“Bacon: Duct tape for food.”  ― Darynda Jones

Someone once told me that when he wakes up in heaven every morning it will be to the smell of his favorite coffee brewing and bacon frying in the pan. He told me that sensory experience never fails to set his day off in the right direction. There was such a look of complete happiness on his face, I didn’t want to tell him that I thought heaven was a place with no night, so no getting up in the morning.

And the city has no need of sun or moon, for the glory of God illuminates the city, and the Lamb is its light. The nations will walk in its light, and the kings of the world will enter the city in all their glory. Its gates will never be closed at the end of day because there is no night there.  Revelation 21:23-25

But surely they will serve bacon there!

Nothing smells up the house better than cooking bacon. Maybe it’s the most welcoming aroma for any guest to experience who’s spent the night. And it goes with so much; sandwiches, salads, mac & cheese, hamburgers, baked potatoes, even vegetables.

As I’ve started to think about this topic, it dawns on me that thick cut bacon is now very popular. My theory is that this happened once men started doing more cooking. Taking a look at that paper thin regular bacon surely raised a number of gripes. You have to be so much more careful when cooking that kind. Leave alone for too long and it’s all burned up. Thick cut has now taken over. It holds its shape and seems more like an actual side to the meal instead of a crispy decoration. And you can take care of other items while leaving it alone for a longer time in the pan.

“Okay, this is the wisdom. First, time spent on reconnaissanse is never wasted. Second, almost anything can be improved with the addition of bacon. And finally, there is no problem on Earth that can’t be ameliorated by a hot bath and a cup of tea.” ― Jasper Fforde

Are you doing a good job of buying the best bacon?

Buying bacon can be a real adventure at your local grocery store. For me, getting into the store itself is always a fun experience. I’m trained in ethnomethodology. So as I’m hunting up and down the parking lot I’m not just looking for an empty spot but also at all the people trying to dodge their way past slowly circling vehicles entering and exiting (and not running anyone over) all while everyone has a phone jammed in their face.

I think I’ve previously reported the basic “types” of fellow hunters that can be found in the local grocery. While it’s not as fascinating as people watching at Bucee’s, there’s still a lot to notice at your any local store:

• The slow mover with the handwritten list and confused look (usually an older male). He’s been sent out on a mission, his expression conveys it might be impossible.
• The road block shopper who stops at the entrance, shutting down all access to everyone else, while she digs through her purse, arranges children, talks on the phone and/or looks around in amazement as if just released from solitary confinement.
• There are shoppers who are on a mission with just minutes to spare, moving quickly up and down each aisle ready to run down anyone in their way.
• Children are always present, some trapped in a cart others running loose. Sometimes there’s one who’s very unhappy and letting the world know all about it. If I can get away with it, I will approach the crying child and let them know that Santa Claus is watching…
• Doesn’t matter the age, there are some people in the store who remain oblivious to anyone around them. These shoppers are concentrating with intense effort on each package, reading labels, searching for an obscure can, retracing steps back and forth. Too much research going on to pay attention to who’s in the way.

Picking Out the Bacon

Choosing your package of bacon should be done with great care. It’s not like throwing a can of chicken noodle soup into the cart. Bacon is a product with two colors, pink and white. The curing is what keeps the meat pink. The white is the fat that melts away while you cook it. All true Southerners will have a vessel put away to save their bacon grease for cooking and flavoring something else later, like green beans. You don’t want to spend your money on a pound and a half of bacon that’s going to melt away in the pan. You want to find a package with less white (fat) and mostly pink (meat).

Of course, you see how impossible this can be when there are others shopping for bacon at the same time. Too many fighting for space, nudging shopping carts, grabbing the same packs, etc.  I find that I often have to stand back and wait a few minutes while the mindless shoppers run past, grab their bacon and push off to the next item on their list. My theory about thick sliced bacon and men cooking developed after watching people make their choices. I found that men were more careful, taking the most time when searching for the right one. This is just anecdotal of course – it may be that these guys just don’t know what they’re doing and are slow.

Be careful, the bacon companies will sometimes package their products with a few good looking slices up front where they can be seen – hiding what the package of bacon really looks like. You will need to dig around, pull packages out and search for the best one on the shelf. This can really disorganize things. Be sure to put everything back the way you found it. See, it takes some time and you don’t want to do this with a crowd around you.

These days we are all doing so much surrogate shopping. “Phoning” in or orders and letting someone else do the leg work. When it comes to your bacon, be careful about asking a teenage shopper to pick it out for you. Are you sure you want to let someone else pick out something important like your bacon?

“The tone of any day was set by three things: coffee, bacon, and a plan.” ― Katherine McIntyre

Once You Get Your Bacon Home

Once you’ve opened your package of bacon (usually sold 1.5 pound) you need to get it all cooked in a week. It won’t last much longer than that. For me, all by myself, this can be a  challenge. What I end up doing is after cooking several slices, I put it in the freezer. I will pull it out to cook all at once later or will slice frozen chunks off the end. I fried some pieces with onion the other day to add to a pot of pinto beans. Actually, you could sauté a flip-flop in a pan of bacon and onions and it would be great.

Did you know that there are two types of bacon these days, cured and uncured? Actually, they are both “cured” but the uncured is the natural (and more expensive) version. I bought a package of uncured a few weeks ago, there was a coupon. I thought it was really good, held up well when cooking and not much fat. Felt better without all those nitrate in my system too!

Again, don’t ever pour out your bacon drippings, find somewhere to save them. Why is bacon fat a plural? Mine is in a small jelly jar with a lid on it in the fridge. Just a spoonful here and there when needed – don’t tell my vegetarian friend, she thinks those brussels sprouts just taste great due to my splendid talents.

We now have to cook bacon two different ways in our family, medium rare and crispy/blotted. Everyone deserves to be happy with their bacon in the morning. How do you cook bacon at your place? Do you have a bacon press to keep the ends from curling up? Makes a good Christmas gift.

Post a reply to this – what advice do you have about buying bacon? What about cooking and using bacon? Anyone developed a general bacon philosophy?

“A man is happy so long as he chooses to be happy.”  ― Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn