It’s crowded in the doctor’s waiting room. No one looks very happy to be here. Maybe it’s that kind of doctor, one who solves difficult problems. Tells you what you don’t want to hear. No one looks as if they are in pain, like waiting in the Emergency Room. That’s a very different experience. Mostly older people today. No one is smiling. The staff seems to be taking extra efforts to be friendly. I jump on that boat.

This semester my classes are filled up with bodies that won’t smile. Maybe one or two will speak to me – if I’m lucky. Mostly they are bent over on the phone. I sing and dance too much. Introverts need the energy from the crowd. Zombies have very little to give. I have to organize activities in class to force interaction. Talking becomes a formal expectation. It usually works. There are just few holdouts. What I really need to do is to update my jokes! 

Walking across campus I have to pay attention as I pass to those who have something stuck in their ear. I try and say a kind word, look in the eye, ask a question. Have you learned enough today? Doesn’t work if my target is disconnected from reality and plugged in to a private feed. I might get a smile if I work real hard.

We are spending so much time online, especially the younger generation. We’re missing out on human interaction. No one is getting enough smiles in their day. Each one of us must figure out how to do our part in counteracting the negative effects of online/phone addiction. People all around you just need some human contact, a kind word and a smile. Especially all the strangers that cross your path.

“A smile remains the most inexpensive gift I can bestow on anyone and yet its powers can vanquish kingdoms.” ― Og Mandino

I myself need to make extra efforts at expression. Unconsciously plodding along, I’m concentrating, rehearsing or thinking about that bad news. It’s not difficult to awaken and smile. I just to think about what my face is doing. It’s true that your mood shows up in your physical expression. It’s also true that your physical expression (smiling) can influence your mood. The more I smile, the better I feel all day.

“Man only likes to count his troubles; he doesn’t calculate his happiness.” ― Fyodor Dostoevsky

These days I’m humming as I loiter about, like my grandfather used to do. (I stopped wearing shorts a long time ago because I looked down and saw his legs one day!) Humming a tune really works well when navigating through Buc-ee’s. Always a crowd of people who don’t seem to know where they are or where they’re going? If I hum loudly, people tend to veer out of the way. I try to smile back. as I make it to that big clean bathroom. Unless they’re wearing the t-shirt of the opposing team!

The truth is, I’m the one that needs to get the ball rolling. No one may ever smile at me again. When I smile first, almost always I get a return lobbed back over the net. Works every time. People these days might be hungry for a little warmth and friendliness. Don’t you think? I’m going to give it a try every chance I get.

“Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” ― Marcel Proust

We were at the doctor’s office that morning. Our grandson was arriving that day. It was to be an induced delivery, so we all were gathering around and waiting for his long anticipated entrance into our world. The first grandchild.

But, we were in our oncologist’s office first. He had to give us the report that my wife’s brain tumor was back on the loose. She had undergone several treatments, even brain surgery.

“Success is a little like wrestling a gorilla. You don’t quit when you’re tired. You quit when the gorilla is tired.” ― Robert Strauss

The oncologist was a wonderful mixture of loving care and indominatable  determination. He held my wife’s hands, as he always did, and reminded her that her fight had taken her to this glorious day – when her grandchild was arriving. She was not to lose sight of this great victory. The days ahead would be filled with more battles. It was a tremendous reminder of the deep lesson we were learning with each step of this journey – numbering our days and make each one count.

We went to the other hospital and shared the magic and joy that spilled all over the place as this little man came into our lives. She never said a word to anyone about what she learned that morning. She never let it shadow any part of that day. I was the only one who knew her broken heart, that she must have been thinking of how holding him in her arms must be cherished so tight in that very moment.

“There are moments when I wish I could roll back the clock and take all the sadness away, but I have the feeling that if I did, the joy would be gone as well.” ― Nicholas Sparks

They had a year together. For the past five years, we have worked hard to remind him of who she is (still in our lives) with lots of photos and video clips. As he gets older there will be stories to tell.

As he grows up and with the arrival of his sister, I determined that I needed to work twice as hard to love them both. There were two sets of shoes to fill. They have moved away, so I have not been in his sisters life as much as I was in his. Technology has helped us so much – we Zoom with each other all the time. And, they’re not that far away.

Here’s what loving twice as hard has looked like:

Donuts with sprinkles
Folding big piles of little clothes
Helping flip pancakes
Teaching some dance moves to great rock n roll
Taking a bath
Chasing someone down the street who wouldn’t come back!
Racing Hot Wheels
Shooting some hoops
Changing diapers
Rolling out pizza dough
This little piggy
Reading Cat in the Hat at bedtime
Five AM wake up with Peppa Pig and Captain Crunch all together in my bed
Messages in the mail

What’s the most important to me is that my children and grandchildren not live with absence and regret. That I do whatever I can to fill up this empty space in all our lives. As much as I can. I realize, as I try to get that Christmas tree to stop leaning, what a poor substitute I am. All the help really helps!

“It’s so much darker when a light goes out than it would have been if it had never shone.”

― John Steinbeck

Of course, that empty place will always be there. That bed got so much bigger. The house is very still. I’m trying hard to keep it picked up. Thinking about how to love some more is a good way to stay out of the dark. Despite all of the encouragement and hands on deck, my Christimas tree is a faded shadow in comparison.

There have been times when I needed to be loved hard. Many more when I was hard to love. These are the days to focus on how to love hard. Loving hard means when you’re tired, distracted, mad, frustrated, perplexed, lonely or worried. Twice as hard is on my plate right now. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Despite being 279 miles away. How can I make today count? Six years old is almost here.

I really wish you would consider passing this along to someone else, I bet you and I are the only ones reading these! 

“If television’s a babysitter, the Internet is a drunk librarian who won’t shut up.” ― Dorothy Gambrell

Complaining about TV content has been going on since the technology was invented and mass consumed back in the 1950’s.

“Americans no longer talk to each other, they entertain each other. They do not exchange ideas, they exchange images. They do not argue with propositions; they argue with good looks, celebrities and commercials.” ― Neil Postman (1985)

Research tells us that:
85% of American households have at least one TV
The average American spends almost 3 hours a day watching TV
51% watch with others, 47% watch all alone

In my post-pandemic life, I’m watching too much TV. Recently I kicked cable and got reconnected to fiber optic. So far, so much better, for my wallet! I’m no longer paying for 85% of content that I don’t watch. Today I was reminded that I often put the television on just to have background noise while doing other things around the house. Yesterday I was more deliberate and put my music channel on, listening to acoustic guitar while I graded papers produced much better results. Doesn’t that make sense?

“The more sand that has escaped from the hourglass of our life, the clearer we should see through it.”  ― Jean-Paul Sartre

What I have been complaining about mostly is the content of TV commercials. With my new system I can zoom through commercials, if I catch my program, like the news, a little late. But when watching live,  especially in the morning, these can drive a person mad. A big part of the problem is that I’m only watching live TV during specific hours (morning and evening news). That means the commercials I see are aimed at specific audiences. Mostly these commercials are all about:

New windows
New drugs
New hair
New lawsuits

If I were a alien from another planet, conducting research on our civilization, and just watching commercials, can you imagine what the report would look like? As a social scientist, my favorite TV show was always Third Rock From the Sun. A team of space aliens integrating into the lives of people in a small university town.

When watching all of the new drug commercials, I’m always wondering what the symptom the drug is designed to address. I get distracted by the Broadway show tunes and dance numbers. And then there’s the giant list of possible side effects. These always seem worse than any medical condition one could have. Taking the risk of diarrhea, insomnia, vomiting or confusions to reduce the effects of a skin rash just never seems worth it. But, I don’t have that rash (at least not now).

As I age, things are falling apart. This now seems to be occurring weekly??

Truth be told, I think I’m watching too much TV because I’m avoiding some larger life projects on my list of things that I must do. My niece was helpful this summer about keeping me accountable. These are mostly big projects that need to be tackled a little bit each day. My schedule this semester was out of my control (sounds like a good excuse, no?). The only way to really get large goals accomplished is to make a routine.

“The secret of your future is hidden in your daily routines.” ― Mike Murdock

I have bad routines (watching too much TV?) that need to be changed. One effective way to do this is to replace these with some positive routines. I teach a classic theory about juvenile delinquency, but it also works for any age group. There are only so many minutes in the day. Getting teens involved in school and constructive activities (sports, clubs, church) leaves little time to get into trouble.

The same would work for me. No time left to waste on TV if I’m working a little each day on my list of projects. Put on my Pandora with some great background music.

What about you? Too much TV, doing enough of what matters?

“It’s no use saying, “We are doing our best.” You have got to succeed in doing what is necessary.” ― Winston S. Churchill

“They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.” ― Andy Warhol

A friend I don’t see too often was sitting next to me at church. She asked me if I had retired yet. We were in the same general area where several years ago a little old man addressed me as “sir.” This too really sent me into spin.

Things keep changing in my life. I guess if I could see them coming, I’d have gotten out of the way. I’m not happy about most. It is what it is. 

My illusions about the degree of control I possess have been leaking out of this little dinghy I call my life for several years now. Once I get this hole dealt with and prayed about, another one at the other end sprouts up. I’m going to have to get out of this boat and find a new way to think about moving through life – maybe in a tank? A helicopter? Surely not hiding in a cave!

“People often believed they were safer in the light, thinking monsters only came out at night. But safety – like light – is a façade.” ― C.J. Roberts

Recently I decided I needed to go to the mall – who does that anymore? – and check out something first hand. Late the previous evening I had gone for a walk and it was still in the 90’s! I thought to myself, while I’m at the mall, why not get in some steps? But then just as quickly, I realized I had inadvertently drifted into the senior adult lane of life. I found myself having to swerve out of the way of fast passing speed walkers. Someone figured out how to get in your steps while avoiding car traffic and enjoying the air conditioning a long time ago.

It was a foreign country to me. My local mall, like yours, has changed dramatically. How did I sleep through it all? I got hooked on online purchasing – that’s one reason.  But there are others that help explain why I’ve been living a distracted life. The pandemic, fighting cancer, new models for higher education, trying to get back up on the horse, all took more time and attention than I realized.

I look up and it seems I’m in the wrong car going in a direction I hadn’t planned. While I walked the same paths for over 25 years, It can seem foreign, both the people and places. This is probably due to my loss of the taken-for-granted daily companionship. Debriefing, getting feedback, listening are essential for keeping all your marbles in the right order. 

“Attention is the beginning of devotion.” ― Mary Oliver

A friend and his teenage son went to a football game with me recently. Afterwards the high schooler reported to his mom that I reminded him of his own grandfather – because I kept talking to strangers. I think that’s new for me. I too have noticed this odd behavior. Odd for me. It feels very normal right now, to ask the young girl bagging my groceries how hard her job is in this heat. Does it feel like one day closer to Christmas? When I can get their attention, I try to say something (usually stupid) to students I pass by all day. “Did you learn enough today?”

That pandemic really shook up my internal clock. I still feel as if I fell through a worm hole and ended up on the wrong side of reality. Could it be possible that I too have changed and haven’t really noticed it? Circumstances all around me have shifted in both subtle and drastic ways. To navigate those waters, my own life has become like a foreign mall.

Jamais-vu is the term for being in a familiar situation but having that strange feeling that something or everything is not the same. The opposite feeling as the well-known term deja-vu. Sometimes while looking out the back window at home, watching the birds eat seeds I’ve set out, I feel like I’m in the wrong place. Everyone left and I wasn’t paying attention.

Moving so fast, I’ve already sped past the last regret sign on the highway. When I was young, I thought I knew what I wanted my life to be about. If only I could go back in time and have a long conversation with that naïve and isolated individual. I’m not sure what I’d say. He needed some warning and a lot of encouragement.

“We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” ― Joseph Campbell

My trip to the mall reminded me again about the slow creep of change that can  spring up like an unexpected greeting at church or the height of a nephew. I am usually in a hurry. Drive too fast. Waiting for the day to end. I don’t know what for? Maybe an upcoming event. The wheel of time rolls on and on. As I age, it does move faster. I need to hit the blinker and slide over to a much slower lane. I’m missing out on the lives around me while I rush and rush to just wait for the next day.

“…they never see what they’re too much of a hurry to look for” ― Norton Juster

*This is supposed to sound reflective and help us all to put our lives into perspectives that matter. Blogs aren’t literature, they should be written much faster than I do. Thank you for your patience and prayers.

Would you consider passing this blog link on to some of your friends? My number of readers is dwindling fast.

I hope I’m not a fair weather fan!

I go to all the games. I’m the one who’s really angry when things don’t go right. Obnoxious when we’re on a roll. At times, I do worry that I might be ready to throw in the towel too early. How does that coach keep his/her cool through all the backseat drivers that know everything there is to know about the job? I really do start to lose faith very fast as the game begins to fall to pieces and the score gets out of balance.

Contemplating this week’s miserable game, I begin to think deeper thoughts. What else am I to do? These little dramas are very insignificant in the long scheme of things. When I think about my behaviors in the stands and after, I’m awful glad that God doesn’t quit as fast as I usually do.

I sometimes feel as if he’s put me on the bench. To be honest, he’s not that kind of coach, one who’s mad at me and disappointed. I beat him to that every time. No, instead he is beside me giving me the strength and encouragement to make another play. Reminding me of the wisdom, experience and ability he’s been providing. I’m the one who puts myself on the bench – dumping hope out the window, instead of remembering all that good coaching my whole life.

Sometimes I get the strong urge to pack up and go home before halftime. Especially when it’s a late night and long drive ahead. When I stop and consider the truth, I know that God is going to stick it out with me all the way to the end. When the unexpected ending to the story strikes out of nowhere. When I can’t find a friend in the dark. No matter how many touchdowns I fumble. God isn’t a reflection of my own weakness, he is a truth that is more than I am able to be. A truth I experience.

I came to give life with joy and abundance. – Jesus (John 10:10)

It doesn’t happen often, but sometimes that ref will pick up the yellow flag and stuff it back in his pocket – waving off the penalty as a mistaken call. I wish I had that habit in all the games of living that I am playing. Too often I am throwing flags right and left. At others who break my own rules and at myself for failing to live up to expectations. I don’t think of God as this “zebra” patrolling the field trying to draw attention to all of the mistakes. I think mistakes, selfishness, rebellion are all real parts of my/our game of living. God is the one handing out hope and offering a different way to “play” and win.

“I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge. That myth is more potent than history. That dreams are more powerful than facts. That hope always triumphs over experience. That laughter is the only cure for grief. And I believe that love is stronger than death.” ― Robert Fulghum

Another game this Saturday. I’m thinking about eternal lessons. That must mean I’ve lost hope on this week’s field. Let’s hope not. I do think I’m a fan for life. I do think I have the only real role model worth imitating.

“The thing about football – the important thing about football – is that it is not just about football.” ― Terry Pratchett

“Pointing to another world will never stop vice among us; shedding light over this world can alone help us.” ― Walt Whitman

I’m in a foul mood, bent out of shape at others and my current situation. There’s nothing that I can do about either. I can waste night and day stewing and rehearsing speeches. When living like a hermit, talking to oneself becomes much more normal (and weird, if you ask me). Apparently, I’m acting more and more as if I need “help” at the store.

“Cries for help are frequently inaudible.” ― Tom Robbins

I spent the day running errands. This I do every other Monday when Ana comes to clean up my messy house. She met me as I was loading up to begin my pilgrimage. We visited briefly in the front yard. I parked in the drive like a drunk. Hard for her to squeeze her car in. I apologized. She couldn’t figure out what I meant. On my phone I shared some grandchildren photos. She used to clean up at their house when they lived here. Usually I’m out before she arrives. It’s good to get to see her and get caught up. She was here four years ago to help with my wife during hospice. She then helped me move things out (to her church).

On Mondays during the summer I go up to my office and water my plants. I’m also babysitting plants of others who are off this summer. It’s good to see the staff who are up here. I try to catch up and not talk shop. Sometimes, it can’t be helped. Usually there’s a an Amazon return or some cards to send so, before it gets too hot, I trudge over to the campus post office. On this day, the student worker who was on duty was up to her transcripts in packages stacked up in the tiny space. We talked about how staying busy makes time go by faster. I reminded her that getting to work in the AC was a real blessing on days like this as I headed back outside into the heat toward my building.

“One upside of the heat. Kind of cool to see a cat pant.” ― Jonah Goldberg

The bookstore is near and I had some business to accomplish with the manager. I wish I had been more encouraging on a hot Monday. Sometimes I get sucked into the routines of work interaction and remembering all the details that I forget about being human. Do you remember the familiar quote, “Be kind, everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle”?

I had to make a long drive to get myself untangled from my cable tv. I was greeted at the very busy store by Kim. She was helpful like a lifeguard and while she was working magic on her computer I tried to make complements on all the information she had to know how to do. They were also selling cell phones! She told me my new Vans were really cool. We had a whole conversation on the topic – I overshared about my grandson.

On the way to the next door grocery store I passed a lady with a watermelon in her cart. The brown spot where it had sat on the ground was turned up.  I stopped her and told her that I had read the big brown mark was the real way to choose the best melon. She nodded and said she had read about this too. She told me of her belief in the value of reading and learning. It took all of two minutes. I wandered around the store – it was a new one for me to visit. I confess that I spend as much time people watching as searching for Hot Honey. Have you tried it?

At the checkout I typically engage the checker and the bagger in a conversation about how fast they are working, after you check out 300 people, do yo get to go home? My objective is to treat these younger people like real people with thoughts and feelings, not just parts of the machinery. I’m usually wearing a funny (to them) looking hat, so this is an easy encounter.

Later, while checking out at Target we had trouble removing the shoplifting tag. The checkout clerk and I had to move to different registers to find a solution. She finally directed me to the customer service counter (where you go for returns). On the way – remember, at Target there are 700 registers with only two open at any one time, I passed up a huddle of employees and asked if any could help me solve this problem. I got quizzical looks and the male clerk told me he was too busy. I pushed on toward the customer service counter, wondering again why online shopping was taking over.

Back at home I was trying to get my sprinkler system to work. On the phone a technician, I forgot his name, he used mine in our conversation, was very helpful despite my mechanical clumsiness. We talked about the weather, of course, and what it was like for him to try and solve technical problems with people over the phone. I always imagine that these folks have to deal with a lot of frustrated customers who might say things they don’t really mean.

“Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward.” ― Kurt Vonnegut

Later in the day, I got a call from my new cable provider, wanting to come out and bury my new fiber optic wire. This had already been done on Saturday. So, I talked with him a moment or two about how all was right and how I appreciated his phone call BEFORE making a trip out in the heat. It’s a good habit to spend more time recognizing what’s working than waste time on when it doesn’t.

My days are NOT filled up with interactions like this. For the introvert like me, I am consciously making efforts when I talk out loud so much. Living like a hermit under the bridge has also caused more of this from me. Humans need connections or they go bad like an old banana.

I didn’t think much at all about my bad mood or crummy circumstances all day. Didn’t have much time to rehearse misery.

There’s a school of counseling that teaches it’s not the situation/person that’s your real problem, it’s the way you think about it. My strategy is to use up more time on others so there’s not enough left to be unhappy about any of the things or people that happen to me.

What do you think?

“The past beats inside me like a second heart.” ― John Banville

We experienced so much freedom in the 70’s. As I look backwards, I remember being so much more watchful when I was a parent. Did I think the world had become more dangerous? Did the introduction of cable TV introduce too much violence and fear into our imaginations? All I know is, we were speeding up and down the highway all summer long. And no one got hurt in the making of any of these memories.

During my last years in high school when we could start to drive, and had our own gas guzzling cars, we would spend summer Saturdays about an hour up north of town on the Comal River. My small group of friends from church would ride the river on black rubber inner tubes that we rented for $5. I’m not sure where I got any money back then. In addition to the freedom we all seemed to experience, there wasn’t a lot of cash being passed out. I always had a job during high school. So when was I having all this fun?

When I look at photos of that river now, it seems very crowded and people are floating on all sorts of multicolored contraptions. All we had were black rubber inner tubes from tires. They were rented once we got up there. Then jammed into a car for a block or two before we could unpack for the day. You wanted to be sure to keep your tube wet, that rubber could burn like fire. I’m not sure we were that concerned about burning. The girls spent a lot time laying around in the sun trying to tan up with lotion all over. We hadn’t heard of SPF or sunscreen. I remember sitting in church on Sunday nights looking in the row ahead at the girls shoulders with skin peeling off.

There is a man-made concrete “chute” – you grabbed your  inner tube and hopped in the calm pool up river. Quickly you grabbed a hold of your friends who were on their own tubes as the river began to slide with more current toward that chute. Then, like a roller coaster tipping over the top, we were all sucked down those rapid waters and in just a minute, were spit out into the rocky roiling aftermath. The most important goal was to hang on to your tube. Even if you got knocked off, just quickly jump up to the surface, cough up the water and look for that empty black promise of safety bobbing away down the river.

It’s important to also jump into the river with your shoes on. An old pair of sneakers. It was almost impossible to keep one’s footing on the slick rocks below without some rubber traction. The day was ended with a squishy walk back to the car. Once I’d found my tube, I always then looked for my friends. The objective was to beat the current and float down the river together.

“Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don’t forget food. You can go a week without laughing.” ― Joss Whedon

Every now and then, rarely, there were people floating past that you wanted to avoid. These were folks who were too friendly, a little wasted, and probably had tattoos. No one had tattoos back then, except the ne’er-do-wells. Most folks we passed on our float down river were friendly fellow travelers. This was back BEFORE things got really crowded, loud and inebriated as they are now. We spent the last part of the day easing down stream, talking about nothing, just making memories out of bits and pieces. Soon, the hot sun would start to move down toward the horizon and one of us would have to get back for something. We loaded up, tired, hot and burnt and drove back to the routine of growing up.

“The past is a foreign country; they do things differently there.” ― L.P. Hartley

I’ve been riding on a river my whole life. Sometimes it’s been a quiet float with casual conversations and the everyday taken for granted activities that make life work so well. Loading the dishwasher and the ritual conversations with loved ones. How was your day, you always say that, I think you can do anything you decide on, didn’t you hear me the first time?

There have also been a number of rides down tumultuous rapids for me. I wish my loved ones could have been spared the fright. But we were all in this together. Even when I knew there would be an end to it, getting pulled under and that loss of control never stopped filling my lungs with terror. Everyone has rides like that because the rivers of living are made with fast waters.

“It takes a very long time to become young.” ― Pablo Picasso

I also bumped tubes with a number of characters as I ride down the river. Some have been lifechanging in all the right ways. There have been others that ended up flipping my tube over and turning my life upside down and under water. As I floated down the river, some of these dangerous people were unavoidable. Sometimes I was just too busy to notice. There have been times when I’ve gotten really wet in the river even when I thought the rapids were behind me.

I’ll never forget those summers on the Comal. I also spent my childhood growing up camping with extended family on the Llano River. Never drowning but coming close. We fished, swam and played until we dropped. No one’s mom really knew what was going on. No one got snakebit, that I remember.

Here I am, still floating on down the river of life. I haven’t lost my tube. I’ve still got loved ones around me. Fast water is surely around the next bend. I just keep telling myself, hang on to your tube and keep your shoes on. 

“You don’t drown by falling in the water; you drown by staying there.” ― Edwin Louis Cole

“Bacon: Duct tape for food.”  ― Darynda Jones

Someone once told me that when he wakes up in heaven every morning it will be to the smell of his favorite coffee brewing and bacon frying in the pan. He told me that sensory experience never fails to set his day off in the right direction. There was such a look of complete happiness on his face, I didn’t want to tell him that I thought heaven was a place with no night, so no getting up in the morning.

And the city has no need of sun or moon, for the glory of God illuminates the city, and the Lamb is its light. The nations will walk in its light, and the kings of the world will enter the city in all their glory. Its gates will never be closed at the end of day because there is no night there.  Revelation 21:23-25

But surely they will serve bacon there!

Nothing smells up the house better than cooking bacon. Maybe it’s the most welcoming aroma for any guest to experience who’s spent the night. And it goes with so much; sandwiches, salads, mac & cheese, hamburgers, baked potatoes, even vegetables.

As I’ve started to think about this topic, it dawns on me that thick cut bacon is now very popular. My theory is that this happened once men started doing more cooking. Taking a look at that paper thin regular bacon surely raised a number of gripes. You have to be so much more careful when cooking that kind. Leave alone for too long and it’s all burned up. Thick cut has now taken over. It holds its shape and seems more like an actual side to the meal instead of a crispy decoration. And you can take care of other items while leaving it alone for a longer time in the pan.

“Okay, this is the wisdom. First, time spent on reconnaissanse is never wasted. Second, almost anything can be improved with the addition of bacon. And finally, there is no problem on Earth that can’t be ameliorated by a hot bath and a cup of tea.” ― Jasper Fforde

Are you doing a good job of buying the best bacon?

Buying bacon can be a real adventure at your local grocery store. For me, getting into the store itself is always a fun experience. I’m trained in ethnomethodology. So as I’m hunting up and down the parking lot I’m not just looking for an empty spot but also at all the people trying to dodge their way past slowly circling vehicles entering and exiting (and not running anyone over) all while everyone has a phone jammed in their face.

I think I’ve previously reported the basic “types” of fellow hunters that can be found in the local grocery. While it’s not as fascinating as people watching at Bucee’s, there’s still a lot to notice at your any local store:

• The slow mover with the handwritten list and confused look (usually an older male). He’s been sent out on a mission, his expression conveys it might be impossible.
• The road block shopper who stops at the entrance, shutting down all access to everyone else, while she digs through her purse, arranges children, talks on the phone and/or looks around in amazement as if just released from solitary confinement.
• There are shoppers who are on a mission with just minutes to spare, moving quickly up and down each aisle ready to run down anyone in their way.
• Children are always present, some trapped in a cart others running loose. Sometimes there’s one who’s very unhappy and letting the world know all about it. If I can get away with it, I will approach the crying child and let them know that Santa Claus is watching…
• Doesn’t matter the age, there are some people in the store who remain oblivious to anyone around them. These shoppers are concentrating with intense effort on each package, reading labels, searching for an obscure can, retracing steps back and forth. Too much research going on to pay attention to who’s in the way.

Picking Out the Bacon

Choosing your package of bacon should be done with great care. It’s not like throwing a can of chicken noodle soup into the cart. Bacon is a product with two colors, pink and white. The curing is what keeps the meat pink. The white is the fat that melts away while you cook it. All true Southerners will have a vessel put away to save their bacon grease for cooking and flavoring something else later, like green beans. You don’t want to spend your money on a pound and a half of bacon that’s going to melt away in the pan. You want to find a package with less white (fat) and mostly pink (meat).

Of course, you see how impossible this can be when there are others shopping for bacon at the same time. Too many fighting for space, nudging shopping carts, grabbing the same packs, etc.  I find that I often have to stand back and wait a few minutes while the mindless shoppers run past, grab their bacon and push off to the next item on their list. My theory about thick sliced bacon and men cooking developed after watching people make their choices. I found that men were more careful, taking the most time when searching for the right one. This is just anecdotal of course – it may be that these guys just don’t know what they’re doing and are slow.

Be careful, the bacon companies will sometimes package their products with a few good looking slices up front where they can be seen – hiding what the package of bacon really looks like. You will need to dig around, pull packages out and search for the best one on the shelf. This can really disorganize things. Be sure to put everything back the way you found it. See, it takes some time and you don’t want to do this with a crowd around you.

These days we are all doing so much surrogate shopping. “Phoning” in or orders and letting someone else do the leg work. When it comes to your bacon, be careful about asking a teenage shopper to pick it out for you. Are you sure you want to let someone else pick out something important like your bacon?

“The tone of any day was set by three things: coffee, bacon, and a plan.” ― Katherine McIntyre

Once You Get Your Bacon Home

Once you’ve opened your package of bacon (usually sold 1.5 pound) you need to get it all cooked in a week. It won’t last much longer than that. For me, all by myself, this can be a  challenge. What I end up doing is after cooking several slices, I put it in the freezer. I will pull it out to cook all at once later or will slice frozen chunks off the end. I fried some pieces with onion the other day to add to a pot of pinto beans. Actually, you could sauté a flip-flop in a pan of bacon and onions and it would be great.

Did you know that there are two types of bacon these days, cured and uncured? Actually, they are both “cured” but the uncured is the natural (and more expensive) version. I bought a package of uncured a few weeks ago, there was a coupon. I thought it was really good, held up well when cooking and not much fat. Felt better without all those nitrate in my system too!

Again, don’t ever pour out your bacon drippings, find somewhere to save them. Why is bacon fat a plural? Mine is in a small jelly jar with a lid on it in the fridge. Just a spoonful here and there when needed – don’t tell my vegetarian friend, she thinks those brussels sprouts just taste great due to my splendid talents.

We now have to cook bacon two different ways in our family, medium rare and crispy/blotted. Everyone deserves to be happy with their bacon in the morning. How do you cook bacon at your place? Do you have a bacon press to keep the ends from curling up? Makes a good Christmas gift.

Post a reply to this – what advice do you have about buying bacon? What about cooking and using bacon? Anyone developed a general bacon philosophy?

“A man is happy so long as he chooses to be happy.”  ― Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

Write it on your heart
that every day is the best day in the year.
He is rich who owns the day, and no one owns the day
who allows it to be invaded with fret and anxiety.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

What causes you to start off your day on the wrong foot?

Is it something different that just depends on circumstances?

But if you think about it, do you realize it’s basically the same thing that causing your bad footing?

I wake up in a rut every day

I wrote about this feeling back in August a year ago (click here) and again this past March. There’s obviously something about being stuck that keeps appearing in my windshield of life.

How can anyone start the day on the right foot after rolling out of a trench in their mattress? I sleep on a mattress that a friend gave us years ago. It’s a queen size and came in a little box, the size of a mini-fridge for a dorm room. When I opened it up, I felt like a giant snake was rapidly uncurling itself. We had to quickly get it moved into the right spot. Looked like a scene from an I Love Lucy episode.

It was a wonderful replacement!  But maybe it’s expired? As the years have gone by, I have slept a trench in my side of the bed. I soon realized I’m sleeping on a mattress that can’t be flipped. It can be rotated, but because of a “topper” it has to remain on one side. So, I rotate periodically. A new mattress is called for, but how do I get rid of this one? It won’t fit into a trash bag!

“Also, I could finally sleep. And this was the real gift, because when you cannot sleep, you cannot get yourself out of the ditch–there’s not a chance.” ― Elizabeth Gilbert

The CDC tells us that 1 out of 3 adults reports not getting enough sleep each day. Sleep is critical for brain health. The CDC reports that “sleeping less than seven hours per day is associated with an increased risk of developing chronic conditions such as obesity, diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease, stroke, and frequent mental distress.” To get out of this kind of rut (both physical and mental), I guess I’m going to have to replace my mattress. Why can’t I go online and buy my way out of all of my ruts?

Seems I need to write another blog about my pillows. I can’t find any that are firm enough, or that stay firm over just a few months. I’m too cheap to buy anything real expensive that might just as well be as unreliable as the low price duds I buy at Target (and replace over and over again). Got any suggestions?

This week I read that more than one-third of American couples practice what’s called a sleep divorce. Because one partner makes sleeping so difficult for the other – they sleep in separate rooms. Think snoring. Typically, this isn’t a permanent option for most, just a periodic practice when lack of sleep gets too frustrating. I remember a time when I would get up in the middle of the night and wander the house, waking up in the guest bed hours later. No one was snoring, I was just restless and maybe sleepwalking a little. There was no empty side of the bed back then.

“We get into the habit of living before acquiring the habit of thinking.” ― Albert Camus

Some nights I get up and just stumble around like a zombie to the other side of the bed. The other side doesn’t have a rut in it. Why not just permanently move over to that side? We are creatures of habit. I’m all set up on “my” side. It’s also closer to the bathroom.

Is there a larger lesson here about the rest of life?

Am I living other parts of my life like this? I finally wake up to the discomfort, but I don’t really address the cause. Instead of solving the problem, I’m just moving around resituating myself. This type of avoidance is a common response. Humans are typically more comfortable with the familiar and resist change. Even if it means sleeping in a rut. Most of the time this is all unconscious. So, I’m probably a normal person who can’t get my important papers all organized or resolving those longstanding relationship issues. It may not be procrastination, it may be too much isolation and not enough information.

I was watching a really entertaining series about three “older” guys driving a variety of vehicles across different parts of the world (Top Gear). In one episode (maybe all?) someone got his car stuck in a deep rut in the road.

To get out, the driver received much advice from his fellows on the journey. Some he didn’t appreciate. In life, everyone’s an expert or at least has a wise word to offer. Ultimately, in this episode, they would put their shoulders to the bumper and help push and pull the stuck vehicle out of the mud, mire and rut. To get out of ruts in life, it usually takes help from others on the road. The trick is, getting advice from the right people – those who know what they’re talking about.

“You don’t fail when you get into a problem, it’s when you get stuck into it.” ― Mahendar Singh Jakhar

Getting out isn’t impossible

It’s easier to just not make a change – that’s how it is for most people. Maybe the certainty of this mattress with the trench is more comfortable than the uncertainty and imagined hassle with getting a replacement. How do I know for sure the right kind of replacement? I’ll just keep rotating my discomfort. In print that doesn’t make much sense.

One theory of personal change tells us that it all depends on our positive attitude about the possibility of the change and the reinforcement of our friends (Theory of Reasoned Action).

There’s another theory that teaches personal change is more likely when we are surrounded by others who are modeling the target behavior for us. We also need to have the resources necessary to make positive changes – like know-how and time (Social Cognitive Theory).

Getting the right people involved in your life seems like the way out of the rut. Learning all you can and then believing it’s possible are also critical keys to getting unstuck. Too often we believe that being stuck is a personality defect. Mostly, it’s a problem of isolation and ignorance. 

To get out of my rut, I need to do some research, talk to others and set a target time frame to get it all done. See, that’s not hard, is it?

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