I got to hold and play with someone else’s grandchild Saturday at the football game. Didn’t seem to matter that we weren’t related. They are all fun to be with…when their parents have had them napped, fed and prepped. Also, when the parent is right their to “pass the ball to” in the event of an emotional outbreak. We had a great time at the game that night. I got to have the perfect fan in my lap!

“Kids are hard -they drive you crazy and break your heart- whereas grandchildren make you feel great about life, and yourself, and your ability to love someone unconditionally, finally, after all these years.” ― Anne Lamott

It’s hard to explain to friends without their own or to young parents, what it’s like. When the big day arrives and your grandchild enters your life and you are forever changed.  I often feel as if I’m going to explode. How could you love someone so much? My grandson and now granddaughter are different people each time we meet. Living far away means they grow up faster and faster. Everything is evolving, who they are and who we are together.

This is a brand new kind of relationship. It’s keeping me going in so many ways. My wife got to witness the arrival of our first and watch him crawl and take his first steps. The first grandchild is always the Little Prince or Cinderella. There are two now in my little family. Since my wife has traveled on to heaven, I feel like I need to love these grandchildren twice as hard.  It’s an easy mission.

FIRST RULE: Grandparent’s house is the land of never say no. Send ’em home once they’re all jacked up with candy. My 6-year-old went home today with his pockets full of cough drops he thought he’d smuggled under my nose.

My own grandparents helped me to survive in so many ways. I try to model after each one in different ways. Each made unique contributions, without even realizing what a big deal they were. We spent a lot of time at their house. The tree house in the backyard was an incredible experience but the real purpose was to get us out of the house and from under foot. The only granddaughter, my sister, received hand sewn dresses. Back before Target had been invented. My grandmother was a creative soul – a perfect escape from the humdrum.

My two grandchildren are every day in my thoughts (and prayers). There are too many photos all around. How could I forget either one? I’m able to follow their adventures daily from afar with photo and video uploads. Sometimes we Zoom and for a few minutes of attention I get to interact. It’s priceless time. How did grandparents survive before Wi-Fi?

SECOND RULE: During our all too brief visits, squeeze as much fun in as you can tolerate. Keep everyone busy. The TV is only for when you start getting dizzy. It’s a race to see who falls asleep first, you or them. It doesn’t seem to matter how late they stay up, my grandchildren are up and ready to roll before 6am. Those early school days have them ruined.

My grandchildren don’t live in town anymore, so I just see them a few times a year. It’s very hard to watch them grow up from afar. Heartbreaking if you want to know the truth. I’m glad we have technology today that shortens that distance. When they do visit, it’s like a second Christmas for me. What fun can we squeeze in before bedtime?

At night, my 6-year-old grandson is a very dramatic sleeper. Tossing and turning, moaning and groaning, urgent statements bellowing forth now and then. He probably grows half an inch by early morning when he pops up. I’m never fully asleep, only on the edge as he works through his drama through the night. But, as one who lives in a quiet, lonely house, it’s a joy to have a rowdy sleepover a few times a year.

What’s always strange is that when they leave I’m shocked at all that didn’t go as planned. I thought I’d be playing on the floor more? Why am I so tired? That activity was supposed to take longer? Why did we get up so early? And I’m just as surprised every time they visit then leave so quickly-  next time we’ll do that, for sure.

THIRD RULE: Be sure to work in some meaningful time, especially as they get older. Reading a book together, sharing photos/stories, take a walk and share your own story. Neither one could remember what we had for dinner last night! Who knows what will stay after all those walks. But in the days to come, a memory will come to flower.

“The simplest toy, one which even the youngest child can operate, is called a grandparent.” ― Sam Levenson