“People who smile while they are alone used to be called insane, until we invented smartphones and social media.” ― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

In a recent survey of 24 nations across the globe, Americans were the least likely to feel close to people in their country and in their local community.

One survey in Great Britain found that 40% of adults had gone three days without a face-to-face contact with another person. The number is higher for younger adults and for females.

Seems like the world we are building might have some fatal side effects.

Let me throw this out for your thinking:

There are many explanations for the disconnection we are measuring. I wonder if part of the explanation could be related to the casual nature of our social interactions.

• Our casual culture is evident in the ways people dress when they get together.
• Communication technology allows us to quickly stay in touch without much thoughtful reflection or depth.
• I study religion and see casual worship as a move that pushes personal comfort and experience past reverence and sacrifice.

I know it doesn’t make common sense. You’d think becoming more casual would remove barriers and allow people to become MORE connected. In some ways, this is probably true. But the real problem is the thinking behind a casual culture that focuses too much attention on the self and away from others – in subtle yet powerful ways.

• I just want to wear something comfortable
• Church should be a place where I can be myself
• Sending out quick texts helps me stay connected

When we dress-down, communicate conveniently, and worship in ways that are about my feelings – basically we are aligning our focus on ourselves. Too much self-centeredness can spell disaster for meaningful relationships. Building and keeping healthy connections typically call for risk, sacrifice, listening, and time.

This is how U.S. Senator John Fetterman of Pennsylvania goes to work. Is he an anomaly or a trend? I’m certain he is much more comfortable dressed like this. I wonder how the people of his state, who he represents, feel when their senator comes to work like this? The Senate decided to adopt a written dress code after he started showing up in a hoodie.

Last week I had an “insiders” tour of the multi-billion dollar headquarters of a Top Ten Fortune 500 corporation. It was mind blowing. One of the many takeaways for me was learning that there was a dress code for all employees. This is probably true for all major organizations. I work at a university. My impression has been that the dress code has become much more casual for the past 30 years – for both students and their families. Hot pants are back!

I’ve written before about the trend toward casual Christianity. In my study of the history of how people practice religion, the ways we gather, worship and communicate have changed considerably since the end of WW2. The lyrics of worship songs, the dress codes, the topics of sermons, the presentation styles of preachers, cups of coffee in the pew, these are all examples of the move toward making the weekly practice of going to church much, much less formal (and maybe less reverent?).

There’s nothing new under the sun. During the Middle Ages, most people didn’t have dress clothes to wear to worship. Everyone came as they were. Reading historical records from the time, it’s very shocking to discover the crude behavior that took place in those sacred spaces. Way beyond casual. Drinking coffee in the pew pales in comparison.

Writing letters and sending cards is on the decline. Probably due to the advance of our communication technology. But is that a sign of a more casual culture? Sending a text message instead of a phone call is faster and more convenient. It’s also less personal and much more informal. Some expressions deserve time and attention, don’t you think? What are the new rules about that?

I also wonder if this casualness in several aspects of our culture might be spilling over to our relationships. What’s holding us all together? A few text messages here and there? A close friend of mine explained the ritual between she and her out-of-town adult son. He makes a phone call to her almost every week. No special topic, but the ritual catch up helps to hold things together. I’ve been there when another friend religiously calls his mom every Sunday. Instead of, “I’ll call when I think about it” or “If you need anything, send me a text.” Rituals are formalized actions that help us to keep doing what’s important.

Does a more casual lifestyle at work, with friendships and family, even at church actually fuel higher levels of self-centeredness? Over time, does that weaken relationships and social bonds? Does it really matter what we wear, how we sing at church or if we call our mom?

Something to think about…

“One out of every four of us is walking around with no one to share our lives with. Being social makes our lives better. Yet every indication is that we are getting less social, not more.” ― Matthew D. Lieberman,