Is the next chapter right around your next corner?

Our Thanksgiving tradition in our little family is now to share our meal on Friday. It’s been working really well. During the getting it all set up that day I heard my son-in-law (always referred to by me as my “son”) tell my grandson that they were spending the night. That caught me off guard. I hadn’t planned for this. You see, having my grandson spend the night takes some advance preparation:

• He will arise and 5am and come get in bed with me – wide awake
• His immediate request is for an iPad with something entertaining to watch (quietly)
• He them will make a statement of fact – that he is hungry
• It’s probably 5:30am

To prepare for overnight visits, I’ve always mentally and physically caught up on my rest. I’ve got the iPad charged. They sell individual packs of cereal at the store that I can keep on my bedside table. Now, I can roll over and stay halfway asleep while he’s happy as a clam.

This year, I was not ready for any of that. Then his two-year-old sister began to sing aloud from her crib. I got up and grabbed her so that she could joined us, with a bowl of grapes. I had found and “popped” a tart for him. Needless to say, I never rolled back over because the bedroom TV was on. No iPad had been charge up.  Once I fully awoke, we were all very happy.

“For after all, the best thing one can do when it is raining is let it rain.” ― Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I couldn’t remember if they had spent the night the year before. Was I losing my mind as I feared? Like standing in the kitchen again and again wondering how I got there. I started to scroll back through Thanksgiving photos to see where we all were on that Saturday years gone by. After consultation with my daughter, I realized that their move out of town had only happened right before the COVID lock-down and then the Thanksgiving birth of my granddaughter. This was NOT a family tradition that slipped my feeble grasp. They’d only spent the night once before.

What a relief! I hadn’t dropped my marbles.

As my future gets more fluid, I wonder what we will all be doing during the Thanksgivings to come?

This is a new chapter for us. Another way to gather and for me to spend time with my growing up grandchildren. This year I took a long walk with my five-year-old. We also made a trip to the store to get breakfast provisions. He’s old enough now to spend time with and have deeper conversations. Just don’t go down the toy aisle, you’ll never make it out alive!

“Learn from yesterday, live for today, look to tomorrow, rest this afternoon.” ― Charles M. Schulz

A friend recently announced the passing of his mother. Her illness was fast. Not much time to prepare for her departure. It might take a long time for everyone to fully realize she’s not here anymore. He seemed to me like he was talking about an event from a story, not something in his own life. Not yet.

People used to ask me, what’s it like now that you live alone, now that your spouse has passed away?

• No more going out to lunch
• Realizing I will never be embraced again
• More conversations with myself
• Driving directions now from a mechanical voice
• A calendar with more empty days/nights

Someone invited me over for dinner after a busy day together. I wanted to go home and play hermit. When living alone, as time goes by, new routines emerge. To survive I have to figure out how to reconfigure meals, entertainment, social interaction, chores and personal growth (for example). Some are easier than others. I’ve about given up on trying to create my own healthy meals. I find it almost impossible to cook for one. I’m now going to try and find a frozen alternative. Yuck!

“Just because a man is a hermit doesn’t mean he’s hiding.” ― Paul Doiron

Everyone will face a next chapter as life passes like a river. The way we move forward to the next chapter is not guaranteed. Some people get stuck. Our progress depends on how we perceive ourselves, others and the situation we’re in. Progress itself can be subjective. How will I know when I’ve made a successful jump to that next chapter?

We all need wisdom to move on. Don’t withdraw and lean only on your own experience. Everyone does this as a safety response. But, there’s a wealth of information and knowledge that others have collected over time. Be careful about crackpots. My friendship circle has included many of those – some with PhD’s! Find people you trust to help you discover the wisdom you need. This takes some time and work. You’re worth it.

“When you’re a kid, if you watch ‘The Jeffersons’ with your family at seven o’clock, it seems like a natural phenomenon, like the sun setting. The universe is a strange, strange place when all of a sudden you can’t use your glass with the Bionic Woman on it any more.”  ― Heather O’Neill

Speaking of people, whenever life transitions take place, lean on others. Find people who you trust and talk about even the smallest of your fears and triumphs. Don’t withdraw into the cold comfort of that hermit rhythm. It’s really a spiral down the drain. Hard transitions are when we need others the most in our lives. This is especially difficult for males.

Make the next chapter count. I spent an evening out at a hard to find Tex-Mex cafe listening to a friend. Worked hard to keep my big mouth shut and just listen. I didn’t realize how meaningful this dinner was going to be. Isn’t it amazing how necessary it is just to be heard? To voice fear, frustration and failure is often all it takes to turn the page and start a new chapter.

Be reasonable with your past and even plans for the future.  It’s even more important to be reasonable with yourself, what needs to be done today. Just today is all that’s supposed to get finished. Today’s agenda: throw out the Thanksgiving leftovers.

“Real generosity towards the future lies in giving all to the present.” ― Albert Camus