespeare

That’s the line from Romeo and Juliet.  The young couple are deep in the swamp of infatuation. Both their families are drawing blood to pull them apart. Their deep devotion continues to inspire the Western Worldview even to this day.  Remember that final scene from the classic film Casablanca? Rick surprise Ilsa with a farewell, he tells her, “We’ll always have Paris” with a big close up and the heartbreaking music.

Does anyone have any idea of how labor intensive it is to change an address? That’s just for all the stuff I can remember. There’s bound to be an app that magically does it for me?? Even with the ability to do almost all on my phone, it’s a days long project. The bank made me call someone eventually. I messed up my changes to Amazon so bad they had to implement a rescue team that will take 48 hours to get me fixed. My wife often reminded me that our generation were digital immigrants, not a natives.

“We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” ― Joseph Campbell

Goodbyes have been all around us, always. I had lunch with a dear friend, and she told of having the long goodbye experience with her husband who was leaving by dementia. Here in Texas and all across the nation we are ripped apart in grief with tragedy and sorrow at the loss of life after the storms and floods of July 4. Soon it will be time to send first year students off to college. My children and grandson moved away almost five years ago, that was a hard goodbye.

Not all farewell is wrapped up with permanent loss, but it seems like it. Victor Hugo is one of those who said, “When a man is out of sight, it is not too long before he is out of mind.” We’ve all experienced that one way or another. Instant communication tools have helped keep us connected both near and far, that’s one blessing from this curse. I hope I do a good job of not getting lost.

Post WW2 Americans became more mobile because of our booming economy. Careers took young graduates and families all across the country. Learning to frequently say goodbye became a normal practice. Scientists started to wonder if all this mobility would weaken our social connections. Living a mobile life made deep and lasting friendships a challenge. The good news is that over the past decade, Americans are moving much less. Probably due to the integration of technology with work. But…at the same time, that technology is also a barrier to meaningful relations.

“We leave something of ourselves behind when we leave a place, we stay there, even though we go away. And there are things in us that we can find again only by going back there.”  ― Pascal Mercier

I’ve been engaged in a long farewell for several years now. What an experience to reflect about, again and again. No one really prepared me. There wasn’t a course to take. Most of the other people involved didn’t really know what they were doing either. Spending so much of our lives in a digital environment makes us awkward when it comes to feeling and expressing deeper experiences in relation to others. What to say in person to someone who is in grief? How to express shared joy about a long-awaited accomplishment? When and how do we encourage others who are withdrawn because of loss?

Farewell dinner last night with my friends from college. They’ve made a practice of enchilada gatherings with me every few weeks since I started my life alone six years ago. That’s a lot of home remodeling, world traveling, football games and hilarious online content to share over the salsa. They’ve kept me going in so many wonderful ways. This has reinforced my belief that making a habit of getting together is always worth it.  There’s no need for a life-or-death reason or anything important to hash over. But in the end, just being in the physical presence of others can save you, day after day.

Went online to check the weather, five hours later I’m watching a tutorial on how to weave a basket out of carrots…

At times I feel homesick when I look around and so many of my possessions are now gone. Part of a plan to downsize. I’ve got more of the “to do” boxes checked off my list. I’m already living in that strange country that is my future. The garage is filled up with boxes and crates. I lifted a lid and realized that my 30-year career was stuffed into a couple white banker’s boxes. Why did I decide to save that? It was a very hard and weird two-year farewell. When you’re old, time really does fly past. The other day, I just walked out of my church for the last time and drove down that neighborhood street toward a home that would also soon be gone. Just like that afternoon at school. I just drove away for the last time. Soon, I will pull out of my cul-de-sac and be gone.

“What you are to do without me I cannot imagine.” ― George Bernard Shaw

While leaving is true and hard, you cannot move away from anything without also moving toward something else. I’m hoping to have made thoughtful choices about the next steps. Despite feeling like I got pushed into oncoming traffic with no escape planned, God never left me abandoned. He’s good at putting pieces together into something that really works. That’s always been my experience.

My friends took down all my family photos off the walls of the house. Got it all staged and ready to show off and sell. They did a marvelous job. Strange now, it’s almost impossible to just look up and see who I’m driving toward (not away from). I keep looking at my phone to see what new memories have been posted each day. It was Taco Tuesday last week and I saw my future with their mouths stuffed with buffalo chicken and a lot of joy. It does make that sweet sorrow just a bit easier to bear.

 

 

*Remember to pass this blog on to someone else each time you read it. 

 

“Blessed are they who hold lively conversations with the helplessly mute, for they shall be called dentists.” ― Ann Landers

My seven-year-old grandson had a visit to the dentist today. His mother reported he did great! She had braces when she was young. He’s getting some sort of expander to help with alignment. When I was growing up, I think they had just invented toothpaste.

I’m having a bridge installed. I’ve made several dental visits. All squeezed in before I move. Searching for a new dentist was one more hassle I didn’t want to tackle in my new location. Four different dentists have been involved in the project. This has got me thinking and doing some field work on the whole dental experience. Here goes:

The number of female dentists is rapidly increasing over the last decade. Up to almost 40% now. Glad to see 42% here in Texas, but only 8% in Utah. What’s the deal with those Mormons? My regular dentist is female. In fact, without planning it, all of my healthcare providers are female. It’s been a great experience for me. I wonder what my next life will be like as I lose my health insurance and then await Medicare. I’ll be in a big city filled up with great professionals. I hope falling apart doesn’t happen too quickly.

“Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” ― Marcel Proust

My dentist is very gregarious. She does a lot of face-to-face interaction, laughs at all my corny jokes and has an infectious good mood. Dentists come in a wide range of personalities, just like everyone else. Over the years, some of mine have seemed shy, others scripted, a few personable and only one had bad breath.

There is no reliable scientific evidence that dentists are more prone to suicide than people in other occupations. We call this belief an urban legend. But imagine how you would feel going to work each day and facing patients who were terrified to be there and waited until things had gotten catastrophic before making an appointment (my wife). What would it be like if you had to do all the talking? Instead of a happy exit, your patient is stumbling out with numb lips and wobbly from their stiffened recline.

“Eyes are the windows to the soul. A smile is the mirror of the heart” ― Janna Cachola

My dentist runs her practice as a solo operation right now. Many have a technician/assistant that does much of the personal interaction with patients. Some of these dentists I have visited will sneak in from behind like an East German spy from the Cold War. I hear a soothing voice in my ear and know it’s time to open wide. I even had one dentist with a secret entry to the exam room. I could hear him coming in and out each time the door squeaked open. He’d hurry back to the safety of his office and regroup right after that injection. Many would dart back to their office to fill out a report or scan their schedule while waiting for the next step. Dentists don’t make “rounds” like physicians at the hospital.

There was another very, very outgoing dentist I met who reminded me of a salesman on TV. He had mastered the extravert personality type. I think he was the perfect match for his brand-new multi-doctor practice that he was managing. What a combination, great dentist and expert supervisor. That place was like visiting a busy Swedish airport. Seemed like hundreds of staff all running at top efficiency. An almost overwhelming experience. I’m glad I wasn’t in any pain and could notice all the details.

The front end of the dentist’s office is also a place of interest. Most people are probably afraid, in pain or distracted with their phones to pay enough attention. In my experience, the wise dentists have put someone with disarming personalities in the front. A person who is especially people oriented who can create a calming environment, schedule appointments when needed and tell you the bad news about your insurance (with a smile). I still don’t like it when they’re hiding behind a little glass window. Seems too sanitized and impersonal.

Out here in the suburbs, booking an appointment is getting difficult. We do have a dentist shortage in America right now. Texas is one of the ten states where the lack of dentists is the most severe. Since so many wait until it really hurts to call, that may be a terrible strategy if you’re in one of these ten states.

As time has moved on, as it always does, my experiences at the dentist has changed. It’s difficult to find a “generalist” who can do just about everything. When we moved to Houston in the late 90’s I found a few who could solve all my problems (almost). Our aging population, advances in technology and especially insurance have all worked to change our healthcare experiences. In good ways and maybe some that can be troublesome. Now, I have to go to a different specialist for this problem and that. Getting an appointment can take a month out here where I live. Aways some bad with the good, right?

“Progress always involves risk; you can’t steal second base and keep your foot on first.” ― F.W. Dupee

Does anyone remember the old-fashioned barber shop? Very difficult to find today. That striped pole outside the door is a holdover from the wild west days. Back then, the barber was also the dentist. He wasn’t specialized at all. If you had a problem, he just pulled it out. I wonder what those pliers were like? When you rode into town and you needed a dentist, because it was probably a painful emergency, you looked for the post outside the shop where the old bandages had been washed and hung to dry. They didn’t have any Dawn detergent back then. Probably easy to spot the post with the red stained rags wrapped around it.

As I’ve visited dentist after dentist these past few months, it’s obvious, we’ve come a long way. I didn’t see one pair of pliers. No matter where I was, everyone used their skills to solve my problems in the best way possible. Despite any momentary frustrations, being thankful for all the taken-for-granted is an important practice I keep working on.

I guess the moral of the story is to pay better attention. The professionals you interact with are people just like you. Get off the script and ask how their day is going. Sitting in those waiting rooms filled up with hurting and fearful folks, how about a smile to ease some of the burdens? Thinking about others is always the best medicine to ease your own pains and problems. It works every time. Give it a try.

“When it comes to life the critical thing is whether you take things for granted or take them with gratitude.”  ― G.K. Chesterton

A blog post about coffee?

I’m between places to live, ready to transition between cities with different climates, trading hurricanes for tornadoes, out of a job and almost into a very different one. So, why wouldn’t I be pondering coffee as it rains all week?

“There were some problems only coffee and ice cream could fix.” ― Amal El-Mohtar

I didn’t grow up in a coffee drinking culture.  Actually, Starbucks took off in our country in the 2000’s. Our national coffee culture is a relatively recent trend. Now, everyone is walking around with a coffee. It’s difficult to even go to church without walking past a coffee stand in the lobby! As of 2024, daily coffee consumption in America has increased by almost 40%. Coffee consumption is now at its highest level in more than 20 years.

My grandparents had coffee each morning. When her sister or friend would come for a mid-morning visit, my grandmother would have a fresh pot brewed and they would sit at her kitchen table talking and laughing. I still remember the sounds. Coffee was brewed in pots. No dripping in Mr. Coffee’s or Keurig’s. But at home, no one was drinking coffee. In fact, mornings were sort of an “every man for himself” experience.

In college, my soon-to-be wife was a coffee drinker. Forty years ago, there were no cool coffee shops around campus. You had to make it yourself in your dingy apartment. I don’t even think they had invented coffee cups for on the go?? She was raised in a big-time coffee culture at home. Once we got married, that Mr. Coffee was dripping away. We went through those machines like AC filters. Coffee was black and in a big mug. Sometimes I’d share a cup in the morning, but always heavily augmented. What you might call a “milky coffee” – and the edge taken off with some sweetener. What a wimp!

“Black as the devil, hot as hell, pure as an angel, sweet as love.” ― Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

My mother-in-law was an epic coffee drinker

I don’t remember ever seeing her drink anything but hot, black coffee. She drank it all day and all night. Who knows how this habit developed. Maybe the water was undrinkable in Oklahoma?

We’d be at a restaurant, and she’d order coffee. I got in the habit of grabbing the waiter by the sleeve before he/she rushed off and explaining the need to get a fresh pot brewing and to bring it on each visit to the table – she was going to go through it like water and wanted it constantly heated up. Who wouldn’t? It was always fun when we were all together at the house to see the race for who would make the next pot – mom and each of her three daughters brewed it at a different intensity. But that coffee maker was always sputtering away.

For some reason my kids decided to go off their Keurig machine and brew a whole pot each morning before zooming off to work. Maybe they were each filling large travel mugs on their way out the door. Anyway, I inherited their Keurig. That was the start of my solitary coffee drinking here at home.

I have frequented our neighborhood Starbucks for years

Grabbing something quick on the way to work or an errand a couple times a week. I’m the only one who thought my regular order amusing, a “short blond” and when I was feeling under the weather a “tall Early Grey.” After the COVID lockdown, the Keurig had arrived, my schedule changed and online ordering made quick trips hard to predict. I’d look through the glass and see an empty store with no line and think I could just whip in and whip out. How was I to know there were 400 online orders ahead of me?

“It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity.” ― Dave Barry

These days I think about the coffee drinking in my family as I shop for more k-cups at the store. How can I be out this quickly? Who’s drinking all this coffee? While I’m not anywhere near the level of my mother-in-law, I’m very much drinking more cups than ever before. I’m even stocking decaf for evening consumption. Sounds like I’ve moved to a new level. A habit has formed.

When you shop for coffee today

…you find varieties advertised from all over the world. Even from the intestinal tract of an Asian cat! Coffee originated from Africa and made its way to the rest of the world through trade with the Arab world. One route took coffee drinking through Egypt, North Africa and then Spain. Another carried the custom up to what is now Turkey and on into Europe. Apparently, Ethiopian monks started drinking it to stay awake during their all-night meditations.

“Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze? ” ― Jean Kerr

My wife drank it big, learning it from her mom. Having a Starbucks around the corner was just what she needed. It even worked during chemo when she couldn’t stand coffee and instead went for one of their “refreshers.” We should have bought stock in that company. Despite 35 years of her intense coffee drinking, I never really picked up the habit. The inheritance of their Keurig when the kids moved five years ago was probably the instigator. Made the habit easy to start. I think I’m on my third machine now. I wonder if maybe I’m drinking 3-4 cups of coffee a day to keep the spirit of my wife vibrant in the house.

It’s afternoon, the rain has stopped for now and I have a mug sitting here with me as I type. It’s almost the next best thing.

“No one is ever really lost as long as their story still exists.” ― R. M. Romero

“He was trying to find his footing in a world both familiar and foreign” ― H.W. Brands

Now living in a house that’s been “staged” – all prepared to sell. Wonderful team of experts from my church got me all set up. I feel like I’m living in a luxury hotel now. I was reminded today that I must make my bed each morning. Who knows what potential buyer will walk through the door on any given day. I’ve lived here for almost 30 years. We were one of the first in our little cul-de-sac. The unanticipated consequences of now living in staged house is that it feels less like that comfortable home with dishes in the sink. Wonder what will be the most difficult about leaving this house? Probably a little easier now that it’s more like a hotel. What a brilliant strategy.

“There is a wilderness we walk alone
However well-companioned”
― Stephen Vincent Benét

Spent the afternoon at the MFAH with my friend. Always come away inspired and refreshed. The spirit of creativity is everywhere. I think I could spend a whole day just sitting on a bench in a gallery there, staring at paintings. I really found a blessing with my museum partner. There are very few (none) in my life who would enjoy these trips like we do. Time is new for me now. There’s a different rhythm to learn to dance to. I haven’t gotten the tune right yet. How will my days be organized in the years to come? Solitary trips to the museum will be hard. Seems like museums hire a lot of staff to stand around in the corners. A new career option? I wonder if I could stay on my feet that long?

I’m looking out the window at the birds eating from the dish of seeds I’ve set out. They draw my attention away from all the details in my laptop right now. A lot of loose ends that need to be tied. The male red bird picks up a seed and offers it to his potential date for the evening. It’s a mating ritual, like opening a car door or picking out the right flowers. The sun is setting, not much time to find another bird to share your nest. Tonight’s bright red bird has four females gathered around him. He’s offering a seed to each. Who will accept and invite me to her nest, he wonders? Even the birds have important life choices to make.

“The simplest toy, one which even the youngest child can operate, is called a grandparent.” ― Sam Levenson

I think I’ve found a new nest for my days ahead. No need to bribe with a seed. It’s up north where they have all four seasons of the year. Right down the road from my family. That makes it a step closer to paradise. I was just up there searching and being with my grandchildren. We read stories, played games, built a Lego model, got up at 6am, looked at condos, ate tacos and BBQ ribs. Anyone have suggestions for a good senior adult multivitamin? I don’t think my generic brand is working. I’m going to need to pack a bucket or two of stamina.

“We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” ― Joseph Campbell

I need to go now and get busy organizing tomorrow’s donation pick up. It’s a great service that has hauled away so much from my shrinking household. Mostly the 2000 books that made up my libraries – no more space since I got kicked out of the university. My house stagers had me get rid of most of the bookshelves in the house – makes the little cottage seem so much bigger. Today I’m going through all the top shelves in the house. Filled with things no one has laid eyes on in decades. Items I will never need in my next chapter. So many dishes, glasses, and vases! How did all this stuff ever get here? What memories are essential to pack away and save?

My future is right around the corner. Those birds outside my window remind me of many things. One day soon I will roll out of bed, and it will be tomorrow.

 

Today was my first day of the next chapter of life. That sounds weird. I’m a senior citizen. That sounds even more weird! It’s my first day as an ex-professor after almost 30 years (a bunch of us at work got fired). So, I made a list of what I started to do on this first day of my next life…turning the page to the next chapter.

“For last year’s words belong to last year’s language
And next year’s words await another voice.
And to make an end is to make a beginning.”
― T.S. Eliot

1. I’m trying real hard to stop being mad. Mostly I’m just heartbroken. Staying very busy is the best medicine.
2. I made bacon this morning in a new way. Turned out very well. Maybe another new beginning for my breakfasts??
3. Went to the store for coffee and pickles. What a strange combination?
4. Finally got the rest of those flowers planted. I want to make my realtor friend happy with my progress in the front. I tend to lean toward a more rustic look…
5. Spent some time finishing up my Sunday School lesson hand-out. I wonder how many of these I have left? It’s been 25 years. (In addition to getting fired, I’m planning to sell my house, move away and try to be a full-time grandfather. Leaving behind my home, my church, my friends – heading into the frontier!)
6. Later, I tried to take a nap. I’m always encouraging students to get more sleep. It’s the easiest way to study and remember. Maybe now I can start to rest.
7. I packed up more possessions to give away: old toys, books, pillows, dishes, books, glassware, office supplies, books, clothes, pots/pans, books, tools, jewelry, books, decor, books and more books. All those books really are the stories of my life. Strangers come over in the evenings and weekends and takeaway furniture that I won’t need in my next chapter. The house is getting empty.
8. Staring out the window. They will all get cleaned next week. I’m now looking for a carpet cleaner. Those flower beds out there took up 25 years of my life. Season after season. Freeze after freeze. My wife planted that tree when I was home one summer from a surgery. Look how big it is now.
9. Eating leftovers for lunch. Friends from work took me out to dinner this week.
10. I saw a red finch in the back. I’ve never seen one of those before. Me and these birds… I put out safflower seeds, squirrels don’t like them.
11. Why is everything on Netflix dubbed?
12. I went through a bunch of boxes from my office desk. The last load out. I sorted and tried to combine with what I had here. What memories do I want to save? Why are there so many paperclips and post-it notes?? How did I get all that stuff out of there? One box at a time, week after week…

Tomorrow is another day. Sometimes, late at night, when I’m reading, I flip ahead to see how many pages are left in a chapter. How many pages until the stopping place. Until I can close the book and go to sleep. I wonder how many pages are in this next chapter for me?

“From the end spring new beginnings.” ― Pliny the Elder

“The secret to getting ahead is getting started.” ― Mark Twain

• Over half of recent college graduates report that they would not work at a place that did not offer a work-life balance.
• 64% believe that 5-day work weeks are outdated
• 67% think that 9-5 working hours are a thing of the past
• 59% report that having to relocate for a job is an antiquated practice
• Recent college graduates have higher rates of underemployment (working in jobs that don’t require college degree) when compared with all college graduates

This is the end of the semester. Arrives just like Christmas every year. There is a buzz of anticipation for those preparing to graduate and launch into the next chapter. Some into the mysterious job market. Others planning more learning with graduate school. There are also first year students with that look of relief – they’ve made it off “survivor island” and most have figured it out. The big lesson was figuring themselve out. Sometimes it takes several years to learn that lesson. It did for me. What about you?

It’s my impression that college graduates today are starting life with several critical obstacles:

• They have difficulty reading for understanding
• Social skills with groups are especially challenging
• Writing in ways that express critical thinking is even more unpracticed – an AI can do it for you…

Last week I performed a wedding for a recent graduate. He’s now a police officer here in Houston. His new wife is a nurse. Talk about starting life with stressful occupations. You’d never know it as they were beaming the biggest smiles I’ve ever seen that evening. All the mess and stress just disappeared as they started their happiness. I always encourage their family and friends sitting back watching to jump in and not leave the new couple hanging. Help them succeed and but know when to get out of the way as they launch their new lives.

I’m always trying to coach college students with advice, small and big about their futures – even when to show up for the final. I didn’t get any when I was their age and really made a mess so often. When I graduated from college I also got married. Life changed dramatically all at once. I was like a zombie that someone (my wife) was pointing in the right direction. That’s what makes me feel an obligation to do something for young people these days. I sure could have used some wise words from further down the road.

“I believe that what we become depends on what our fathers teach us at odd moments, when they aren’t trying to teach us. We are formed by little scraps of wisdom.” ― Umberto Eco

Sometimes parents don’t want to give advice to young couples. That’s not smart. You just need to learn how to do it the right way – your spouse can help you manage your delivery. I always require new couples to go through counseling before they get married. Their forever future is worth the work and effort. Don’t you think starting out your marriage and/or career with a supportive network can be crucial to survival? My advice is always to get connected with a group in your local church. There are so many ways others can help save your life when the boat starts to sink.

“Be willing to be a beginner every single morning.” ― Meister Eckhart

If you could go back in time and give advice to that younger you, what would it be? Would you even listen when you were that age? Some lessons need to be experienced – you can’t hear about it from others. There are hardships in life that could and should be avoided if we just knew better. Seems like people just starting out should learn about:

• Managing your money
• Marriage/relationship mistakes
• Making good/bad impressions when it matters
• The right/wrong people in your life matter

What would you add to the list? Now that you’ve launched in so many ways, what has experience taught you? What can you pass on to someone else in your circle?

 

“You don’t have to say everything to be a light. Sometimes a fire built on a hill will bring interested people to your campfire.” ― Shannon L. Alder

It was a cool evening tonight. Rare in Houston. The sun was sneaking under the distant covers and leaving a beautiful trail of orange and pink. I had jumped up, put on a hat and grabbed my walking stick. Don’t miss a perfect time to move, count some steps, clear the cobwebs, say some prayers – there are so many to be spoken these days.

Just over the levee across the street, I saw them approaching a house. It seemed like no one was home. My walk had just started, but as I got nearer, I began to hope I’d get to have a conversation with these neighborhood visitors. Just like that, before I could think about a plan, the leader of the trio spotted me (it was dusk) and marched right over and started the “pitch.”

Before he could really get going I hollered out to them “how’s the mission going tonight?” They were a little taken aback. I told them, in those classic Mormon “uniforms” anyone could spot them a mile away. I introduced myself as someone who studies religion – like theirs – professionally as a sociologist. That’s my specialty. I also worked in my Southern Baptist background with a little history. Remember, even Mormon missionaries aren’t immune from my talking too much these days.

They weren’t riding bikes, it’s now too dangerous, I was told. Houston has become so diverse; these young high school graduates were learning Mandarin. Back at their church (here in Sugar Land) English language classes were being offered to new immigrants. They seemed just as enthusiastic as any young Mormons I’ve met over the past 40 years.

I think we mostly talked about BYU and the Big 12, their own college plans after the two-year mission is complete, and the overtime Baylor loss to BYU up in Provo in 2022. I was invited to church with them – hard to do when I’m teaching a class at my own church. I told them that in the past I had missionaries come to my church and visa versa. I shared that I was moving soon, they offered to help, giving me a card with a phone number (written in Chinese).

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints would prefer that you call their members “saints” but have recently stopped resisting the norm that Christian society has developed over the past two hundred years – calling them “Mormons.” Do you remember, we came close in 2012 to having our first Mormon president?

Have you noticed that the Jehovah’s Witnesses have stopped knocking on doors Saturday mornings? Instead, a new strategy is to send handwritten letters in the mail. For me, it’s very interesting to talk to people who knock on my door about their religious indoctrination and to observe their tactics. I told the missionaries tonight that almost everyone, even those in religiously free America, don’t pick their own faith but generally share the same beliefs in which they’ve been raised.

“Religious liberty might be supposed to mean that everybody is free to discuss religion. In practice it means that hardly anybody is allowed to mention it.” ― G.K. Chesterton

Anyway, these young men probably didn’t get the training to deal with a character like me tonight. A little old man in his shorts out for a walk. Someone who probably knew more about their religion than they did. Someone who talked too much. Someone not in a hurry to get away. Someone who was not defensive at all, eager to listen and curious about their own individual futures. Someone who promised to pray for them as he departed – who probably should have stopped them right there on that driveway and prayed for all of us.

“Certain thoughts are prayers. There are moments when, whatever be the attitude of the body, the soul is on its knees.” ― Victor Hugo