“Now the wren has gone to roost and the sky is turnin’ gold
And like the sky my soul is also turnin’
Turnin’ from the past, at last and all I’ve left behind”
― Ray Lamontagne, God Willin’ & the Creek Don’t Rise

Should I make some changes? I’ve certainly got a list going. Usually, I’m not one that needs the reminder of a new year to think about what’s not working in my life. Now that I’m walking the trail alone and wrestling with several big catastrophes there’s much more reflection happening each day as I look in the mirror.

Yes, this is the season for reflection and resolutions. A little more than 40% of Americans report that they make some sort of resolution for the new year. Usually about living a healthier life. Most don’t last more than 2-3 months. Here’s a 2024 survey. 

When the COVID-19 pandemic hit and higher education went into a lock down mode of instruction, what I did each week drastically changed. It also seemed to happen all of a sudden.  There wasn’t much time to get used to what this new format of learning was going to be like. Most of what I did was filmed and recorded. There was very little physical contact with students. Those in the class sat far away and were masked up. Impossible to read body language on those kinds of faces.

Every class session was recorded and uploaded. As I watched and listened to each class, it didn’t take long for me to be horrified at how I was coming across. Mostly, I couldn’t believe how the recordings of my class presentations sounded. Was that really me? Had I always spoken like that? Why did no one ever tell me?

After watching and hearing these recorded sessions, I realized that I was not coming across as the professor that I thought I was. I sounded more like a panel member from a 1970’s TV game show. 

What a reminder. Sometimes I think I’m very aware of what I need to fix about my life and at other times, I’m completely blind. Most of the time we don’t have a recording following us around. But we do have trusted friends and family, right?  I will always need others around me to help me get a clear picture of who I really am. We all do. I recently wrote about the blessing of getting some unexpected positive feedback – check it out here.

“We always see our worst selves. Our most vulnerable selves. We need someone else to get close enough to tell us we’re wrong. Someone we trust.” ― David Levithan

As human beings develop, they acquire the ability to view themselves as they imagine others see them. It’s called being “reflexive.” This is why the way we talk to our children is so important. Those messages get internalized and are used to build our emerging selves. The ability to view oneself within a larger social context – like your family, teachers and friends – is how we construct a healthy and complete self.  The people that I have grown up with and continue to have around me, help to shape who I think I am – in mostly good ways. 

New technology means that everything today is being photographed and filmed. This is wonderful for me as a grandfather. I have access to the daily lives of my grandchildren in ways that previous generations never did. What a blessing! I’m also able to see short video clips of interactions I have. Again, is that really me? What doesn’t help is that I’m typically using “kidspeak” when talking with my grandchildren. But, I’m still shocked each time I hear and see myself.

Typically, these video clips capture a magic moment, but there I am, looking and sounding like the hobo who lives under the bridge. I need to start tucking in my shirt, combing my hair and sitting up straight. That ought to help, right?

“It’s not the appearance that makes a man, it’s the man that makes an appearance.” ― Anthony Liccione

Who are you going to be in 2024? The same person you were in 2023? Are you making steps toward your future self? A more attentive partner. The employee who’s becoming more dependable. Spending more of your energy on eternal concerns and less on the urgent tyrannies. Just a step toward your tomorrow self? Moving away from what’s not working?

I’m building my list. Off to a good start. I end up writing things down. There’s no backseat driver in my life. I do believe God’s Spirit resides in me and gives me all kinds of nudges. Am I listening today?

“Let us cultivate our garden.” ― Voltaire

When I set goals, I’m also reminded of my failures and constant effort to get back on track. You’d think by this time in my senior citizen life I’d have so much figured out. I’m still a work in progress. There are TWO BIG TRUTHS that I have come to believe related to change, success and failure:

1. Success isn’t as important as continual effort. When you get up again and believe that you are worth one more try, it keeps the fires stoked. It’s not arriving, but moving forward that transforms us.
2. I don’t think God leaves us hanging all on our own. He is going to complete his purpose in my life (sometimes, even despite me).

“Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.” ― Winston S. Churchill

There may be some things that just have to be accepted. Bringing home house plants again and again and just watching them die a slow death… Fighting squirrels in my attic… Sounding like an odd ball on every recording may be my constant failures.

But I’m not going to quit on all the rest.

“The only things you learn are the things you tame…”― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

I had my wonderful little family here during Thanksgiving and they were tasked with unpacking the Christmas tree. I took it apart last year, left it decorated, and packed it away in three plastic totes. While putting the pieces back together and rehanging a few ornaments that had slipped, my daughter put on her favorite “decorating” film, White Christmas. It made me think about how films have worked their way into our holiday traditions over the years. We’ve grown up with them in the background of our lives for many reasons. I confess, I like the classic films best. Here are some of my favorites:

It’s Wonderful Life (1946)

The classic Christmas Frank Capra film, teaching us all a moral lesson about life and about what it means to be an American. That’s what Capra was famous for.

The film rights lapsed and it fell into the public domain for several decades. That meant that TV stations who were looking for holiday content could show this film without cost. So, it became an American classic maybe not because we all fell in love with it, but because it was on TV so much during our lives.

There are several other films in his repertoire that are worth exploring:

• Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (1939)
• Meet John Doe (1941)
• Pocketful of Miracles (1961)

Actors were under studio contract back then, so you would see the same handful appearing again and again in films. John Ford made all those famous John Wayne films with the same group of actors over and over again. The villian from It’s a Wonderful Life, Old Mr. Potter (Lionel Barrymore) is cast in another wonderful Capra film, You Can’t Take It With You (1938), as the wise old Grandpa Vanderhof. It’s a stage play and seems like it when you watch the film. A very kooky cast of characters. It will make you want to look for your harmonica. Of course, a great lesson at the end.

As I mentioned, White Christmas (1954) is the traditional film my daughter puts on when she’s decorating.  All kinds of songs in the background while your digging around in the boxes of ornaments. No one sounds like Bing anymore, unless it’s Michael Buble. This film sort of originated as a black and white called Holiday Inn (1942). Not really a Christmas film, it has musical numbers for all the holidays throughout the year. It might be fun to watch as well. It has received criticism because of a blackface musical number for Lincoln’s birthday. They used to show it with is part edited out. Not anymore, promising to show the original unedited version of films only.

I’m a sucker for life lessons. The Bishops Wife (1947) has Cary Grant as a visiting angel who has come in answer to the prayers of a bishop trying to get a cathedal built. The angel performs a number of miracles all in the hopes of helping the mortals understand God’s real priorities.

For years, my all time favorite has been Christmas in Connecticut (1945).  Barbara Stanwyk plays a sort of pre-Martha Stewart magazine columnist. The magazine owner invites himself to her imaginary farmhouse for Christmas – to share with her made up husband and baby. Very much a romantic comedy. You’ve got to see it!

Again, the studio is using the same actors in multipe films. You will see Felix the cook and Mr. Yardley the magazine owner pair up again in Casablanca.  Barbara Stanwyk is great in anything you can see her in. Another slapstick comedy with Henry Fonda (comedy?) is The Lady Eve (1941). She’s a black widow killer in the classic film noir, Double Indemnity (1944). That one has Fred MacMurray from My Three Sons fame as the dark and dying narrator. Don’t this!

Do you remember from your childhood watching A Charlie Brown Christmas (1965)? Get your kids and grandkids together and talk about YOUR childhood Christmas – back when you had to walk two miles in the snow to haul firewood back home… This is back on some subscription services this year. Why can’t we get on the networks? Is there really that much on the schedule that needs to be there??

Recently I have added The Man Who Invented Christmas (2017) to my holiday tradition. It’s about Charles Dickens and his struggle to write A Christmas Carol. Very funny and tragic all at once. I love Christopher Plummer’s Scrooge. Each of the characters come to life and haunt Dickens as he invents them on the page. We learn about the terrible childhood that inspired so many of the characters and settings of Dickens classic stories. Also, the origin of some of our Christmas traditions from this time period. I highly recommend this one to everyone each year.

For people without kids yet…

Love Actually (2003) has become the new classic holiday romance. Can you believe it’s twenty years old? I’m seeing interviews with some of the now long in the tooth stars of the film who can’t believe it has remained so popular for so long. Everyone is a sucker for love – all the different layers that are portrayed in this story, even the Prime Minister. It’s funny, sad, heartwarming, and inspiring. Maybe a good date film why you realize you didn’t get the right gift this year?

On the other end of the emotional spectrum, Die Hard (1988) has become a Christmas tradition for many. It’s the action film that will attract the sleepy males in your family. We love it so much because by now, we can recite the lines together, right? This one is good for late at night when there’s a crowd in the house and maybe too much uncomfortable stuff got said at dinner?

A relatively recent survey listed these films (in order) as America’s holiday favorites:

1. It’s a Wonderful Life
2. A Christmas Story
3. Home Alone
4. National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation
5. How the Grinch Stole Christmas
6. Elf
7. Miracle on 34th Street
8. A Charlie Brown Christmas
9. Die Hard
10. Love Actually

My list isn’t too far off. I do admit watching A Christmas Story again and again when it first came out (1983). What’s on YOUR list? Post a reply and let everyone know. I leave you with the moral to the story – what’s important is sharing some time with your family and friends and making some more memories. It doesn’t cost much, just some time and intention.

“You told me once that we shall be judged by our intentions, not by our accomplishments. I thought it a grand remark. But we must intend to accomplish—not sit intending on a chair.” ― E.M. Forster

Is the next chapter right around your next corner?

Our Thanksgiving tradition in our little family is now to share our meal on Friday. It’s been working really well. During the getting it all set up that day I heard my son-in-law (always referred to by me as my “son”) tell my grandson that they were spending the night. That caught me off guard. I hadn’t planned for this. You see, having my grandson spend the night takes some advance preparation:

• He will arise and 5am and come get in bed with me – wide awake
• His immediate request is for an iPad with something entertaining to watch (quietly)
• He them will make a statement of fact – that he is hungry
• It’s probably 5:30am

To prepare for overnight visits, I’ve always mentally and physically caught up on my rest. I’ve got the iPad charged. They sell individual packs of cereal at the store that I can keep on my bedside table. Now, I can roll over and stay halfway asleep while he’s happy as a clam.

This year, I was not ready for any of that. Then his two-year-old sister began to sing aloud from her crib. I got up and grabbed her so that she could joined us, with a bowl of grapes. I had found and “popped” a tart for him. Needless to say, I never rolled back over because the bedroom TV was on. No iPad had been charge up.  Once I fully awoke, we were all very happy.

“For after all, the best thing one can do when it is raining is let it rain.” ― Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I couldn’t remember if they had spent the night the year before. Was I losing my mind as I feared? Like standing in the kitchen again and again wondering how I got there. I started to scroll back through Thanksgiving photos to see where we all were on that Saturday years gone by. After consultation with my daughter, I realized that their move out of town had only happened right before the COVID lock-down and then the Thanksgiving birth of my granddaughter. This was NOT a family tradition that slipped my feeble grasp. They’d only spent the night once before.

What a relief! I hadn’t dropped my marbles.

As my future gets more fluid, I wonder what we will all be doing during the Thanksgivings to come?

This is a new chapter for us. Another way to gather and for me to spend time with my growing up grandchildren. This year I took a long walk with my five-year-old. We also made a trip to the store to get breakfast provisions. He’s old enough now to spend time with and have deeper conversations. Just don’t go down the toy aisle, you’ll never make it out alive!

“Learn from yesterday, live for today, look to tomorrow, rest this afternoon.” ― Charles M. Schulz

A friend recently announced the passing of his mother. Her illness was fast. Not much time to prepare for her departure. It might take a long time for everyone to fully realize she’s not here anymore. He seemed to me like he was talking about an event from a story, not something in his own life. Not yet.

People used to ask me, what’s it like now that you live alone, now that your spouse has passed away?

• No more going out to lunch
• Realizing I will never be embraced again
• More conversations with myself
• Driving directions now from a mechanical voice
• A calendar with more empty days/nights

Someone invited me over for dinner after a busy day together. I wanted to go home and play hermit. When living alone, as time goes by, new routines emerge. To survive I have to figure out how to reconfigure meals, entertainment, social interaction, chores and personal growth (for example). Some are easier than others. I’ve about given up on trying to create my own healthy meals. I find it almost impossible to cook for one. I’m now going to try and find a frozen alternative. Yuck!

“Just because a man is a hermit doesn’t mean he’s hiding.” ― Paul Doiron

Everyone will face a next chapter as life passes like a river. The way we move forward to the next chapter is not guaranteed. Some people get stuck. Our progress depends on how we perceive ourselves, others and the situation we’re in. Progress itself can be subjective. How will I know when I’ve made a successful jump to that next chapter?

We all need wisdom to move on. Don’t withdraw and lean only on your own experience. Everyone does this as a safety response. But, there’s a wealth of information and knowledge that others have collected over time. Be careful about crackpots. My friendship circle has included many of those – some with PhD’s! Find people you trust to help you discover the wisdom you need. This takes some time and work. You’re worth it.

“When you’re a kid, if you watch ‘The Jeffersons’ with your family at seven o’clock, it seems like a natural phenomenon, like the sun setting. The universe is a strange, strange place when all of a sudden you can’t use your glass with the Bionic Woman on it any more.”  ― Heather O’Neill

Speaking of people, whenever life transitions take place, lean on others. Find people who you trust and talk about even the smallest of your fears and triumphs. Don’t withdraw into the cold comfort of that hermit rhythm. It’s really a spiral down the drain. Hard transitions are when we need others the most in our lives. This is especially difficult for males.

Make the next chapter count. I spent an evening out at a hard to find Tex-Mex cafe listening to a friend. Worked hard to keep my big mouth shut and just listen. I didn’t realize how meaningful this dinner was going to be. Isn’t it amazing how necessary it is just to be heard? To voice fear, frustration and failure is often all it takes to turn the page and start a new chapter.

Be reasonable with your past and even plans for the future.  It’s even more important to be reasonable with yourself, what needs to be done today. Just today is all that’s supposed to get finished. Today’s agenda: throw out the Thanksgiving leftovers.

“Real generosity towards the future lies in giving all to the present.” ― Albert Camus

“This Christmas mend a quarrel. Seek out a forgotten friend. Dismiss suspicion and replace it with trust. Write a letter. Give a soft answer. Encourage youth. Manifest your loyalty in word and deed. Keep a promise. Forgo a grudge. Forgive an enemy. Apologize. Try to understand. Examine your demands on others. Think first of someone else. Be kind. Be gentle. Laugh a little more. Express your gratitude. Welcome a stranger. Gladden the heart of a child. Take pleasure in the beauty and wonder of the earth. Speak your love, and then speak it again.” ― Howard W. Hunter

I’m not hanging any lights up before Thanksgiving, but I am ready to make my first wish of the Christmas season. It involves you, so keep reading. Surely there’s someone in your life, maybe even in your past who needs to hear a good word from you. To be honest, there’s two blessings that will happen. Not only will you arrive at just the right time and bring the rare gift of  encouragement but you’re also going to walk away with your own tank filled.

Years ago I decided I needed to track down my college freshman year roommate and apologize for being such a jerk. Once I found him, he was a gentleman and swore he didn’t know what I meant. But I came away feeling such a weight off my shoulders. All the effort was worth it. I’m still talking about it – not my own virtue but the tremendous value of apology.

This isn’t really what I’m advocating – going back and seeking forgiveness for all your mistakes. What I really think you should do is think about people in your life who need to hear from you, need to be reminded about how important they were and are in your life story.

“The unthankful heart discovers no mercies; but the thankful heart will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessings.”  ― Henry Ward Beecher

I was having a terrible couple of weeks. Praying for a lift out of those choppy seas. A colleague showed up out of the blue and sat down to share a plan of action. He has consistently gone out of his way to check on me and offer words of support. Later, on the way home, I received a message from a former student. She went on to get her PhD at Rice and is now a professor at UH. She sent me a link to a “blog” she had written.

Here’s the link. Go ahead and read it – get some inspiration.

The reason I’m pointing you here is not to toot my horn but I wanted you to see how significant this was for me to hear – at just the right time. It was an answer to prayer. Another way that God is keeping me from drowning. I remember when we were fighting cancer and people would say, “let me know if there’s anything you need.” All offered in good will. But after a time I started responding back, if there’s something you think about that you should do, then just do it, don’t ask for permission. That’s probably God giving you a nudge.

I need to be more spontaneous and make today count. What about you?

Again, there’s someone in your life that needs to hear back from you. You don’t need to write and publish a blog. A phone call, a thank you note, a lunch – something simple yet significant. Add some meaning to both your lives. All the time you are currently spending on that career, house, hobby, etc. is going to end up as dust. All the people in your life story – matter forever.

“You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

Last week I took this former student out to lunch. We hadn’t seen each other for so many years. Suddenly I need to dispose of all the books in my life. I have an enormous library at my office and at home. Both collections need to go fast. After our lunch, I passed on a box of my books that she could use in her field. A very small way for me to keep the blessing going.

Now, what to do with all the rest of these books? Got any ideas?

Who is it you are thinking about right now? Who needs to hear from you?

It’s crowded in the doctor’s waiting room. No one looks very happy to be here. Maybe it’s that kind of doctor, one who solves difficult problems. Tells you what you don’t want to hear. No one looks as if they are in pain, like waiting in the Emergency Room. That’s a very different experience. Mostly older people today. No one is smiling. The staff seems to be taking extra efforts to be friendly. I jump on that boat.

This semester my classes are filled up with bodies that won’t smile. Maybe one or two will speak to me – if I’m lucky. Mostly they are bent over on the phone. I sing and dance too much. Introverts need the energy from the crowd. Zombies have very little to give. I have to organize activities in class to force interaction. Talking becomes a formal expectation. It usually works. There are just few holdouts. What I really need to do is to update my jokes! 

Walking across campus I have to pay attention as I pass to those who have something stuck in their ear. I try and say a kind word, look in the eye, ask a question. Have you learned enough today? Doesn’t work if my target is disconnected from reality and plugged in to a private feed. I might get a smile if I work real hard.

We are spending so much time online, especially the younger generation. We’re missing out on human interaction. No one is getting enough smiles in their day. Each one of us must figure out how to do our part in counteracting the negative effects of online/phone addiction. People all around you just need some human contact, a kind word and a smile. Especially all the strangers that cross your path.

“A smile remains the most inexpensive gift I can bestow on anyone and yet its powers can vanquish kingdoms.” ― Og Mandino

I myself need to make extra efforts at expression. Unconsciously plodding along, I’m concentrating, rehearsing or thinking about that bad news. It’s not difficult to awaken and smile. I just to think about what my face is doing. It’s true that your mood shows up in your physical expression. It’s also true that your physical expression (smiling) can influence your mood. The more I smile, the better I feel all day.

“Man only likes to count his troubles; he doesn’t calculate his happiness.” ― Fyodor Dostoevsky

These days I’m humming as I loiter about, like my grandfather used to do. (I stopped wearing shorts a long time ago because I looked down and saw his legs one day!) Humming a tune really works well when navigating through Buc-ee’s. Always a crowd of people who don’t seem to know where they are or where they’re going? If I hum loudly, people tend to veer out of the way. I try to smile back. as I make it to that big clean bathroom. Unless they’re wearing the t-shirt of the opposing team!

The truth is, I’m the one that needs to get the ball rolling. No one may ever smile at me again. When I smile first, almost always I get a return lobbed back over the net. Works every time. People these days might be hungry for a little warmth and friendliness. Don’t you think? I’m going to give it a try every chance I get.

“Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” ― Marcel Proust

We were at the doctor’s office that morning. Our grandson was arriving that day. It was to be an induced delivery, so we all were gathering around and waiting for his long anticipated entrance into our world. The first grandchild.

But, we were in our oncologist’s office first. He had to give us the report that my wife’s brain tumor was back on the loose. She had undergone several treatments, even brain surgery.

“Success is a little like wrestling a gorilla. You don’t quit when you’re tired. You quit when the gorilla is tired.” ― Robert Strauss

The oncologist was a wonderful mixture of loving care and indominatable  determination. He held my wife’s hands, as he always did, and reminded her that her fight had taken her to this glorious day – when her grandchild was arriving. She was not to lose sight of this great victory. The days ahead would be filled with more battles. It was a tremendous reminder of the deep lesson we were learning with each step of this journey – numbering our days and make each one count.

We went to the other hospital and shared the magic and joy that spilled all over the place as this little man came into our lives. She never said a word to anyone about what she learned that morning. She never let it shadow any part of that day. I was the only one who knew her broken heart, that she must have been thinking of how holding him in her arms must be cherished so tight in that very moment.

“There are moments when I wish I could roll back the clock and take all the sadness away, but I have the feeling that if I did, the joy would be gone as well.” ― Nicholas Sparks

They had a year together. For the past five years, we have worked hard to remind him of who she is (still in our lives) with lots of photos and video clips. As he gets older there will be stories to tell.

As he grows up and with the arrival of his sister, I determined that I needed to work twice as hard to love them both. There were two sets of shoes to fill. They have moved away, so I have not been in his sisters life as much as I was in his. Technology has helped us so much – we Zoom with each other all the time. And, they’re not that far away.

Here’s what loving twice as hard has looked like:

Donuts with sprinkles
Folding big piles of little clothes
Helping flip pancakes
Teaching some dance moves to great rock n roll
Taking a bath
Chasing someone down the street who wouldn’t come back!
Racing Hot Wheels
Shooting some hoops
Changing diapers
Rolling out pizza dough
This little piggy
Reading Cat in the Hat at bedtime
Five AM wake up with Peppa Pig and Captain Crunch all together in my bed
Messages in the mail

What’s the most important to me is that my children and grandchildren not live with absence and regret. That I do whatever I can to fill up this empty space in all our lives. As much as I can. I realize, as I try to get that Christmas tree to stop leaning, what a poor substitute I am. All the help really helps!

“It’s so much darker when a light goes out than it would have been if it had never shone.”

― John Steinbeck

Of course, that empty place will always be there. That bed got so much bigger. The house is very still. I’m trying hard to keep it picked up. Thinking about how to love some more is a good way to stay out of the dark. Despite all of the encouragement and hands on deck, my Christimas tree is a faded shadow in comparison.

There have been times when I needed to be loved hard. Many more when I was hard to love. These are the days to focus on how to love hard. Loving hard means when you’re tired, distracted, mad, frustrated, perplexed, lonely or worried. Twice as hard is on my plate right now. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Despite being 279 miles away. How can I make today count? Six years old is almost here.

I really wish you would consider passing this along to someone else, I bet you and I are the only ones reading these! 

“If television’s a babysitter, the Internet is a drunk librarian who won’t shut up.” ― Dorothy Gambrell

Complaining about TV content has been going on since the technology was invented and mass consumed back in the 1950’s.

“Americans no longer talk to each other, they entertain each other. They do not exchange ideas, they exchange images. They do not argue with propositions; they argue with good looks, celebrities and commercials.” ― Neil Postman (1985)

Research tells us that:
85% of American households have at least one TV
The average American spends almost 3 hours a day watching TV
51% watch with others, 47% watch all alone

In my post-pandemic life, I’m watching too much TV. Recently I kicked cable and got reconnected to fiber optic. So far, so much better, for my wallet! I’m no longer paying for 85% of content that I don’t watch. Today I was reminded that I often put the television on just to have background noise while doing other things around the house. Yesterday I was more deliberate and put my music channel on, listening to acoustic guitar while I graded papers produced much better results. Doesn’t that make sense?

“The more sand that has escaped from the hourglass of our life, the clearer we should see through it.”  ― Jean-Paul Sartre

What I have been complaining about mostly is the content of TV commercials. With my new system I can zoom through commercials, if I catch my program, like the news, a little late. But when watching live,  especially in the morning, these can drive a person mad. A big part of the problem is that I’m only watching live TV during specific hours (morning and evening news). That means the commercials I see are aimed at specific audiences. Mostly these commercials are all about:

New windows
New drugs
New hair
New lawsuits

If I were a alien from another planet, conducting research on our civilization, and just watching commercials, can you imagine what the report would look like? As a social scientist, my favorite TV show was always Third Rock From the Sun. A team of space aliens integrating into the lives of people in a small university town.

When watching all of the new drug commercials, I’m always wondering what the symptom the drug is designed to address. I get distracted by the Broadway show tunes and dance numbers. And then there’s the giant list of possible side effects. These always seem worse than any medical condition one could have. Taking the risk of diarrhea, insomnia, vomiting or confusions to reduce the effects of a skin rash just never seems worth it. But, I don’t have that rash (at least not now).

As I age, things are falling apart. This now seems to be occurring weekly??

Truth be told, I think I’m watching too much TV because I’m avoiding some larger life projects on my list of things that I must do. My niece was helpful this summer about keeping me accountable. These are mostly big projects that need to be tackled a little bit each day. My schedule this semester was out of my control (sounds like a good excuse, no?). The only way to really get large goals accomplished is to make a routine.

“The secret of your future is hidden in your daily routines.” ― Mike Murdock

I have bad routines (watching too much TV?) that need to be changed. One effective way to do this is to replace these with some positive routines. I teach a classic theory about juvenile delinquency, but it also works for any age group. There are only so many minutes in the day. Getting teens involved in school and constructive activities (sports, clubs, church) leaves little time to get into trouble.

The same would work for me. No time left to waste on TV if I’m working a little each day on my list of projects. Put on my Pandora with some great background music.

What about you? Too much TV, doing enough of what matters?

“It’s no use saying, “We are doing our best.” You have got to succeed in doing what is necessary.” ― Winston S. Churchill

“They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.” ― Andy Warhol

A friend I don’t see too often was sitting next to me at church. She asked me if I had retired yet. We were in the same general area where several years ago a little old man addressed me as “sir.” This too really sent me into spin.

Things keep changing in my life. I guess if I could see them coming, I’d have gotten out of the way. I’m not happy about most. It is what it is. 

My illusions about the degree of control I possess have been leaking out of this little dinghy I call my life for several years now. Once I get this hole dealt with and prayed about, another one at the other end sprouts up. I’m going to have to get out of this boat and find a new way to think about moving through life – maybe in a tank? A helicopter? Surely not hiding in a cave!

“People often believed they were safer in the light, thinking monsters only came out at night. But safety – like light – is a façade.” ― C.J. Roberts

Recently I decided I needed to go to the mall – who does that anymore? – and check out something first hand. Late the previous evening I had gone for a walk and it was still in the 90’s! I thought to myself, while I’m at the mall, why not get in some steps? But then just as quickly, I realized I had inadvertently drifted into the senior adult lane of life. I found myself having to swerve out of the way of fast passing speed walkers. Someone figured out how to get in your steps while avoiding car traffic and enjoying the air conditioning a long time ago.

It was a foreign country to me. My local mall, like yours, has changed dramatically. How did I sleep through it all? I got hooked on online purchasing – that’s one reason.  But there are others that help explain why I’ve been living a distracted life. The pandemic, fighting cancer, new models for higher education, trying to get back up on the horse, all took more time and attention than I realized.

I look up and it seems I’m in the wrong car going in a direction I hadn’t planned. While I walked the same paths for over 25 years, It can seem foreign, both the people and places. This is probably due to my loss of the taken-for-granted daily companionship. Debriefing, getting feedback, listening are essential for keeping all your marbles in the right order. 

“Attention is the beginning of devotion.” ― Mary Oliver

A friend and his teenage son went to a football game with me recently. Afterwards the high schooler reported to his mom that I reminded him of his own grandfather – because I kept talking to strangers. I think that’s new for me. I too have noticed this odd behavior. Odd for me. It feels very normal right now, to ask the young girl bagging my groceries how hard her job is in this heat. Does it feel like one day closer to Christmas? When I can get their attention, I try to say something (usually stupid) to students I pass by all day. “Did you learn enough today?”

That pandemic really shook up my internal clock. I still feel as if I fell through a worm hole and ended up on the wrong side of reality. Could it be possible that I too have changed and haven’t really noticed it? Circumstances all around me have shifted in both subtle and drastic ways. To navigate those waters, my own life has become like a foreign mall.

Jamais-vu is the term for being in a familiar situation but having that strange feeling that something or everything is not the same. The opposite feeling as the well-known term deja-vu. Sometimes while looking out the back window at home, watching the birds eat seeds I’ve set out, I feel like I’m in the wrong place. Everyone left and I wasn’t paying attention.

Moving so fast, I’ve already sped past the last regret sign on the highway. When I was young, I thought I knew what I wanted my life to be about. If only I could go back in time and have a long conversation with that naïve and isolated individual. I’m not sure what I’d say. He needed some warning and a lot of encouragement.

“We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” ― Joseph Campbell

My trip to the mall reminded me again about the slow creep of change that can  spring up like an unexpected greeting at church or the height of a nephew. I am usually in a hurry. Drive too fast. Waiting for the day to end. I don’t know what for? Maybe an upcoming event. The wheel of time rolls on and on. As I age, it does move faster. I need to hit the blinker and slide over to a much slower lane. I’m missing out on the lives around me while I rush and rush to just wait for the next day.

“…they never see what they’re too much of a hurry to look for” ― Norton Juster

*This is supposed to sound reflective and help us all to put our lives into perspectives that matter. Blogs aren’t literature, they should be written much faster than I do. Thank you for your patience and prayers.

Would you consider passing this blog link on to some of your friends? My number of readers is dwindling fast.

I hope I’m not a fair weather fan!

I go to all the games. I’m the one who’s really angry when things don’t go right. Obnoxious when we’re on a roll. At times, I do worry that I might be ready to throw in the towel too early. How does that coach keep his/her cool through all the backseat drivers that know everything there is to know about the job? I really do start to lose faith very fast as the game begins to fall to pieces and the score gets out of balance.

Contemplating this week’s miserable game, I begin to think deeper thoughts. What else am I to do? These little dramas are very insignificant in the long scheme of things. When I think about my behaviors in the stands and after, I’m awful glad that God doesn’t quit as fast as I usually do.

I sometimes feel as if he’s put me on the bench. To be honest, he’s not that kind of coach, one who’s mad at me and disappointed. I beat him to that every time. No, instead he is beside me giving me the strength and encouragement to make another play. Reminding me of the wisdom, experience and ability he’s been providing. I’m the one who puts myself on the bench – dumping hope out the window, instead of remembering all that good coaching my whole life.

Sometimes I get the strong urge to pack up and go home before halftime. Especially when it’s a late night and long drive ahead. When I stop and consider the truth, I know that God is going to stick it out with me all the way to the end. When the unexpected ending to the story strikes out of nowhere. When I can’t find a friend in the dark. No matter how many touchdowns I fumble. God isn’t a reflection of my own weakness, he is a truth that is more than I am able to be. A truth I experience.

I came to give life with joy and abundance. – Jesus (John 10:10)

It doesn’t happen often, but sometimes that ref will pick up the yellow flag and stuff it back in his pocket – waving off the penalty as a mistaken call. I wish I had that habit in all the games of living that I am playing. Too often I am throwing flags right and left. At others who break my own rules and at myself for failing to live up to expectations. I don’t think of God as this “zebra” patrolling the field trying to draw attention to all of the mistakes. I think mistakes, selfishness, rebellion are all real parts of my/our game of living. God is the one handing out hope and offering a different way to “play” and win.

“I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge. That myth is more potent than history. That dreams are more powerful than facts. That hope always triumphs over experience. That laughter is the only cure for grief. And I believe that love is stronger than death.” ― Robert Fulghum

Another game this Saturday. I’m thinking about eternal lessons. That must mean I’ve lost hope on this week’s field. Let’s hope not. I do think I’m a fan for life. I do think I have the only real role model worth imitating.

“The thing about football – the important thing about football – is that it is not just about football.” ― Terry Pratchett